


Is this a Tragedy or a Game Changer?

by LadySilverfrost



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angband, Suffering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2020-10-10 02:36:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 55
Words: 80,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20520560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadySilverfrost/pseuds/LadySilverfrost
Summary: Slight AU. I am trying to make this seem as realistic as possible and make Tolkien's characters stay in character. There are many modern girls in ME stories, but not as many that have them end up in Angband. This is my take on 2 modern girls ending up in Angband and the chaos that would happen. Even more chaos if they happened to appear during Maedhros's captivity. Torture warning.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Authors Note: Hello everyone. Im trying this slight AU Angband fanfiction with 2 modern girls. I know they may seem like Mary Sue's and if you think they are then feel free to give constructive criticism on how to fix it or just don't read it. I know initially they will definitely seem it at first because of how I made them look and that the costumes became permanent on them, but I think realistically, if they looked normal, then they. would've been killed pretty fast appearing in Angband. I also know the beginnings of stories can be boring so feel free to skip ahead to when they arrive in chapter 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just relooked over this chapter and I hate it. I will come back to make it better sooner or later. Feel free to skip to the more interesting part of this story. Art by the AMAZING Cherry Amulet!!

"I thought you said you knew where we are going?!" Leila sighed in agitation and sucked in a breath so she wasn't tempted to laugh at the all too typical situation.

"Worry not, that's what we have a GPS for" Chloe pointed at the GPS defensively and grinned at Leila's rolling eyes.

Snatching the GPS up, Leila began to input the coordinates and with a "CHLOE!" grabbed her car seat as the vehicle accelerated. Laughing hysterically Chloe rolled down the windows and turned up the music really loud ignoring Leila's frustration at trying to put in the coordinates. With a resigned smiled she set it down and let the wind run over her face and flipped through her iPod to find a new song.

"how far are we?" Leila asked still flipping through her iPod.

"Perhaps 3ish hours, are you going to fix the GPS? I know we need to stay on this highway for at least another 2 hours, but then we need to exit off somewhere. Its far, but the Renaissance festival is totally worth it" Chloe responded. Leila nodded in agreement, and decided to check google maps instead.

"WAKE UP!" Chloe laughed pushing Leila's shoulder after parking. It had been a boring 3 more hours of driving, especially with Leila falling asleep after finding the route on google maps.

"Oh wow, you got us here without getting us lost again" Leila stretched out and slipped out the car smoothing out her outfit.

With lots and lots of convincing Chloe had succeeded to make Leila go with her as matching fairies. Both put lots of effort into their renaissance costumes and made sure to be as realistic as they could be. Leila had gone as a blue fairy and wore a more simplistic dress with sparkles that Chloe has sewn in over that weekend. She had also tied a golden sash like a belt around her waist. Chloe had chosen a more complex dress but it barely went to her knees whereas Leila's was barely hemmed up enough to avoid stepping on it. Chloe's dress was brown and gold and didn't entirely match the theme she had intended with her makeup and hair.

However, it was their faces and hair that had hours of effort and work put into them the days before to match the costumes. Leila's hair had been reverse ombre dyed in a shade of blue starting with the darkest blue at the roots and changing into nearly white at the ends, which stopped a bit above her shoulders. Chloe's hair was similarly dyed in a reverse style to continue with the matching effort and was a darker orange red color that slowly shifted to her natural golden blonde at the ends.

The makeup Chloe had drawn on Leila was golden and blue. It started with white eye shadow on her eyelid and went to dark blue above the eyelid to light blue until the eyebrow. She had black eyeliner on, but with gold eyeliner more thinly done over it and light patterns of curling black were drawn close to the eye and bolder patterns of sparkling gold highlighted with varying shades of blue curved around the sides of her face. Chloe's makeup was mostly black and red. She had done thick eyeliner around both eyes and had it end it a cat tail and the eyeshadow was a red to orange on eyelid. She had put a bit of sparkles over It so it would match the short brown dress a bit more without being too intense. Leila had down a really interesting makeup thing on Chloe that involved red on the sides of her cheeks fading to her natural tone the close it got to her eyes.

"I still think if we were going to go as fairies, then we needed wings" Leila voiced her displeasure with the lack of wings.

"Who is gonna mistake us as anything, but fairies?" Chloe asked shaking her head as they both headed towards the gate.

The crowd began to thicken nearer the gate as many people approached. The costumes at the festival could be extremely complicated, but it was so amazing. Chloe had always thought the mermaid costumes were exceptionally well done. They had done things like put forks and pearls and random stuff you would see from a ship or the ocean in their hair. It probably hurt like crazy to take it down because of how much effort was put into making a beautiful mess. Then there were people who would wear the complicated suits of armor and ladies gowns and suffer corsets from that time. Fairies could be as simple or as complicated as one wished and didn't need to restrict breathing. It gave lots of freedom to experiment with designs and more mobility.

"Let's go this way" Leila said motioning to the right of the gate once they were past. Chloe followed and they both took a moderate pace so they could absorb all the sights. After walking for about half an hour and taking in all they could, they sat where a poetry show was usually run.

"What's that?" Chloe nudged Leila pointing a glittering thing showing sunlight into their eyes after taking a seat.

"Chloe, why would I know?" Shading her eyes Leila got up moved towards the object. Chloe instantly jumped up and followed curiously. Chloe's hand shot out towards the object and was caught by Leila's.

"what are you doing? You don't just pick up strange things!" Leila admonished.

"Of course I do. How long have we known each other" Chloe said shaking her grip and after Leila's "Not what I meant and you know it" picked it up.

"It just looks like a piece of jewelry or something. A really sparkly…." Chloe was cut off as a great light flashed in her vision and flung her hand out trying to find Leila. They managed to catch to each other hands as more lights began to flash in Chloe's vision. Vaguely Chloe heard Leila shouting something and could feel her hand trying to pull at her. Chloe let out a gasp stumbling and fell into something while managing to maintain a hold on Leila and drag her with her.


	2. Chloe Awakens

With a gasp I came back to myself and started breathing heavily in panicked fashion trying to get my bearings. What the hell just happened? We had just been at the fair picking up something, but now I can't see anything. I started blinking and opening my eyes wider looking in all direction as my vision tried to adjust to the pitch black. I sank down to my knees and slowly put out hands feeling in front of me and around. Cold stone met my hands and something slick on top of them. Probably water, I must be underground. I've always heard the underground stayed the same temperature the whole year and its quite chilly so maybe really far down. However, the fair wasn't near any caves.

I jerked around at a sound coming from directly in front of me and screamed. I threw myself backwards and scrambled away. A choked voice sounded out a song. What on earth is happening!? Someone else is here with me! What if he put me here? Why is he singing? I stuck my hands up in defensive position and waited anxiously for an approaching sound. All I heard was a rattle of something metal like. It didn't sound like he was coming closer.

"Hello?" I whispered shakily. I frowned for a second until I heard the same voice, I think it was the same, say something back. It sounded musical too. What the hell is he trying to say?

"I don't". I began "I don't understand" I finished swallowing in fright. I kept trying to open my eyes but it still seemed pitch dark. At the sound of the metal thing making another sound and I rapidly stood and tried to bolt. I slammed into something super hard and fell back letting out a choked screech of pain. A dull echoing sound came from what I hit and I realized it was actually metal. I put my hand up to face and with a groan I felt blood leaking from my nose. Of course this would happen to me. More musical words followed and the metal sound again, but it seemed the same distance away. I narrowed my eyes with my breath quickening. He wasn't coming closer so I need to focus on whatever this metal thing is.

"You just stay in your lane over there" I tried to sound intimidating, but I'm pretty sure my voice broke in the middle. I stood back up carefully putting my hand out slowly until it reached the metal. I tapped it experimentally and it let out a very dull echo. How odd there is such a chunk of metal. I slid down and felt no seems in it and then walked very slowly to the side with my hand still sliding on the metal. I leaned down and felt where the metal touched the stone. This is so weird. I walked slowly very conscious to the distance I had between me and the metal noise from the musical sounding dude. I felt a corner and the metal still continued. I swallowed nervous about getting anywhere near that noise. I went back the way I came this time going up and down. A horrendous thump came from the other side of the metal startling a gasp out of me before relief overcame me. Hallelujah, there are people nearby.

"HEY! WE'RE STUCK OVER HERE!" I shouted. Another echo followed and it sounded like something grinding on the wall across from where I had turned. The musical voice sounded but it seemed much harsher and almost panicked in a way. I don't know why he has a problem with being found, but I don't enjoy total darkness and confusion. I still don't even know how I got here and my nose is bleeding. The grinding halted and with a bang low firelight from a torch flooded across the room. I tripped backwards with a scream and started shaking my head. That wasn't real. That was shock, that was light blinding me and creating illusions. I looked up tears gathering in my eyes from the sudden burning of a torch.

Terror engulfed me as I realized my eyes had not been playing tricks on me. It was a monster, a real one. It looked just as surprised to see me as I was to see it.

"Stay away from me" I hissed in panic. I made eye contact with the guy who had been speaking with such a beautiful singing voice. I swallowed in increased fear when I figured out what had been making the metal clacking sound. The poor guy was chained up, but I couldn't help but notice how striking his hair was. It was very short and choppily cut, but the color was so astonishing. It seemed like such a dark and brilliant red at the same time. I don't even know how to describe it. My mind was totally lost and my fear fell away to wonder and shock as his eyes bored into mine with regret and pain.

I was still staring at him, probably had my mouth open in shock, when I was suddenly yanked back to present fear. I felt two hands close around my clothes and lift me up. I started screaming and was slammed into the wall. This was now obviously a prison with no door handle on our side. I kicked out to absolutely no effect and could still feel slightly infuriated with my uselessness. I thrashed around as much as I could, but was tossed to floor so easily. A boot connected hard into my chest and I screamed again, this time in agony, as I felt my bones crack. I tried to crawl away, but it grabbed my foot and pulled me back. I curled in on myself now sobbing uncontrollably. I waited in terror for more pain to rain down upon me, but with shaking hands I peeked through my fingers when I heard the metal slamming into place and the grinding. It was pitch black again. I was still sobbing and refused to uncurl myself. I was trying very hard to get my tears under control because it was hurting my chest, but I was unsuccessful. What's happening to me?


	3. Leila Awakens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know all the intro stuff and orientation can be tedious, but it will get better. I promise!

With a great gulp of air, I felt my eyes pop open in shock, feeling a dull ache along my body. I must have fallen pretty hard. Before I could even move something sharp pressed into my throat cutting the skin and causing blood the well up under it. I swallowed dryly sucking in air, but that only caused the blade to go deeper and more blood to bead up. I felt flight or fight rush through me, but was dominated by the fear of the blade and I remained completely frozen. I've never felt my mind be overtaken so completely by fear that it wouldn't commute a plan of action.

My eyes took a couple blinks before adjusting to the reddish light caused by torches. I wasn't able to move my head to look down where my throat was under pressure or see past the torches lining the sides of the room. I couldn't even see where the ceiling met the walls because the darkness only increases the higher I tried to look up.

With trepidation, my eyes caught onto the blade higher up from my neck and followed it up to the arm that was holding until I finally found the owners face towering above me. I choked back a cream of panic as my sudden jerk of terror caused the blade to cut even deeper. eyes locked onto mine and he spoke harshly, pretty sure it was a he, in a terribly grating language and my eyes tried to look around as a softer voice responded back in that unfortunately horrid language.

A golden god, that's all I could think to describe despite having a faintish red tint or glow about him, strode into my line of sight. He had the straightest hair I've ever seen flowing down his back in a rich reddish gold color and he put slim fingers under the sword and slowly lifted it off of my neck. I let out a breath of relief and the one with red eyes let out a faint snort of displeasure, but sheathed his sword.

I stayed where I was on the floor not daring to move with my eyes firmly trained onto red eyes and shivering in faint discomfort at the gaze of interest the golden one was leveling on me. The golden one approached me and spoke in a different language, a wayyyyy prettier one to listen to, but at my confused gaze tried yet another one, even more pretty and almost sounding like a song. I cocked my head sideways on the floor in confusion and felt my heart nearly stop in terror as one side of his mouth curled up into what seemed a terribly threatening, to me at least, smirk.

A scream erupted out of me as red eyes had darted back, faster than anyone should ever have a right to move, and lifted me up by my throat. I kicked at him as he was exceptionally tall, even to my pretty tall height, but couldn't make contact and tried prying his fingers off of my throat to literally zero effect. I felt tears prick my eyes was my vision wavered black and felt my body shutting down.

A deep commanding voice resonating with power, enough to catch even my fading attention, spoke authoritatively and I felt Red eyes let go. I collapsed back to the ground in too much pain and confusion to even try and stop myself from falling. I felt tears roll out and quickly raised up my arm to wipe them away so I didn't appear too weak. I peeked up through my arm to where the voice had resonated from and strangely enough it still seemed like the room was resonating power just from those words.

I felt myself get entranced with such spectacular beauty that I've never before seen in my life. It was like pure light, purer than sunlight in some way, shining through both white and colorful. There is almost no way for me to even begin to describe how it pulled my attention and kept it there. Three of them, all set into a crown of pure black metal, steel or something I guess because I don't know metals but what does it matter with those three things as decoration. They would look good on anything I'm sure.

With serious effort I brought my attention to the matter at hand and followed hair so black that it seemed to absorb the light of the room to a pair of eyes. Utter evil and malevolence emanated from those eyes and I couldn't break my gaze away as a sudden intrusion and blinding pain hit my head like a train. My body wouldn't even obey my commands an as I sat with gazes locked, I saw visions of my life and past flash through me very quickly. I knew he was watching them too and it made me furious and tremble, but I couldn't stop him. Curiosity and fascination came to me through our locked gazes and some visions floated clearer than other, like riding a bike for the first time and flying on an airplane.

I never have felt such malice, but the curiosity seemed to keep it away from destruction. I felt my mind and gaze released, but not even a second of relief was afforded to me as I felt myself being lifted up to my feet. I stood, swaying listlessly with Goldy's hand clasped the back of my dress keeping me from falling over. I felt a vague shiver of surprise worm itself through me as I became aware that red eyes had black hair, not quite as deep black as the magic rock dude, with horns curling up from the sides. I briefly considered if I was in hell, but my mind, and gaze, somehow ended back up to the gems. The three of them began conversing as I stayed my gently wavering form upright with assistance.

Snapping fingers in front of my face drew my mind back to my current reality. Goldy put his fingers under my chin and tilted my face up towards and studied in closely. I tried to pull my head away, but he tightened his fingers up around my cheeks so I wasn't able to pull away.

"let go of me" I demanded in English and he tilted almost imperceptibly to the right in a considering look. He obviously was unfamiliar with English. "Lessei-moi" I tried again in French which was the language I had studied all throughout high school and was currently taking classes in. His gaze intensified and he spoke rapidly, but red eyes quickly interrupted much to goldy's displeasure as I saw his gaze darken infinitesimally in displeasure.

He released my cheeks and I backed away quickly, but managed to bump into red eyes. I paid for that mistake dearly as I felt him fling me away. I practically flew across the room slamming heavily into the wall. I tried to catch myself with my hands but as my first palm connected I heard a terrible crack echo in the room.

As I struggled to get up blinding pain jolted up my arm like lightning and I couldn't help myself this time. Tears poured out of me and sobs erupted as I tried to reign them in and gently cradle my arm. I could hear Red eyes and Goldy seemingly argue in distance as my tear blurred gaze latched upon my slightly bent wrongly wrist. It was swelling up pretty bad and even feather light probes from me were causing pain to continuously accompany to ache running up my arm.

The mind readers voice managed to grab my attention again as power resonated around the room from it and I looked up still sniffling to the three of them. Goldy gave a terrifying smile in my direction and flicked his fingers at me in a "come here" gesture. I swallowed thickly through the tears, but found myself both too scared to move and too scared not to so I only managed to rise up and then just stayed still. His smile went down a fraction and I felt my heart, yet again, tremble in terror as I thought to myself that my first impression of him being a golden god was totally wrong with such dread radiating from him.

I cowered back in dread at his strode toward me not making any sound upon the floor despite how tall he was. He made a tsking sound and stopped in front of me gently running his fingers down my hair and catching a piece to rub between his fingers. I pulled it away, but he only looked amused and without warning had lifted me up into his arms. He was radiating a lot of warmth and I found myself blinking blearily, after a moment of tensing up as my gaze caught on red eyes and gaze a smile of sharp teeth, and fell into darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning, this definitely one of the M chapters. Really dark themes, but I won't go into anything too graphic at this moment in the story.

I woke faster the second time around. I still woke up dimly aware, but it came back to me much quicker. The one who had looked at me so sad with red hair, or so I must assume since I still can't see, was holding me against him gently. It was almost awkward because of how short I am. I can't decide if I should feel like a child or a toy in height comparison here. I can't see him, but from where I am leaning against him I can't feel his shoulder above me. I haven't seen him stand up yet, but I am sure he will tower over me then too.

He clearly felt me come back to consciousness. I angled my face up to look at him and we made eye contact through the dark. His eyes are nearly as indescribable as hair was with the varied emotions swirling in their dark gray depths. Though I suppose his eyes must be extra dark with the light. Wait, how can I see his eyes anyway, do they glow? What on earth is wrong with his eyes! The startled sensation I got from realizing his eyes had their own light reflecting was swallowed with a sickly fear creeping up as a remembered that thing that hurt me.

Unfortunately, as soon as I remembered getting wrecked, I felt the pain of it come back. I certainly had cracked a couple ribs, but clearly, my lung wasn't punctured. I broke eye contact and gently set my hand down over my ribs and lightly applied to pressure to find out where it hurt the most. I almost screamed, but as it was I only let out a choked garble.

Clearly, the red-haired guy was extremely agitated by my garble as he quickly took my hands. I fidgeted slightly confused and in extreme pain from my ribs. What if that kick had hit my spine or something?

"A pusta!"

"A pusta!"

"A pusta!"

He nailed me with a stern glare and his voice was almost, I say almost, scary despite what I remembered if his injured body. We may not speak the same language, but it wasn't difficult to figure out he wanted me to leave my ribs alone for now. I gave his eyes my best puppy dog eyes and let out a sad whimper of pain.

"A pusta!" He said once more letting his gaze bore into mine sternly before letting go of my hands.

I rested my hands in my lap and stared broodingly at the opposite wall. I couldn't actually see the opposite wall, but I know that it exists and that we are trapped here. I sucked in breathes and blew them out. I groaned and leaned my head back against the other prisoner. There is literally nothing to do here. I hate being bored. I can't even stand or do anything because it causes blinding agony.

Brilliance has come upon me! I'll try to initiate conversation with him.

"Hiiiiiii" I drew out pushing my head against him. He didn't acknowledge me and I let out a huff. I tried looking up to make eye contact again, but the light wasn't on me. Pun of course intended. I slowly lifted an arm trying to avoid agitating my ribs, but I could feel pain shooting through me anyway from the movement. His eyes shifted to where my arm was lifting and it narrowed. He looked back to my eyes. Does he see in the dark? He must, I would think, it at least certainly feels he can see my eyes and they were pointed at my hand after all.

"A pusta." He said in a deadly quiet voice. I narrowed my eyes back and slowly pulled my arm to the opposite shoulder.

"Chloe" I tapped my shoulder. I waited expectantly looking back into the stern eyes optimistically. I could feel my excitement at trying to do something deflating quickly. My eyes dampened, but I refused to cry over someone ignoring me. I looked down and gently moved my hand back to its original place on my lap.

"Maehdros" my head pulled up in surprise as he spoke. I looked back up at his eyes, but they were once again focused far away. I was hoping we could keep speaking, but he obviously didn't want to. I whispered it under my breath, however, it didn't sound nearly the same and I felt a slight shake on my body. The lancing pain resulted in a gasp from me and the sensation quickly stopped. Lights flashed in my vision and it took a few seconds before I realized he must have been laughing at me. I pushed my elbow back slowly until I found something and then jabbed it a little bit harder.

"Chloe" I said smugly waiting to see how he would pronounce. The perfectly pronounced "Chloe" from him had my eyes widening and I let out of a huff leaning back on him harder.

"Maehdros, Maehdros" I repeated until It sounded pretty good. I kept it on repeat for a few minutes in my head until I was sure I would pronounce it well. I'm bored again though. I need to get out of this place, I wasn't made for sitting in the dark for eternity. Then again, I don't want a repeat of the beating from before I was knocked out. OHMYGOSH! This one is here being beaten and so am I! What if we are in hell. This is terrible! What did I do to deserve this forever?

Apparently, my words are a magnet because the lock mechanism sounded on the door again. I tensed up and felt my ribs protest with searing pain. I ignored it to focus on the door as best as I could and dread took over my body as three of those things stepped in with a torch. I looked up to Maehdros as his arm tightened around me and was startled by his ear. It was pointy and I wanted to touch it to see if it was real. I already knew it was. His hair color, his glowing eyes, and his height, not to mention the other creatures. Of course, he was something else.

He snarled something at the three monsters who pushed their way in making raucous noise. I winced at the grating sound of their language and laughter as they responded in a jeering fashion. One of them approached me and without warning, Maehdros managed to pull me over him to his other side. I fell ungracefully backward though and let out a shriek at the pain of the ribs being jostled so obviously. I lay unmoving feeling pain and completely unaware of anything else other than needing to get up and run.

No matter how many times I told myself to get up every time I tried to move my body I fell back in agony. I felt something grab one of ankles and with horror, I saw it was one of the monsters. I swung my other foot at him weakly and he slapped it. I could hear the sound of the slap echoing in the small room and to my continuing horror, I saw Maehdros curled up. He was clearly unconscious and I could see blood welling from spots. Distress knotted in my stomach as I tried to swallow the knowledge that this beating of his is my fault.

One of the other monsters had managed to sneak up behind me in my distraction. Ok, I was kinda stuck on the floor in pain with my ankle grabbed, but he still snuck up. Pushing my arms down and pinning my wrists increased my adrenaline and my thoughts all shifted to just escape. The one holding my ankle shook me slightly and said something to the third one watching what was happening. It gave me a leer and I started screaming as my mind finally connected they didn't just want to beat me. I struggled furiously, but they were too strong and the one holding my ankle caught my other leg which had been swinging around furiously to evade being caught.

I kept thrashing wildly oblivious to further damage I was doing to my body. It was like I couldn't feel the pain at all, just thinking about having to escape. I jerked to a stop watching the one not holding my ankles or arms start unlacing his pants and screamed as loud as I could. I could hear the one behind me mutter something and vaguely felt heavier weight drop on my arms as he pinned my wrists down with his knees. I froze stunned into shock as its palm connected to my face and I felt blood well up in my mouth.

I didn't stay frozen for long, however, as he reached down to my dress. The rip of fabric startled me into renewed thrashing and the one who was unlacing approached. He kneeled down and gripped the other edge of my dress. He caught my eyes and a wolfish grin appeared and he slowly began lifting it.

"Nadal" the monsters froze and my vision flashed in and out as I felt the adrenaline begin to fade. The monsters all let go and stood. I peered past one of the monsters legs towards the door. He was beautiful. I wonder if he is like Maedhros. He said something else to them and moved inside as they hurried past him. He has a reallllllly mesmerizing voice. He strode towards me after sparing an unreadable glance at Maehdros.

He crouched down next to me and I let out at terrified and pained whimper when he moved his hand. He said something else and I just stared at him unmoving and in agony. He lowered his tone repeating something. I felt my body ease up a little as I kept my gaze suspiciously on his hand near my hair. He lifted some of it inspecting it and smiled at my bafflement. I tried to move up slightly onto my elbows and collapsed back with wail of pain. He frowned looking over my body and then just lifted me up. I gasped but didn't cry out this time at the jostling. He walked, or glided I suppose, quickly out the room and barked an order at one the monsters. I just kind of laid limp unable to move hearing the door slam shut and the mechanism being enacted. I finally escaped the room.

I tried to take in my surroundings, bu pain and repetition distracted me. It was more of the same basically. There were torches along the all every so often so it wasn't terribly dark like in the cell, but the stone just looked the same. The air seemed to be getting warmer though. Like super warm. I felt sweat bead along my brow as I hung limply in his arms. His? I don't even know who this one is. His hair is pretty like Maehdros. Well not like Maehdros because it is golden, not red. It's too damn hot now. To think I was cold in that. I nodded off slightly dizzy and bored with the stone and pain.

Lots of commotion instantly snapped me out of the almost sleep. The one holding me was looking into a room lined with beds and monsters rushing to and fro with a couple of Maehdrosses intermingled and looking over monsters in the beds. Hospital my mind decided to helpfully supply me as I internally sighed at the sight of the tools being used. One of the Maehdrosses stood, grabbed something, and we turned (technically he turned us, but whatever) with the Maehdros following us.

The one who followed us moved forward when we stopped and opened a door.

"LEILA" I cried out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The elvish I used is from the omniglot useful quenya phrases and nadal from angelfire from the blackspeech. They both mean stop. Also if you didn't catch it, Sauron found her in the dungeon. He recognized her as similar to Leila. Chloe also does not know the differences between elves and maiar or that the race is not called "Maehdros". So I hope that clears up any possible confusion.


	5. New Names

"What are you doing here?" I whispered urgently to Leila.

"I could ask you the same damn question." She said looking shocked. What on earth was wrong with her face. I hurried over to her scanning her and she seemed to being looking just as intensely at me.

"I know I look terrible, you're not looking perfect either," I said beating her to it. "so much has happened" I sighed feeling tears prick my eyes. Her eyes widened momentarily and I jerked backward startled at the presence suddenly behind me. It was the beautiful one with golden hair. I tried to glare at him but when he returned my gaze emotionlessly I lowered my eyes suddenly scared a sense of fear filling me.

"Tar-Mairon," He said putting a hand to his chest. Leila and I traded glances and after several moments of awkward and confused silence, she repeated it a couple of times fixing her pronunciation. He turned to me once she had it correct.

"Tar-Mairon?" I made it sound like a question instead of a name. I cursed myself internally for first looking so frightened by lowering my eyes and now looking like a fool confused by this obvious pronunciation of names. I decided to repeat his hand gesture and said my name in response. He tilted his head marginally and reached out placing his hand on my head.

"Airawende," he said even as I ducked backward away from his hand glaring at the offensive appendage.

"Chloe!" I spat. He was not going to treat me like a pet and put his hand on my head. His eyes took on a dangerous kind of light and coldly he repeated "Airawende".

"Chloe stop making him mad. They're really freaking dangerous. I was tossed around like a ragdoll" She hissed looking terrified. His gaze went to her and her face went white. Pointing at me he said "Airawende" and then towards Leila, he moved over and put his hand on her head too. She didn't move an inch looking scared.

"Haldamire," He said with a note of finality. He grabbed Leila's chin and jerked it up pointing at me with his other hand.

"Aira-a-and-d-de" She stuttered out in shock and when he put his hand down and shook her face lightly she stuttered out her name too. He turned on me with eyes of horror. I couldn't keep his gaze for a second before my eyes lowered themselves of their own accord in fright.

"Chloe and Leila" I muttered darkly hating how scared I felt and how defeated and frightened my best friend, my sister was.

"No no" Leila covered her face with her hands body shaking with frightened tears. I hadn't even realized he was already in front of me when his hand lifted up my chin this time. I couldn't evade eye contact and his eyes bored into me with a dreadful light and I could hear my heart pounding loudly in my ears. He was saying something to me, but I had no idea what. His hand was tight enough to leave to bruises on my face and I swallowed hard. He paused clearly waiting for something and when I had no words forthcoming he released me suddenly.

Stars exploded in my vision and pain rocked across my entire face as I collapsed. I felt blood pooling in my mouth and I realized he had just slapped me in the face. I gingerly felt the swelling on my cheek numb to my surroundings.

"Chlo-Ariawende!" Leila screamed and I realized she was kneeling down next to me. "Just say it you fool!" She gasped surveying me as I spat out blood.

"I can't. I won't" I muttered a rebellious tone still in my voice. I looked up but cowered down again catching sight of Tar-Mairon observing us. He reached down to Leila and lifted her up quickly. He wrapped a hand all the way around her throat and kept his eyes on me. He said something sternly that I didn't understand, but the meaning was obvious. It wouldn't be me he would hurt this time if I kept this rebellion up. I hesitated a second staring at Leila, but she choked as his hand tightened.

"Airawende" I muttered sullenly hand on my chest and the pointed at where he was holding Leila, but still with my gaze down "Haldamire". Leila dropped down beside me again as he let her go.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly resting a hand where a mark must have been. I felt anger erupt again as Tar-Mairon leaned down and ran his hand through my hair speaking softly and gently. His behavior infuriated me. Behaving as if I was an errant child in need of correction! I shook his hand off my head and leaned In Leila's embrace as I heard him laugh. It was such a pretty laugh, but at that moment it felt so cruel to hear.

We stayed this way for a more moment until I heard a lock click and looked up realizing he had left. I sighed trying to stop trembling from being hit like that. Never in my life had someone struck me across the face like that. I mean when I was a child my parents would spank me, but never had I been slapped and so viciously as he had done.

"Why would you do that? Why would you push them like that Chloe?" Leila shook her head eyes looking pitying at me.

"Is your arm broken?" I asked instead changing the subject. It was wrapped in something hard and she had been careful with it when hugging me. She nodded, but said nothing else still looking at me in that way she did when she was trying to get me to see I did something stupid.

"Chloe. Be smart about this. We don't where we are or who these people are. I don't even think they are human. I was hit and ended up across the room. We should tread carefully." She urged.

"For someone so worried why not use the names they just gave us" I responded dully.

"We should until we know more. They could be listening."

"I doubt it or they probably would have come back in and hurt one of us again. Leila, I woke up in a dungeon and something, a monster, tried" I broke off in a sob. She embraced me and stroked my hair.

"It's ok Chloe, it didn't happen or you wouldn't have said tried. We should do what they say for now until we know more. We can't make a random escape now, we know nothing. We must plan carefully. I think they believe we are children. Based on how they treat us anyway" She reasoned.

"Children? They treat us like rare objects. He seemed so fascinated with my hair. Speaking of hair why isn't yours back to normal? I was sure the dye must have washed out or dulled by now" I sighed in dejection.

"I wondered the same, but now it's not so important. We can worry about it later. I figured you would be more surprised about the makeup and facial designs staying on unblemished. I rubbed it but nothing came off my hand" She said demonstrating my rubbing her face hard. I cocked my head the pain in my face momentarily forgotten at the discovery we couldn't remove our makeup.

"Weird" I muttered. I rubbed my forehead intensely in thought. I couldn't figure through this right now. Too much pain, too much confusion.

"Look they put us somewhere with a bed and it looks comfortable," Leila said coaxingly nudging me up.

"Better than the uncomfortable dungeon at least" I sighed. She wasn't wrong it did look comfortable. Golden, red, and black colored the room as I finally took a good look at my surrounding. I frowned at the lack of windows and I felt my eyebrows scrunch in confusion at the designs on the wall tapestries. I would figure through them later. I climbed into the bed and Leila did the same on the other side.

"At least we have each other," I said softly drifting into darkness barely catching Leila's watery smile in response.


	6. Where is Lunch?

I dearly wished that there were windows to look out from. No one had been here since giving us new names. My stomach was rolling with hunger and then anxiety realizing we'd have to interact with them again for food. I could hear Chloe's stomach rumbling too from where she sat in the bed drifting in thoughts.

I tried to engage her in conversation after we had both woken up, but she seemed reticent to tell me what all had happened. All I know is that there another guy down there getting mistreated and he must have helped her. She seems very morose about him being there still. Though Perhaps it is a mixed blessing. I am not much of a medical person, but at least I know how to not stress my injuries. That child would be running around or doing something straining if she wasn't morose.

"I'm freaking hungry" She muttered darkly glaring at the door. I hadn't actually been expecting her to speak, but she might be getting bored.

"I can't help you with that, I'm also very hungry" I sighed putting a hand on my stomach as it let out a loud gurgle. I glanced over at the door and sighed. Of course I had tried to open it to absolutely no avail.

"What if we both just start screaming or shouting super loud near the door?" Chloe suggested. I considered it briefly and nodded. Hopefully they wouldn't get angry at us for being disruptive.

"Chloe you better behave yourself this time little miss. I would rather neither of us get hurt on the quest for survival" I said warningly as she approached. She rolled her eyes.

"Chloe!" I snapped and she finally nodded acquiescing. Thank the lord, this is too stressful for her to be making trouble so soon.

"On 3. 1, 2, 3!" We both screamed as loud as we could putting our hands over ears. Nothing happened. Trading glances and understanding, we both screamed again.

"LET US OUT WE NEED FOOD" Chloe yelled banging her fist on the door.

After a moment of nothing, I stepped back rubbing my forehead with my hand. This wasn't going to work. As far we know, no ones even around here and they probably cannot even hear us.

"That hurt" Chloe muttered rubbing her hand.

"Well now you know not to do it again I hope" I pointed out leaning my forehead against the door.

"Really Leila? Must you be so negative. I can hear the hopeless tone in your voice" She sassed back.

"What's there to be hopeful about! We don't where we are, with who, or why. That stupid rock at the festival did this!" I spat angrily. I didn't really mean to take it out on Chloe, but how else was I supposed to let out my feelings.

"You're typically the more calm one in unusual situations" She said considering.

"Only in a crisis and we've been here long enough to forget about not panicking. You change and move all the time, of course it's easier for you to be somewhere strange, even trying, for several days" I responded agitatedly. Suddenly Chloe is now the placator. What a turn of events.

"I know you haven't been traveling a great deal or gone without family for a long time, but don't loud it cloud your senses. We need to think of a way out and be levelheaded" She tried to be soothing, of course I wasn't soothed.

"Says the lady who felt it necessary to confront Goldy, or Tar-Mary, or whatever his name is and then get hurt in the process" I scoffed.

"I will admit that I was foolish and angry, but he trying to get rid of our names and act like they own us" She snapped back. Chloe did never take well to be being trapped or controlled. Heaven's know that's true.

"Well you need to pull it together too! I'm not sure if we're alive because they believe we're children or because we randomly appeared somewhere we probably shouldn't have." I responded feeling angry at the situation.

"Pretty sure they didn't think I was child in the dungeon" Chloe hissed.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I demanded suddenly confused and extremely worried for my best friend.

"Nothing, never mind, I guess they could think we are children. They are super tall compared to us. Just think about how we come up to Tar-Mary" She snickered at the nickname I had given him.

"I'm not letting this go, I want to know what happened, but you better be careful not to say Tar-Mary to his face" feeling more light hearted than I had since coming here at the silly name we gave our captor. She nodded trying not to laugh which caused me to laugh at her expression and then we were both laughing. Laughing like nothing bad had ever happened and we weren't trapped. Each time we made eye contact it started all over again.

"Stop it my stomach hurts" I wheezed out as Chloe staggered back from the door and collapsed laughing against the bed. She had tears in her eyes as she shook her head and muttered a small impossible. The absurdity of the situation was making everything more hysterical until we heard a lock engage and we both instantly were wiped of all laughter. I glanced at Chloe and saw her wiping away the tears of laughter as quick as she could.

Tar-Mairon come through the door with a monster following. It was uglier than I ever thought something could be. I mean I've seen how monsters are made for movies and in games in modern times, but it doesn't do justice to how they really look. Or maybe it's actually seeing one in real life close enough to touch. I must've gone pale because Tar-Mairon raised an eyebrow at our reactions, but made no comment. Not like we would've understood anyway.

He beckoned over to him with one hand and afraid of what would happened if I didn't go, I slowly moved toward him. He was clearly not pleased with the speed of my progress because his hand shot out, grabbing my arm, and pulling me towards him. I stumbled slightly, but his grip was too strong for me to fall and he pulled me more upright with a quick jerk.

I glanced up at him and my eyes widened seeing the golden and red fire burn in his eyes. They were really terrifying. I felt cowed just making eye contact with him. He released my arm and pointed towards the monster. I must've looked terrified because he gave a small push, not enough to actually hurt or forcefully move me, but enough to get me walking over there. It was then I noticed that it had what looked like measuring tapes and needles. A seamstress monster I wondered. It gestured me to stand up straight and then unrolled one of the measures. I tried to pretend it wasn't a scary monster taking my measurements, but just seeing Tar-Mairon approach Chloe automatically took my attention off of it.

She didn't look at him as he approached. I was mentally applauding her acting skills in my head as she looked at her shoes meekly. Or was she acting? Maybe she was afraid after being slapped across the face so brutally. But I could never be sure with her. She kept staring down even after he was in front of her with her hands held in front of her looking almost contrite. Well she might be afraid and regretful about the consequences, but she's definitely not sorry. He pulled her face up and with his other hand, motioned to himself and said Tar-Mairon. Then he pointed at me and waited expectantly. I waited in terror at the moment of silence that stretched out over what seemed a century, but then she muttered Haldamire. He then released her chin and gestured toward her. She bit her lip, but then kicked the floor lightly and said Airawende.

I felt relief flood into me. She didn't make the same mistake twice. Then I felt all the relief melt seeing him pat Chloe's head and her furious expression. Don't hit him, don't hit him, please Chloe let it go, I begged mentally. She did, but cast a resentful expression at me and I just shrugged with wide eyes. The monster said something to me and I tilted my head confused. He waved me away and beckoned Chloe. We made eye contact passing each other and I could see the anger in her expression. Luckily she did nothing and said nothing as she was being measured. When it was finished it also motioned her away. Tar-Mairon said something to it and they began to leave.

"WAIT" Chloe shouted. Both of them looked back at us and I felt terror once again. Please tell me she's not going to do something stupid. I can't take this kind of stress.

"We need food" She said softly looking sad and patting her stomach. Realization hit me and I nodded vigorously patting my stomach too which luckily made a grumble of dissatisfaction. Tar-Mairon nodded at us and left locking the door again.

"Do you think we'll get food now?"


	7. Chapter 7

It's been at least an hour since we asked for food. I'm hangry and also bothered by the fact Leila is angry with me. She probably doesn't even realize it herself, but she's blaming me for this internally. I can tell the by the way she's been trying to get me to see "common sense". She clearly thinks I'm a loose cannon here and that I'll get us both hurt.

I will admit my refusal with the names was unbelievably foolish, but I wasn't and am still not in a sound state after what happened and what I saw. I hope the guy who was down there with me is okay, but I know he's not. I am terrified out of my mind too, but I'm also angry. Clearly the dungeons aren't uncommon and what happens in them doesn't matter.

It really grinds on me that I don't understand that is being said to us. Like it makes me unbelievably stressed out. We won't be able to know anything until we can either learn or they kill us. Whichever comes first I suppose.

"Please stop doing that" Leila sighed looking longingly to the door. My hand paused from its tapping. I hadn't even realized I was doing it. She probably wouldn't have either if she wasn't upset with me. I caught her gaze and she just her head at me. I looked away in frustration.

The footsteps coming closer had both of our attention. My stomach made a loud grumble and I looked toward the hopefully. For probably the millionth time in the past couple days my stomach plummeted and I felt all the blood drain out of my face. Four of the things came through the door right towards us. I didn't offer any struggle when two of them grabbed a different arm and began hauling me out the door. I was frozen in fear and I'm ashamed to say I offered no resistance, but Leila didn't sound like she was struggling either.

The fear kept me in a sort of panicked and frozen daze. The gray walls and ceiling passed with hardly a change in them and I tried mastering my panic. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. I swallowed and shook my head. They could be taking us to die. I bit my lip hard and shook my head. I was beginning to feel really light-headed.

"Leila" I gasped out worried trying to look over my shoulder. I saw them following us from farther away. She was just hanging limply letting them take her. Ok, that's what I am doing too, but she won't look up at me. We turned into an open doorway and they tossed me inside. Within moments Leila was tossed in as well next to me. I glanced back behind me waiting to see if they were going to enter but they shut the door and locked it. I looked at Leila and she stared back at me neither of us willing to make a move. I didn't move from where I was lying and just quickly glanced all around where we were. It was brightly lit by many lantern lamp things. When I didn't see or hear any other things or people I slowly raised up to my knees and I noticed Leila doing the same thing.

"They want us to wash" Leila whispered. I looked at her in bafflement. She pointed towards the back wall. I followed where she was pointing and noticed steam rising from a circular container sort of like a bathtub.

"Okay, let's go then" I rose up and walked gingerly towards the steaming water.

"It looks too hot" Leila muttered staring at it suspiciously. I slowly moved my finger towards the water, but she slapped it away and told me not be stupid. But come on, how are we gonna know its too hot or not if we don't test it.

"Hey look, are those clothes for us?" I nudged to Leila to look at a table pushed against the wall across from the the tub.

"And soap it looks like" she approached the table and lifted up a bottle of something that was there and thick brick of something. She dropped it in my hand and then opened the bottle. It felt kind of waxy and weird. She held out for me to smell. I shrugged after smelling something kind of like flowers and musk.

"I think that's for after the water" I said unfolding the clothes. It was a freaking dress or robe like a dress. With three layers too! And it is so hot in this place! What are these people thinking? I'm sweating just thinking about it. Leila reached out from behind me and ran her fingers over the fabric.

"It's kind of pretty" she smiled. Trust her to find something good about this situation.

"Just think about the temperature" I hissed feeling my anger bubble inside me. Not at her, but I couldn't help it. She stared at me in exasperation and I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Don't start with me" She sighed turning back to the hot water. I set down the clothes and moved up to where I saw her glaring at the water. Probably trying to figure out why it was so hot or how to cool it down.

"Lets just get in and we'll adjust to it soon enough" I said pulling up my sleeve high on my arm and giving the room one more suspicious look. I didn't want anyone barging in here.

"You shouldn't! what if it burns you?" Leila grabbed by arm gently. I stared at her and just shrugged. She gaze me a sad sigh, which I ignored, and gingerly leaned over the water. It was a very large container? Tub? Water holder? And I suppose there is a good question of how it was heated up. But I've seen a lot of things since coming here and it's probably just that all water in this place is super hot. Or I'm just upset and everything about this place is negative. But let me tell you, that guy was in a horrible state and he didn't get there on his own. I plunged my hand and within a second yanked it back out gasping.

"OHMYGOSHAREYOUCRAZYYOUACTUALLYDIDIT! Leila screamed spinning me towards her in horror. My arm and hand was now a bright red. I groaned loudly. Of course it was too hot, but at least pain is a feeling other then sadness or horror.

"Why don't we just use our dirty clothes as wash rags and clean ourselves that way. Maybe we can just dip the back of our hair in and just pull it out slowly? We would be less likely to burn ourselves." I suggested ready to get this all over with.

I thought I heard Leila mumble "Oh, I'm sure you'd find a way" under her breathe, but refrained from commenting. Arguing wouldn't get us anywhere at this point.

"Our dirty clothes as the washing ones?" Leila asked looking very vexed at the idea.

"Well do you want the new ones to get wet?" I countered glaring over at the many layers.

"I guess not, but I can't believe you actually did that you little fool!" She practically spat, looking furious and greatly upset. To be fair, the sharp sting only increased as minutes passed, the first signs of blistering puckering my skin. She turned her back to me and swiftly removed her clothing, meticulously searching the torn and dirty scraps for even a patch that wasn't soiled.

I stripped with far less fanfare than she, and dumped the wad of clothing into the tub. Making sure to only grasp a corner of the muddy fabric. I may have dunked my hand into the water out of impulse, or maybe just to spite Leila. I wasn't sure what I needed to prove to her; just that I wasn't too keen on burning myself a second time. Leila noticed, of course, and wordlessly nudged the dress from my hands, adding it to her own. I let her, wincing as the material chafed against my over-sensitive skin. Leila worked silently, as if I wasn't there, only looking up to shoot pained glances at my hand.

Her hard expression only marred by splotchy red spots that were now blooming across her cheeks and neck. Whether from embarrassment, the water's heat, or rage; I didn't know. She kept her thoughts from me, whatever turmoil that churned within her trapped inside. I don't know why she needs to act so traumatized, I was the one who went and burned myself. I opened my mouth to say as much, but the words caught in my throat and turned into a strangled sigh.

The process took longer than I thought it would; with having to add the soap and unlabeled liquids to make the fabric bubbly for washing. I don't even want to contemplate how we are going to soap our hair because it will dry off slightly while it cools. Well maybe not.

"Are you ready to try and wash our hair together" I asked. She looked up and nodded wordlessly. I sighed at her gesture for me to go first and wordlessly let my hair in fall in as I leaned back.

With how careful we were, it took some time, but fortunately not as long as I had suspected. I closed my eyes in frustration as Leila pointed out there was no hairbrush. They can be so prepared, but forget a stupid hairbrush. Now we gotta wiggle into these winter clothes. I say that sarcastically, but why so many layers in this temperature. My hand and arm felt a lot better but it was still a bit pink. I unfolded and separated the fabrics quickly pulling the first one on. At least it is a very pretty fabric and silky too. I ran my hand over it in grudging admiration at how a golden sheen managed to push out of the dark red. I can't decide if I liked my renaissance costume enough to be happy my hair and face and permanently changed or if I should be depressed I'll never actually look like me again. I really haven't had time to think about it, but looking at Leila's blue ombre hair reminds me. I was kinda hoping the water might do something.

"Here" Leila grunted as she pulled my second layer over the first. It is too damn tight across my chest. I let out a wheeze and motioned her to pull her second layer over her head so I could help her yank it down. It was a much lighter in color fabric. Opaque enough to see the dark red underneath and I think Leila has the same second layer because I can see black fabric with a blue sheen shine through as well. The third part didn't have to go over our heads, it just tied around neck and had sleeves. Like a sleeved cloak I guess.

"I'm already sweating" I groaned moving my shoulders to see if the fabric across my chest would loosen. It didn't.

"It's not that bad" Leila said holding her sleeve admiringly. I shook my head and moved to where they threw us in. I kicked the door and when I looked at Leila she was just staring at me like I was an idiot again.

"Why can't you just be patient. You know the door is locked" She fired off.

"Patience isn't my strong suit!"

"Oh, I am aware"

"Then why are you pushing it?" I demanded.

"Because you keep…" Leila shut up as we heard the lock mechanism turning. I bolted away from the door and stood next to Leila. Trading glances we waited apprehensively for the door to unlock. It was goldy. I mean it was Tar-Mairon. I shivered remembering the slap from before when I refused to repeat our names. He looked over us critically.

"Haldamire. Airawende" He motioned us closer. Leila and I traded glances frightfully and moved closer. My hand instinctively ran over my cheek nervously and I felt nausea curl my insides at his tilted smile to my fearful response. He said something else, but I don't know what it is and I know he know we don't know what it is. What is his goal here? He turned and walked away calling our names again. Anger flashed through me again at his expectation we would just listen no questions asked. Well alright we would, but not because we wanted to. We followed him and our hands clasped together tightly in fear.


	8. Finally something interesting happened...sort of

He was cruel. Too cruel. I thought he might finally take us to get some food, but he is just taunting us with it. We are now stuck inside a very small room with another of the really beautiful people, but this one seems to be in dire straits like us. The dark hair is all matted and tangled falling over bony shoulders. Wide luminous eyes inspecting us just as we are inspecting him or her? Seems more like a her. She's very tall though, and not hunched at all despite how the bones are protruding from a too skinny body. Not as tall as Tar-Mairon, but definitely much taller than us. A chain on her left foot is attached to a ring on the floor and behind her is what looks like a desk of paper and books. 

The worst is that there is food on the table as well. Food for two of us and no matter how kind of disgusting it looks, I can still smell it. My tummy rumbles, but instead we are stuck here like a sick joke and not one of the three of us making a sound or move. Tar-Mairon had just dropped us off after speaking harshly to the new person. She looked absolutely cowed and terrified when he had spoken to her before. I suppose he is not as beautiful as his face and body would have us think. 

I looked at the food and then at Laila giving a significant expression she read as let's go eat. However, when we stood up and stepped in that direction the lady panicked. She gasped and shook her mutely tears welling up. I exchanged another glance with Laila. Laila looked as baffled and off-kilter as I felt. She quietly approached with her hands up and made soothing noises. The lady looked at her a moment as tears sparkled on her cheeks and then let a pained laugh. She pointed at the papers and books. Laila went to inspect them and I decided that that was my moment to figure out what was going on. I waved feeling uncomfortable bringing attention to myself and the lady raised an eyebrow at me. I made a wide gesture to everything and cocked my head in the universal sign of confusion. She held up one finger and pointed at the books and then two fingers and pointed at the food. 

I groaned realizing we had to do something with her and the books before eating. She gave me a pitying look as Laila returned to me holding something out. I took it and ran my eyes over it. Looked like a bizarre alphabet. 

"They want us to learn their language" Laila whispered to me. I nodded and tried to veil my fury and having my food withheld for this. We both looked at the lady, I guess she was our teacher, and she gestured for us to sit and took the paper back as we sat. 

"How long are we going to sit here until we can eat" I muttered. I would try and just go for it, but the dull ache across my face was telling me not to be so defiant ever again. 

"Just try and learn quickly" Laila murmured as the lady begin to talk. I just looked at her letting confusion settle and with a sigh she stopped. I pointed at myself and gave her my name and then Laila did the same. We waited expectantly for a moment, but she made no move to tell us hers. I gestured impatiently at her confused and she frantically shook her head. She clearly didn't want to tell us her name and looked afraid to. She then held up the paper and started at the very beginning. 

what felt like an eternity later she stopped. I tried hard to remember. I really did, but that was a lot of noises and symbols and we don't even know what the symbols mean. I have about 15 memorized and I think Laila might be doing even worse. She looks totally bamboozled. The lady handed us each a paper with the symbols/alphabet and then finally gestured at the food. I stood up superfast and Laila followed suit. She held up a hand though when we got the food. It looked kind of unappealing was definitely cold after sitting here for more than an hour taunting us. I made a move to grab a spork looking thing and the lady held up her hand again. I was about to lose my temper, I can't go this long without food. I feel like vomiting by this point of hunger which is weird. 

Leila nudged me and I look up realizing that I had lost myself in thought of food and revenge. The lady pointed once and everything and said a word. She then pointed and waited expectantly at us. I was not prepared for this nonsense. We already had to learn the symbols and now this. We both stayed silent. Obviously, it wasn't just me not paying attention to the food and silverware words. The lady repeated everything once more and much slower. The next 15 minutes felt like an even longer eternity since we were so close to the food, yet here we were stuck repeating until we had all of them memorized and could each repeat every word of what she pointed at. 

We both fell onto the food, with what was probably the grace of starved animals. It was pretty disgusting. It was like some kind of icky stew with no idea what kind of meat and mushrooms in it. The bread should have been on top of a mountain with how rock-like it. Almost broke a tooth chomping down. I still managed to eat all of the soup thing and still be hungry. Never ever going to ask what is in it. Laila was eating much more slowly looking at each bite, but didn't reject any food either. The best and worst food I've ever had. Of course I have experienced hunger, but not hunger, not starvation. I suppose hunger is one of the things you pity and sympathize with others about, but lack all actual empathy until you feel real hunger pangs and wonder when your next meal will be. Then just to have it taunted in front of your face. I do not understand the goal here. Did they think we could concentrate better with a tempting reward for afterwards? No, no , NO! All thought was on that food and not learning that stupid language.

Chloe can do some languages. I mean she speaks 3, but I can't seem to concentrate on the words. I know them and remember them for all about 5 minutes and then it just seems to fly out of my brain. I don't know why, I tried so hard to learn another language and couldn't. Now my life may be dependent on it. And there is an entire new alphabet that looks like, oh I don't know, maybe Arabic with the flowing script. Completely different from any language I've ever seen or heard of.

I'm sulking. I know it, and Chloe does as well if her unusually quiet demeanor is any indication. I wrapped my arms around myself and leaned back closing my eyes. Naturally that's when we heard loud noises echoing from far away. I looked at Chloe in shock after hearing a strangled whimper and at her equally shocked expression we both looked at the teacher. She looked even worse than when we came in, if that's possible. Horror and panic were etched across her face as she stared at the door making terrible whimpers of fear. I felt the wings of dread and fear simultaneously unfurl in my stomach in response. I squeezed Chloe's offered hand and realized she was shaking.

I'm terrified too and I wasn't the one hit across the face. Though she didn't witness them tossing me around like a ragdoll or she might not have been so dunderheaded about our names. There is, however, a purpose or reason they must have to keep us alive. They gave us food, clothes, and new names. These clothes aren't culturally known to me from the style, but it is not modern at all. Besides staying alive and in their good graces, we must learn where we are! It is likely too soon to consider most viable options for discovering things considering we can't speak their language. And why there are things here that don't look human at all. And the pointed ears on Tar-Mairon and our teacher has them too!

The lady, or prisoners is probably a better description, looked more shaken every moment and her whimpers increased in volume as the steps and banging approached. I was looking at her instead of the door when it opened and heard Chloe suck in a breath. I twisted back to look and my heart thudded loudly in response to seeing the horrid monsters again. Twisted and gruesome they looked. Smelled that way too. Seeing is believing in every sense of the phrase here. Watching horror movies and reading about knights defeating monsters in books is completely different then looking a real one in the face.

Chloe screamed and jumped up, but they just shoved past her to the terrified teacher, who had fallen to the floor and was whimpering uncontrollably. With a jangle they attached manacles to her wrists and slid some kind of device over her neck with a chain attached and yanked her up.

"Haldamire. Airawende." I turned and faced the doorway my teeth gritted in anxiety. I mean nothing at all had happened when he led us here from washing up. His eyes bored sternly into mine for a moment and then into Chloe's. He said something and at our incomprehension his eyes narrowed. Oh jeez, please tell me he doesn't expect us to be fluent in a month or something. He studied us and then said something else.

The sudden movement behind us startled me and I jerked around in terror expecting one of the monsters to be there. A shrill noise escaped the teacher prisoner lady as she was forced to her knees. Another sharp command from Tar-Mairon had the monsters cease movement and hold both her arms and shoulder stiffly. I stiffened as I felt a hand smooth over my hair. How did he get there so quietly? I am sure with how tense I am I would have noticed any movement! Things do not seem normal here at all, in any type of sense. I mean aside from the already bizarre circumstances and monsters and clothes etc. Chloe let a small whimper herself and I saw Tar-Mairon run a hand down her hair as well, but keep some of it in his hand. A shiver ran through me and my eyes caught Tar- Mairon's again. My hands clenched into a fists and I swallowed looking down meekly unable to keep his gaze. There something both really terrifying and compelling in his golden eyes. I hated myself for how scared I felt and acted.

He was in front of me. I knew it, but refused to look up with fear and nausea intertwining. His hand came under my chin and lifted my face up. I could see Chloe out of the corners of eye looking at us terrified. Probably more for me in this moment, but I haven't done anything wrong. He shouldn't be mad at me. What am I thinking?! Do anything wrong, how ridiculous. How he is treating us is wrong! I think he sensed underlying anger in me because he smiled down at me and then pointed to the monsters and our teacher. He tilted his head catching Chloe's eyes and I looked back at her and after I saw her look that way I did the same. He released me and I heard, finally!, a rustle of cloth as he stepped back behind towards the door, but I didn't dare look back.

He spoke another command and my eyes widened as the two monsters jerked on the teacher like a sick marionette. They forced her hands to the floor and one of them pushed her head down until her forehead smacked painfully onto the floor. I winced at the teachers strangled gasp when her head connected, but she kept it down. The monsters halted for a moment until Tar-Mairon spoke again and adjusted the teacher prisoner's position slightly. It looked almost like a kowtow. She was bowed down with her head touching the floor and the tips of her fingers brushing against each other near the top of her head with the palms flat down on the floor. She spat out something that sounded like a curse and one of the monsters hit the back of her head thumping her head into the floor loudly.

"Haldamire. Airawende" Tar-Mairon said and motioned to our teacher on the floor and then at us, I sat up ramrod straight and looked at Chloe. She looked back at me with fear, horror, and confusion in her eyes and expression. He said our names again sternly and I felt tears well up in my eyes as I nodded at Chloe and stood up.

"Do it now!" I hissed to her still sitting in shock and confusion. She was going to get herself hurt again! I gathered up some of the fabric and pulled it up slightly so I could sit on my knees better. I hissed Airawende at her and she jerked up shakily and copied my movement. When she settled next to me I leaned forward and tried to mimic our teachers position and I felt Chloe moving beside me into a similar shape. A tear slipped out and I stared at the small speck of salt water on the ground. It kind of hurt my knees and was cold on my forehead. I felt one really hot hand on my stomach and back and was pulled up and forward until my head rested on my hands. It was definitely Tar-Mairon because I don't think the monsters had temperature anomalies. The hands moved and then I felt them guiding my arms into a more graceful shape. I heard Chloe yelp after the hands had left me and figured he was moving her too. MY thoughts are all sorts of scattered today. I must be too nervous and its affecting me.

I burned with wrath and humiliation from our predicament, but there is nothing I can do about it now. We just have to stay alive and figure out where we are. I just want to go home. I felt more tears well up. I felt Chloe tremble beside me and sucked in a breath trying to hold in the tears, but they didn't listen to me and began to fall more freely. He spoke our names again and I looked up trying to blink the tears away so I could see better. He seemed like a giant from down here. He made a quick jerk of fingers and we both struggled up helping each other. He surveyed us and with a tilted expression of pity reached out to me. I jerked back and he frowned golden eyes seeming to brighten up with power. I froze and he brushed his thumb across my cheek gently wiping away some of the tears. I felt Chloe grab my hand again and squeeze it tightly.

"Haldamire, Haldamire, Haldamire" he spoke my new name gently pulling his hand away. He grabbed my other hand and tucked it into his arm. He started walking, quite quickly, and I almost tripped, my tucked hand forcing me to keep up and I felt Chloe stumble once or twice but she didn't let go of my hand. My hand tightened almost unconsciously on Tar-Mairon's arm and Chloe's hand when we passed several groups of monsters. He made no acknowledgement of it, but Chloe gripped back tighter in reassurance each time. Nothing looked familiar, but we somehow still ended up where he had begun earlier today in that room. I was almost sickly relieved to see it. He released my hand and I pulled back to stand next to Chloe. He looked us over seeming pleased and then motioned to the bed.

I felt all the blood drain my face and squeezed Chloe's hand so tight she gasped and tried to jerk it away. Tar-Mairon let out a laugh at my panic. It sounded so perfect and so terrible at the same time. My breathing was starting to increase rapidly.

"There's simple sleeping clothes on the bed you fool" Chloe elbowed me.

"What? I? oh?" I whispered weakly feeling faint. He glared at Chloe then at me and spat out a stern command. Like we can understand. Chloe nodded weakly and I decided to do the same. He left the room and after the lock engaged I felt my breath come easier.

"He doesn't want us to speak our language, I think" Chloe whispered. "I heard the word language in that sentence I think" she explained at my baffled look. We learned the word language? I rubbed my temples.

"I want to go to sleep, but I also want to talk to you about everything that has happened today" I groaned.

"Well it might be best if we both think about it tonight and sleep on it first" Chloe suggested. A strangely reasonable suggestion from her.

"We didn't even do much today" I sighed.

"we are stressed and in a strange place. Tiredness isn't abnormal Leila" Chloe said comfortingly.

"help me?" I asked motioning to our outfits.


	9. The girls do something stupid

I was exhausted and yet unable to sleep. Leila was probably asleep, but if she wasn't then we were both just staying silent in our sadness. No way to tell what is night and morning in this place. I haven't seen any windows. Now it is dark in this room of ours, but it has lanterns and candles that make it bright like when we were awake yesterday. We just assumed we were supposed to blow them out when we went to sleep. I also struggle to sleep with lights on.

I don't want to get up. I never want to get up and face where we are. Occasionally strange noises and growls can be heard outside the door faintly. It's been a struggle between momentary panic every time and my mind rationalizing that we won't just be killed based off of our treatment so far. Even back home I was never able to sleep easily. Not even the horrors of this place give me forced exhaustive rest.

Time is like sand. Endless. I wonder how long I'll have to wait here for someone to come or for me to fall asleep.

-2 hours later-

My heart started racing and in confusion I blinked away my tiredness taking in three of the lanterns lit and someone at the fourth one. I knew I was too exhausted from my lack of sleep when my heart rate went even faster after Leila startled me by grabbing my hand.

"who is that" I whispered looking at the black haired being turn towards us.

"I don't know, but he was the one who flung me across the hall. He is very dangerous" Leila squeezed my hand tight in fear. The red eyes were locked onto us emotionless and empty. I narrowed my eyes at him and then bit my lip wondering if I went too far. I looked at Leila again and made a confused expression. She just stared at me like I was crazy. He was still just looking at us all expressionless and weird like. Now it is just getting comedically awkward, but I'm too afraid to laugh.

"Come on, lets us put back on those over robes" I suggested quietly. Leila nodded and I slipped out with her following me. Have to say I was a bit relieved she followed me rather than have us separated by the bed. We quickly helped each other put them on properly and then turned back to the guy, but he was already heading towards the door. Leila looked at me and I shrugged. Obviously we are meant to follow.

He walked a little bit fast for us. We almost to jog to keep up with his long quick strides. It was getting hotter than normal the more continued this direction. I don't think it is just from keeping it either. The air is literally turning hotter each step and sweat is starting to drip down my face and neck. Leila looks to be the same, I see the perspiration dripping down her face too.

"Why is it so damn hot" Leila panted out of breath. It was like being in oven. I raised my eyebrows and nudged Leila hard. After a whispered curse at me she looked up. The entire corridor looking like it was illuminated down on the far end around the corner. They must have a fire going or something, I guess. I don't know why we have to move towards it, its getting unbearably hot.

"if we both stop" I whispered "they might punish us, but also might realize the temperature is getting insane." I suggested feeling like I needed to pass out from heat stroke. Leila looked hard at me as if in conflict about moving closer to the heat or corporal punishment. After a long moment she nodded her assent and we both stopped. He didn't stop for several steps and then turned very slowly and just looked at us. No emotion on his face, just looking, kind of like a statue. Well, if statues could kill you in one second or toss you around like frisbee from what Leila told me.

This guy's staring and no movement is almost scary then Tar-Mairon. Almost. I just extremely dislike not being able to know or predict what he will do. It's probably the mystery of his behavior that makes him terrifying. It still felt like it was getting hotter. I think the heat was moving towards us. The hallway was getting brighter so whatever is making it hot is moving toward us.

"Chloe, oh my gosh. Look!" Leila gasped, but I had already seen it and was just frozen. It was horrifying nightmare become reality. Worse than the disfigured monsters. It was like shadow and fire wrapped into a single being exuding flames. It almost looked like it didn't fit into the hallway and the ceiling was very high. It must have been like 6 of me stacked on top of each other to get anywhere near its height. Red eyes had turned and pushed out one of his hands gesturing away. Was it holding whips? We grabbed each other hand extremely tightly and I used my other hand to try and wipe away the sweat dripping down into my eyes. He spoke back to Red eyes! It can speak! They sound like they are arguing. Or maybe it's just the pitch of its voice because Red eyes sounds exactly the same which is toneless. It stepped closer and I moved back several steps to match the difference dragging Leila with me. Then, at its next step, we turned and ran.


	10. Chloe Suffers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXTREMELY IMPORTANT: TRIGGER WARNING FOR TORTURE. Please do not read the second half of this chapter if you don't like really intense or graphic scenes of violence. You will find out what happens in the next chapter. I also realize Chloe was POV in the chapter before this one and in most of this one. Don't worry Leila will get her POV an entire chapter soon.

I didn't hesitate for a second when Chloe started turning. I didn't want to burn to death. Never knew I could run this fast. Sweat was dripping down into my eyes and I was gasping for breath, but I was still running in a full sprint. We turned several corners and finally slowed a bit when the passage split right and left. Why is everything so cliché? Also Red eyes is super-fast from what I recall. He would have caught us if he wanted right? Right? Chloe was leaning over hands on her knees, taking controlled breaths.

"We have to separate Chloe" I choked out still trying to catch my breath.

"what?" she looked at me startled and confused.

"they will catch us or they could have already, but one of us will have more time than the other if we split and maybe get us some information about where we are or something." I explained feeling light headed.

"are you insane? Look for information? I'm trying not to die right now thanks." Chloe raised her eyebrows at me in shock.

"We don't have time for this and I'm scared of what will happened to us when Red eyes comes for us. He could have been here already. I don't want him to hurt me again" I felt my throat closing up as tears threatened. Chloe's expression softened and she looked sad. I turned to the right and took off trusting that Chloe would take off and keep her eyes open.

I couldn't run very long at all. It felt like a thousand miles but was probably only a kilometer. My body wasn't used to this kind of extreme exercise. Of course, I had no idea where I was, but I needed to get somewhere. Anywhere. I was kind of lying when I was talking about looking for information. It would be useful yes, but it's just more common sense for us to separate because Red eyes can only go after one of us at a time. I think? Unless he can split himself. I just told Chloe that so she didn't decide to argue about it and waste time. Also it ought to make that loose cannon more aware of her surroundings so she doesn't run off anymore staircases. Like that time she sprinted out of a friend's house we visited and ran straight off the stairs fracturing her radius. Ditzy child. Good ness, I really needed to start running again. I took in a deep breath and shot off like a rocket again then I slowed down considerably. Then right after that another speed and began rotating slow and fast.

I screamed and stumbled to halt after bolting around a corner into a group of the scary monsters during a speed moment. That was so generically stupid to say here, but what to call them? I tried to backtrack, but tripped and went down hard on to my backside staring in shock at the four of them. They were looking at me shock too. Dammit! If they had all been standing here why weren't they talking so I could hear them? I was breathing loudly. Maybe I drowned it out. That's possible. I screamed as loud as possible when one reached for me and tried to back up, but not fast enough. It grabbed my arm and dragged me upright and I kicked its shin reflexively. I saw it fist come toward me feeling pain erupt as my nose broke and I fell into darkness.

-Chloe-

For the record, separating has always been the scourge of victims in horror movies and books. No matter how sensible it sounds and no matter what the plan is, it never works. I stopped sprinting when we separated. Just taking a fast, but even pace so I don't have to stop often. My heart is still racing and not just from the running. Leila is probably making her mutiple track mind focused on running, but I can't help but think of that shadow fire monster. I don't think he was holding many whips, just one with many pieces. It wasn't a reassuring realization. I never thought I'd wish to run into Tar-Mairon, but at least, even if he hurt me badly, I'd still be alive. I don't trust anyone else. I don't trust him either, but a known danger is better than an unknown one.

I feel like I'm making zero progress. Everything looks the same. I mean I did hear noises once down a turn and I sprinted back until I could turn a different direction. I wonder if I could actually make it out of this place? I could do that and figure out things and then return for Leila. The hope bloomed in my chest and I ran on reinvigorated. Airawende. I jerked to halt hearing my name echo around and when I didn't see anyone or anything I kept running. Something felt really wrong. I mean everything feels kinda wrong here, but my danger sensor is off the rocket right now. Airawende. I let out a little yelp as my name echoed around again and took off sprinting.

The temperature started rising and with horror the glance I tossed behind me caught the same familiar glow approaching quickly. I've never run harder in my life. It wasn't enough. A snap sounded in the air and I screamed as something wrapped painfully around my ankle and dragged me down fast. My fingernails scraped the floors as I tried to grab anything to prevent myself from being dragged back there. The floor was too smooth and I was going so fast that I could feel my fingernails and tips scrape painfully. The heat was unbearable. My skin was surely reddening from the proximity. When I came to a stop I was looking up at the shadow fire being in front of me. It was changing though. Kind of looked the shadowed were folding in on themselves taking the fire in a shell. My eyes widened in horror when skin started appearing and in about 20 seconds Red eyes was standing in front of me.

I was perturbed at his lack of his expression plus whatever the hell had just happened and looked down fearfully. One of my hands slid down my leg to my ankle. Whatever had pulled me back had burned my skin pretty badly. I was actually starting to feel it. I wonder why I didn't before when I was being pulled. I bit my lip hard fear still being the dominant feeling and managing to suppress my reaction to pain a great deal. I peeked up quickly to find him still gazing at me. What should I do? What should I do?

"Please don't hurt me" I whispered shakily before mentally cursing myself for forgetting they couldn't understand English. Really cursing myself for such a stupid mistake and waiting for punishment for using English. He didn't do anything, but his stance shifted back a bit and gave me a nod. I tried to stifle the confusion at what his nod for and just looked back at him. He snapped his hand at gestured sharply saying something. Yet again, they think we know what they are saying. Okay, the gesture up made it easier to understand he was telling me to get up, but if he didn't gesture then I'd be lost.

Before I knew it he was in front of me with his hands around my neck. I started flapping my hands around smacking his arms panicking until I realized his hands weren't strangling me. They just moved around my neck and then when I realized he was trying something around my neck I started going wild again. I screamed and smacked his arms in horror. He was putting a chain on my neck. He was done in moments and then slapped me. The pain across my face shocked me into stillness. This was for hitting his arms I would imagine. One of my hands briefly went to my cheek. He didn't slap me nearly as hard Tar-Mairon had, but it seemed like nothing more than a second thought to him. It had zero power behind and that's what really scared me. I was pissed about the chain on my neck. However, fear of Red eyes and really everything in this place suppresses anger and defiance. I made no move and flinched back when he hooked a chain to the one around my neck. I feel the frown etched in my features, but I followed meekly getting tugged along.

I even moved closer to Red eyes as we passed some of the monsters a couple different times in the hallways. I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts. Red eye was shadow fire, but not the one from earlier. Where is Leila? I hope she made it out, but something tells me she didn't have any more luck then I did. We both probably ran in circles. We descended down a stair case and I nearly tripped at a particularly hard tug and yelped. He made no reaction, not even to silently slow down. I winced hearing some scary noises from behind doors though I don't know why mystery noises are scarier than the psycho in front of me.

We stopped in front of one the open doors and he pushed it wider tugging me in after them. The only thing that kept me from running was the chain around my neck he was holding. There was a table in the middle of the room with chains on it and instruments lining the wall. Things I didn't even know the name of. He grabbed my arm and dragged towards the table and I started sobbing uncontrollably. I tried pulling away and sitting, but it made no effect on him whatsoever. I had absolutely no control over myself fear filling up every coherent part of my brain. Pleading in English and crying so badly even though I know he can't understand it. I ended up face down on the table and he tied my arms and legs down. In my terror at being bound I accidentally banged my head into the table and then tried it again hoping I would pass out, but it didn't work. I felt such pain blaze in my head and he immobilized my head as well afterwards.

Panic increased and my heart fluttered wildly in suspense as I heard him move objects around the room. Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh. What will he do to me? I can't take it. I was still crying so hard I was practically choking and sucking in deep panicked breaths. I didn't hear him approach, but I froze as I felt cold leather move down my back. I whimpered bracing myself for it to hit my back. I let out an agonized wail as it hit my feet instead of my back. It hurt so bad. I screamed when he did it again and again. I screamed until my throat was raw and I couldn't anymore. The only thing I was really aware of was the horrendous agony in my feet. I could even hear the blood dripping onto the floor. I don't know how long it went on, but it felt like I'd been here my whole life by the end of it. I would never ever ever run away again if this was the risk. An anguished gasp ripped out of me at the finger that ran down my foot.

"Airawende" he almost sang running the same finger with blood on it over my back. He unbound me, but I was in too much pain to move. His hand gripped the back of my neck and pulled me up by it. I shook harder than a leaf in the wind at the pain in my feet. I hated this grip. I'm in so much pain and he's holding me like a kitten. I felt horribly dominated by our positions, but didn't move so much as an inch. Then, for the first time, he smiled.


	11. Leila Suffers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: TORTURE.

I stumbled from a shove crying out as I fell to the floor again. They were just playing with me and have been for what feels like forever. Ever since I had woken up with my arms tied behind my back they had forcefully lifted me up and more of them came. Now they were just taking turns hitting and shoving me. Honestly most of my focus is on the pain radiating from my nose and trying not to fall down. One of them kicked me in the stomach and I yelped as another one leaned down and aggressively pulled me up.

I tried hard in the beginning not to give them the satisfaction of my pain, but it only lasted through one shove. I squealed at a particularly painful pinch on my arm and tried to kick out making them howl in what I guess is laughter. I swore loudly and the howls increased in pitch. One kicked the back of my leg and I fell down painfully. It already hurt there from falling earlier. A loud command instantly had the howling ceased, but I was acutely aware of how loud they breathed as I shakily looked over to where the stern voice emanated from. It was another monster and I felt despair crash over me. He was much bigger than the other monsters so maybe he is in charge of them.

He swaggered over to me and leaned down poking my nose in curiosity. I screamed as fresh blood out caking my lower face and neck in even more blood. It was broken badly. He made growling sounds to the others in that hideous language they use. Then he pinched some of the fabric of my outfit in his fingers appearing to study it. If I had to have accurately guessed his eyes expression it was widening in what seemed to be surprise and fear. He stood up suddenly and, while he was loudly going on in his language, pulled out a knife and took a swipe at the nearest other monster. It went into his shoulder and the other monster yowled and scuttled back. All of them moved back several paces in fear as he pointed at me and then up.

He grabbed my elbow and yanked me up. It actually hurt quite a bit since my hands were stilled tied behind my back. Liberation? Please take me back to Tar-Mairon and Chloe! I begged mentally. Oh no. I hope she's okay. What if she's dead? He started yanking me by elbow and as I stumbled barked out another stern order and another monster came and took the other elbow. We made fast progress, or so it seemed with how quick we came to turns, and they kept basically dragging me whenever I stumbled or slowed.

Oh the pretty language again! I can hear it close by. We stopped in front an intimidating doorway and the monster knocked loudly. The door open and they pulled me in and I felt relief when I saw Tar-Mairon sitting behind a desk. There were two more monsters in here, but they were even bigger than the ones holding me and another beautiful person with black hair. I had to admit despite the exhaustion and pain pulling at me I was still startled by him having no pupils or all pupils? Not sure which actually, but his eyes were solidly black. How did he see? Not important. Not important. I felt a trickle of fear shiver through me at Tar-Mairon's narrowed eyes on my face. He said something to the monsters holding me and they moved us over to him. The beautiful one with the freaky eyes ran his hand down my hair in curiosity as we passed and I flinched back.

"Langon" Sauron pulled me to him when we were close enough to him and the monsters let go of me instantly. What's a langon? He pulled me into him tightly on one side with one arm giving the pretty one a stare down and with the other hand took my face. He then looked at me closely and tilted my head back and forth. He gave the two monsters that brought me in a torrent of words and they both disappeared back out the door afterwards. The pretty one started talking as soon as they left and he and Tar-Mairon went back and forth several times before I felt dizziness rush through and wobbled slightly in his grip. My hand shot out and grabbed the fabric on his arm to steady myself. I was only semi-aware of him lowering me down to sit on the floor and when he let go I just rested my head on his chair.

I don't know how long it was before I realized there was someone new leaning over me. I sat up quickly with a yelp as I banged my head slightly on the chair. When the hell did they get in here? I didn't hear any knocking. He set something down and began inspecting my face and ran a finger lightly over my nose. I screamed when he pulled it with two fingers and then I felt heat begin to tug at my skin. I went-cross eyed trying to see what the hell was glowing on my face in a panicked state. It only lasted for a few moments before he let go. My nose somehow felt a lot better already. I realized it must have been a medicine box he was at when he picked it up again and rifled through pulling out some salve or topical medicine and a bandage. He applied it brusquely to my face and I sighed in relief as I felt the cooling take effect. With brisk efficiency he wrapped a bandage around my face. I bet I looked ridiculous.

The sound of sniffling had me trying to peer over the desk. I couldn't see so I pulled myself up shakily my body protesting the movement. It was Chloe! Oh my gosh she's alright! Is that blood on her legs?! Red-eyes is carrying her over his shoulder. That is blood! What happened to her feet? Red- eyes and Tar-Mairon began conversing loudly and the others bowed and left the room. Sounds like they are disagreeing. He pointed at me and my heart skipped a beat. He set Chloe down on a chair pushed against the wall and she slumped down. She didn't even notice me. Oh Chloe, what's happened to you? The one who had fixed up my nose approached Chloe and pulled up one of her feet to inspect.

I choked feeling nauseous when I saw the damage on her foot. I couldn't look away from the torn skin and then I leaned over and threw up. I put a hand on my forehead trying to reign in the sick feeling in my stomach.

"Leila?" Chloe sounded dazed and confused when she caught my hunched over form. She must have heard me throw up. Tar-Mairon and Red-eyes were both staring at me.

"Haldamire" Tar-Mairon corrected Chloe still looking at me. She yelped and whimpered when medicine was being applied to her feet and I watched my heart still thudding loudly in my ears as each one was wrapped up. When he finished with Chloe he went to speak to Tar-Mairon and Red-eyes, but when he headed to the door Tar-Mairon stopped him with a few words and he turned. What was probably pity flashed in his eyes when he caught my gaze. Tar-Mairon stood up and came towards. Panic churned in my chest when I saw no way out.

"NO! STOP!" Chloe screamed banging her hands down on her chair. She seemed to be having an absolute fit and her panic increased my terror. With brusque competence Tar-Mairon took me and set me down in one of the other spare chairs near Chloe. I wiggled around, but he easily grabbed on of my leg and pulled it up. I was totally confused at this point until he squeezed my leg.

I screamed and tried to thrash out of his grip to no effect. I gasped and wailed as it got harder. It was really fast too. How can anyone be that strong? I know by now they obviously aren't human, but how can they be so strong? Chloe screamed and cried from nearby and with horror I hear my own bone break.

"STOP IT! STOP IT" Chloe wailed in English. I couldn't breathe, I was just choking on my own sobs. He didn't let go on the first break and after the second one I tried to hit him, but it was a weak effort. It was like I was just wind passing over him and the third time I heard a crack my bones seemingly melted and I flopped in the chair sinking down. It was such agony. And to hear the breaks as they happened. He let go and immediately the healer doctor person came over and made me sit up straightening my leg out. Darkness encroached on my vision and tears fell unceasingly as blinding pain emitted from where he had broken my leg. I could vaguely see the damage done and bruising appear in its early stages, but it seemed like he knew what he was doing because it didn't look horribly disfigured besides the swelling and three breaks of course. I could hear Chloe in the back of my mind still having a fit and yelling in English.

My hands were going to break if I gripped this chair any harder as he wrapped stiff bandages around my leg to keep it in place. I guess we won't be running away again any time soon. Not like I'm inclined to risking any more punishment anyways. I didn't realize they were so cruel. After the clothes and teaching I didn't think they would hurt us to such an extent, but I was wrong. My eyes were burning from the saltiness of my tears. I think I was close to being unconscious again. Everything feels so surreal except the pain. I saw Tar-Mairon leave and felt vaguely afraid as the room spun like a rollercoaster. Red-Eyes was still here and was back to watching us. I felt myself smile from far away when I felt Chloe's hand touch mine and reached for it. She was stretching really far so I leaned in her direction and we held each other tightly from far away. We stayed like that for a long time. Until Tar-Mairon came back.

He set something, two somethings maybe, down on the desk. Oh. Pretty and shiny things. I laughed strangely when he came to me with one of them. I was really out of things if I found this funny and started to laugh again and the absurdity in my own mind. Chloe squeezed my hand and when I looked at her she was shaking her head frantically at me. What's she doing that for? I giggled and then yelped when my shaking moved my leg. Oh, that's why Chloe is in such a tizzy. It's a collar I think. I tried to suck in the laughter and shake my head sternly, but Tar-Mairon's eyes burning into mine harshly had me cowing submissively and lowering my head. I let him put it around my neck without fighting. What if he broke my neck if I didn't? He was at Chloe with the other one a moment later and she let a furious screech, but settled down when Red-eyes moved closer. Why was she scared of him? Tar-Mairon is the one breaking bones. My head lulled sideways and I heard Chloe urgently calling "Haldamire", but just couldn't keep myself up. I tumbled off the chair and finally left this place for the bliss of unconsciousness.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a small chapter, but I just wanted everyone to kind of see how they are feeling internally.

At least they didn’t make us walk back to our room. Not that I liked being carried by them, I wanted to be as far away as possible, but that wasn’t happening anytime soon and I just can’t walk. It hurts too much. I think I’d still be crying from the residual pain if it wasn’t so constant. Leila can’t feel anything currently since she passed out. I thought she was going to die from shock, but she was still breathing after she fell out of her chair. 

I don’t know what to feel. I think my emotions used to be so comprehensive, but now it seems like I just feel pain and concentrate on not making them angry with us again. But was he even angry? I can’t tell from his expressions because they just aren’t expressive. I mean obviously I can understand that my feet were hurt and Leila’s leg broken from running away. I’m not sure why her nose was broken and the bruising over her in weird places, but maybe Tar-Mairon just hit her instead of whipping her feet like Red-eye. 

I let my fingers run over the blanket I was sitting on idly allowing my fingers to catch on loose string and pull. I wonder how long we are going to be stuck in our room. I mean, I’m not inclined to leave or even move around since it hurts, but I’ll be bored soon enough from doing nothing. Leila was kinda fortunate to pass out in my opinion. She can’t feel pain or boredom right now. I do have to admit that I occasionally watch her chest move up and down to reassure myself she is still breathing. 

I just want to be back home. I hate this place. I hate them. I don’t know why we ended up here. Is this place hell. Was that flash of light us dying? I don’t know what I did to deserve being trapped here with them. I want to know what happened to guy with red hair who saved me in the dungeon. Did he do something bad to be trapped here? Did I? Is he suffering right now? I wonder if I’ll see him again. This place is so huge and I think we have only been in a small part of it. Not so many monsters come by our door, but when were coming back we passed quite a few of them. We passed even more alarming things too! There were giant wolves and other kinds of monsters! I honestly can’t tell if I’m hallucinating or if Tar-Mairon spoke to a wolf. Probably in my mind. I’ve heard pain can make you insane. I laid back in the bed closing my eyes. Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up in a field of flowers with a different kind of life.


	13. What are they?

“Chloe” I nudged her form with my elbow. Fortunately she was close enough I didn’t have to move my leg to wake her up. Unfortunately Tar-Mairon’s presence is giving me the impression I’ll be getting up whether I want to or not. He brought in a monster and a beautiful one, but this one is wearing a collar like us. Lots of burns and scrapes seem faded permanently in his skin too, but he’s still beautiful. He was carrying stuff in with him, but I can’t see what exactly it is. I can see some bits of metal gleaming in the candlelight on the desk.

“Go away” Chloe murmured sleepily burrowing under the covers. Tar-Mairon beckoned to the beautiful and one approached me on my side of the bed. I jabbed Chloe super hard and felt a trickle of relief when she yelped.

“I’m up already. Ohmygosh and you are too Leila!” She shouted grabbing my arm. I winced at her painful grip and shrugged noncommittally at her surprised expression. 

“Unfortunately” I whimpered as Tar-Mairon ripped the blanket off the bed. Chloe looked up at him from where she was still laying and looked even more surprised. Her expression was almost comical in a sad way. Tar-Mairon ran his hand down my bandages and snapped something at the beautiful one. I jerked back when he pulled a knife out of his robes. He swiftly cut the bandages open and ran a single finger lightly over my leg. It’s only been like 8 hours since he broke it. I don’t know what he expects.

It looks even worse than it did when he broke it I think. I mean it’s all kind of hazy and blurred together in my mind, but I do remember being surprised at the precision and strength in his hand. Now you can see almost the entire calf is bruised and blue with the breaks looking hideous. You can see where the bones were broken. He was speaking to the beautiful one who was quickly writing down things on a paper. Is he documentation my broken leg? I screamed when he applied more pressure. I stared at him in terror when he rested his entire hand across my calf. He seemed to be studying it and I couldn’t help but start yanking at his hand and screaming when he started applying pressure. He stopped, grabbed the papers, and wrote something down himself before handing it back. 

Chloe’s hand covered mine shaking on the bed and I tried not to cry as Tar-Mairon went back to the table pulling out more bandages from whatever they brought. He wrapped it himself this time pulling it tighter then the healer did yesterday. I sniffled and looked at him with fright as he moved to Chloe’s side. She gave me a look full of wide-eyed terror when he grabbed her and pulled her over to the side. He unwrapped one of her bandages on the feet. Most of it was covered in blood. I winced and gagged slightly at the sight of the marks on the bottom of her feet. The beautiful one came over as well and started writing Tar-Mairon’s observations.. He had her feet rewrapped and she looked miserable in pain. 

He moved to the desk and picked up something rope like. The beautiful one rushed over to the desk at his words, but apparently not fast enough because the monster still standing over there gave a loud snarl and hit him. I gasped at the little cry that escaped him as he hurriedly grabbed a blank paper. Tar-Mairon gave a sideways glance at the door as Red-eye came in. I felt Chloe tremble in fear and tighten her grip on my hand. The monsters and Red-eye both approached me and I tried to move back, but only fell back as my leg jostled. The monster roughly pulled my hand out of Chloe’s and jerked me up on one side. Red-eye pulled me all the way off the bed like nothing and lowered me to the floor .I tried to take all of the weight on my non-broken leg and immediately lost my balance. I instinctively clutched at Red-Eye trying not to fall and he let me hang onto his arm. The monster took the rope thing from Tar-Mairon and I leaned in Red-eye cowering as he came close. He simply shook it out and stood it next to my head. Oh, they wanted my height. Red-eye made me straighten out, but let me hold into his arm as I swayed dangerously from lack of balance. He said something to Tar-Mairon who took the paper from the beautiful one. Red-eye then lifted and spun me around in the air faster then I could blink setting me back down on the bed again. He pulled on of my arms out and measured that too. Repeating the process with my non-broken leg. 

Chloe looked horrified when he came to stand in front of her. His walking speed is like my sprinting speed. Maybe even faster than that. She trembled uncontrollably and I again had to wonder how exactly had she gotten her feet inured and suspected Red-eye was responsible. He lifted her up and tried to set her down the same way, but she started thrashing the moment her feet touched the floor and pulled them up. Red-eye just dropped her and she screamed when her feet hit the floor. I winced in sympathy. It was likely harder than just standing would have been. She was already crying when Red-eye dragged her by her arm. Tar-Mairon wasn’t trying to stop Red-eye at all and I think he even wrote down her reaction. Or at least he was writing something. I could hear Chloe’s suppressed sobs when he made her straighten all the way out and take her height. When he set her back in the bed and off her feet she fell back against me breathing hard. 

I jerked in surprised as Tar-Mairon tipped my face up. When had he gotten here? He was over there writing stuff down. He gripped my jaw until I opened my mouth at how hard the grip was. I jerked back at the probing finger in my mouth and coughed, but his other hand was on the back of my head. He was poking at my teeth. He then tilted my face back and inspected my mouth. When he let go I gave Chloe a look of serious dissatisfaction and she just looked completely baffled. She let him do the same to her, but with much more ease since she had figured out from me what he wanted. 

Tar-Mairon stepped back and looked us over conversing with Red-eye quietly over the paper. Red-eye approached me and took some of my hair gently in his hand. He rubbed his thumb over it and held it up to glitter in the light. They were really fascinated by our ombre hair. He moved over to Chloe’s hair and did the same thing letting it fall gently piece by piece out his hand. He then looked into both of our eyes, but not with a gaze per say. Just one and he tilted my head back and around to see it in different light repeating with Chloe. He gently gripped my hand and slowly let his grip harden until I tried to pull away. He did it with Chloe as well while Tar-Mairon stood behind watching and taking notes. They did a few more exercised like that with us and finally went back to the desk and put the papers and instruments back. 

“Tar-Mairon” I turned to Chloe in shock at the sound of her voice. I couldn’t believe she was calling their attention back to us. Both looked at Chloe and Tar-Mairon just raised an eyebrow at her in his silent way of saying go ahead. I couldn’t help, but stare at Chloe in utter disbelief as she widened her eyes sadly in that puppy dog way before patting her stomach beseechingly. Of course she wanted food. She would risk her life for food. Actually now that she brought it up, I’m quite hungry too. We need to be given food more than once a day. Tar-Mairon and Red-eye looked at each other and then left with the monster following and the beautiful one grabbing everything and rushing to keep up.

“The hell” Chloe muttered “They better send food” I just rolled my eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

I want to go home. I will go home. I want to go home. I will go home! I kept chanting to myself under my breath as I lay staring up at the ceiling. If we were back home Leila would say something snarky about my under the breath muttering, but she seems too tired to comment on it.

"Why do you think we are here?" Leila said idly. I turned my head to look at her.

"You mean here as in this room or here as in this place?" I asked.

"You know exactly what I mean. Here in this place of course" Leila rolled her eyes. At least she still had some spark of snark left in her.

"Maybe we are just dreaming or hallucinating" I propped myself up on my elbows.

"You know that's no longer logically possible" Leila said mimicking me and sitting up on her elbow. She winced at the shift on her leg and gave me a sorrowful look.

"Yea well, logically they shouldn't exist either with the perfect features, the monsters, and lets not forgot shadow Red-eye" I returned.

"How did he do that? And with clothes too" Leila asked. I seriously hope she didn't expect me to know the answer to that.

"We should just assume for the time being, that they are capable of anything. Many things that we can't explain have happened here" I shivered frightfully. We both turned hearing the lock jingle and watched the prisoner lady from before enter in carrying food. The smell made my stomach rumble and tremble at the same time. It was so icky before, but I'm still so hungry. I don't even want to know what this food is made out of.

"Here we go" Leila snorted in irritation "More language lessons."

"OH no, not before the food" I swore dismayed. The prisoner lady looked at us in terror at our conversation and frantically shook her head with a finger over her lip after setting the tray down. We are not that terrifying she should react like that. I felt my stomach drop as Tar-Mairon entered again. Leila looked paler then ever and drew herself in.

"Airawende. Haldamire" Tar-Mairon pulled a spool of thread and needle out of his robe and set it down silently on the table. I cocked my head sideways in confusion and when I looked at Leila in bewilderment she had a similar expression of perplexity. The prisoner lady started speaking frantically and rapidly getting Tar-Mairon's attention. One word from him was enough to instantly silence her and she dropped to her knees doing that bow thingy from before. She gestured wildly at us when Tar-Mairon returned his gaze on us. I looked at Leila and she looked equally frightened of their confusing behaviors. When Leila started leaning over her broken leg in an awkward way, I carefully pulled my feet up until I could adequately make that position without feeling intense pain on my feet. He fortunately didn't try to correct us and I guess accepted it.

He said something in his language again that I couldn't understand except the word "no" from last time we had a lesson. I would guess that was yesterday, but I haven't seen the sun. He pointed at the teacher lady and then pinned us both with his stare. He seemed to somehow turn up the terror of it because I felt bad things were sworn into his eyes and it was almost as if the fire reflected in them danced. Or maybe his eyes had their own flames and not just reflected ones. I don't mean actual fire, but they seemed to move like how fire flickers in his eyes. It is really frightening to look in his eyes. Just making eye contact with him makes my want to lower my head and avoid his gaze while trying to be as small and unnoticeable as possible.

"Chloe. Leila" Tar-Mairon said much to my surprise and I stared at him quickly shifting to horror as he picked up the needle and thread. "Chloe. Leila" He said holding them up to the light making his point very clear when then said "Haldamire. Airawende" setting it down. I nodded vigorously feeling tears of terror start to well up in my eyes. Leila looked shaken and was trembling with her head down. The prisoner teacher started speaking frantically again from where she was.

"Airawende. Haldamire" I emphasized in a shaking voice. He looked at us and put a finger to his lips in warning putting the needle and thread back away. He turned without another word and left us with the teacher. When the door shut she looked up in relief at us and stood. She frowned at the bandages on us when she approached and patted each of shoulders consolingly. She began repeating what we had learned previously making us each recite it again and then the real language lesson began.


	15. Chapter 15

Tar-Mairon and Red-eye seemed to almost completely vanish for the next two years of our time here. Or as close as I can guess two years feels like. Leila and I lost track of the days here very quickly. They came occasionally in the beginning to monitor our healing and write down more notes of who knows what. They even once brought in one of the beautiful captured and mimicked our injuries on them and compared it. I remember the pain etched in his face when they hurt him and how the sadness never left his eyes in any of the times we saw him. We were able to converse just a little before he was completely healed from his injuries. We, however, were still recovering by the time he was healed and that seemed to fascinate Tar-Mairon and Red-eye. Our language has really picked up and we can converse quite well with each other. English still lingers in the back of my mind sometimes, but fear really helped to suppress my desire to use it.

The days really became repetitive. We woke, bathed three times a week, and then always had language lessons. Our teacher explained we were in some place called Angband and this is where the bad spirits, she said the were called "Maiar" lived with their master who is apparently one of their gods or Valas. I once asked what we were in their language and she said she did not know, but thought we might be similar to Edains. I told her in English we were human, but she panicked at my use of English and we moved on. She also told of us other races that existed. The monsters were orcs and some of them used to be like her, Eldar and Elves, but they were corrupted. She did not know if we could be corrupted when I asked.

Leila seemed even more dedicated to picking up the language than I was. I just wanted to talk to our teacher, but Leila told me this was the key to our escape. I don't think she understands there is no escape. Our teacher agreed with me. I remember a fight between Leila and our teacher when she told us she wasn't allowed to tell us her name. Tar-Mairon and Red-eye had ordered her to withhold it from us and she just told her to have us call her mol. It was the word for slave, but Leila and I both refuse to call her that. It was awkward at first to call someone without using a name, but now it's a habit and we just have to lean forward or look like we want to say something and she understands we wish to speak. We were all mildly fearful at that little rebellion of not calling her mol, but there was never any backlash or punishment. Perhaps they did not care.

I asked our teacher why we're here. She says we must have been captured. When I told her we fell into here somehow she just shook her head and said my vocabulary is not up to standard. I asked what why she was in chains and she said all of her people here were in chains. She said they were captured or lost some battle. I'm not sure I really understood what she was trying to tell me, but she made it seem like there were hundreds or even thousands of her people here in chains. She said we were lucky not to be in chains and that there must not be many of us. When I told her it was just Leila and I, she said that's why. Despite all the darkness and violence here, the Maiar here like to have beautiful things or unique things. She said something about a magic rock called a silmaril that their Vala has three of. She basically compared us to a magic set of rocks, but said the rocks were more valuable.

Sometimes she had us practice that bow Tar-Mairon had forced us into and said we would have to know it when they returned. I asked her when they were going to return and she said she did not know, but probably once we could speak. Then she warned us things might get very bad for us if we do not do what they say. She was mindful of our injuries when she first saw us, however, she then said it was nothing and greater suffering would be endured if we were stubborn. I am very apprehensive for that fateful day. I mean they do sometimes, very rarely, come visit, but mostly it is just to check our healing and we were finally almost completely healed the visits stopped. The everyday fear has receded into melancholy, but whenever I see an orc my panic flares up. Fortunately they do not seem to come around this area much except for the two who escort us around and the one who takes the teacher back and forth. I asked her where she stayed, but all she said was far below and refused another word on the topic. Some things are more clear with language and some things are more blurred and confusing than before. We still do not really know where we are.


	16. They can finally speak

"They will be here at the end of our lesson. It might be our last lesson" Our teacher said looking both panicked and resigned.

"They? As in Tar-Mairon and Red-Eye?" Chloe demanded looking shaken. The teacher nodded sadly eyes shining wetly. She paused for a moment and then began our day as if nothing had changed.

We were not even halfway through the typical lesson when the door opened and two of the orcs came and took our teacher away. She followed them without a word, but made eye contact with us as she was leaving and mouthed bow urgently several times before Chloe realized what she was saying and elbowed me as she got down. I followed her example with a shiver.

"what will you do with our teacher? Please don't hurt her!" I pleaded looking up at Tar-Mairon when I saw fabric out of the corner of my eye. Our teacher had said they would come, however, only Tar-Mairon was here.

"Do with her? I will do nothing with her, she is just a slave. You may rise little ones" He looked down at me and Chloe from where the teacher had urged us to quickly bow when he entered. I looked at Chloe awkwardly after a moment of silence. "You are indeed reasonably similar to the Edain. Always in a such hurry. Yes, you may ask Haldamire." I must have looked quite startled because he said I obviously had a question. I wonder if I'm easy to read. I hadn't really ever thought I was easy to.

"What are Edain exactly?" I questioned

"Edain are the second born and those that have the gift of death. Though we can forcefully give the gift of death to the first-born" He explained like things such as first and second born made sense.

"Gift of death?" I said bewildered.

"Edain get older every year until they die." He said emotionlessly

"We do that." Chloe interjected. He considered us in a thorough gaze looking from me to Chloe.

" A song not entirely like the Edain, but a song that is much more faint and curious. Stronger now than when you first appeared." He placed a hand on my cheek lightly "A puzzle to be worked out."

"A song?" I asked confused

"You could not understand" He said with a gentle pat and turned his gaze to Chloe "you are the same little one. A song too faint to be manipulated." Chloe paled at the word manipulate and asked what he meant. "You have gotten older and healed slowly like the Edain, but you are both singularly unique in Arda. I have you now and I will not allow you to be taken from me. There are other ways for me to change you without invoking the song"

"What song? What do you mean change us and without a song?" I asked again. I felt so frightened at his words.

"you could not comprehend it" He smiled at me and patted my cheek again before removing his hand.

"We can probably comprehend more than you think" Chloe said, quite bravely in my opinion. He didn't seem upset at her defiant outburst, but entirely amused.

"You should be more careful with your words little one. Your master is less willing to tolerate defiant words and actions" He reached out a hand running it down her hair, adding as almost an afterthought "You I will also take in the end".

"The one with Red-eyes?" Chloe asked in a small voice.

"Yes, He is called Gothmog. Something you should perhaps remember." He said laughing in a way that was way too bright for the darkness he held.

"I do tolerate less. I tolerate nothing. You will obey me in everything or I will break you until you will obey me without thought" Red- eyes, or Gothmog, said entering. Chloe's eyes widened and she shifted closer to me. Come to think of it, I do not think I have ever heard him speak before now. Maybe Chloe did that one day with her feet? Or maybe not? Sometimes I think my memory is terrible. This place is so similar to a nightmarish reality that I don't even think the same way I used to. These details escape me! Details that I need to remember if I want to escape with Chloe.

"What will you do with us?" I asked swallowing my fear and asking the question that had been nagging at me since I arrived.

"What we want" Tar-Mairon chuckled. DAMMIT that didn't answer anything! Well he mentioned a puzzle he wanted to solve. So we must confuse him? No, that's ridiculous. How would we even go about that and what is this song he mentioned? I must find out.

"You have stayed relatively secluded and safe from the other denizens and citizens of Angband, but that will change" Gothmog said interrupting the whirlwind of my thoughts.

"We desired you to be capable of speech, the elvish speech, before we allowed others to see our pets. You did manage to be seen by quite many maia and other creatures when you appeared Haldamire. However, they know better than to inquire after my affairs." Tar-Mairon expanded giving Gothmog what seemed like a disgruntled look.

"pets!" Chloe exclaimed looking so pissed she forgot to be afraid. Gothmog shifted forward almost imperceptibly, but Tar-Mairon held out his arm.

"How old are you little one?" Tar-Mairon asked.

"Um, maybe 21 or 22. I don't know how much time has passed here" Chloe said after a moment. He and Gothmog stood silently for several moments. Enough time had passed to increase my nerves by a great deal when Tar-Mairon spoke again.

"Allowances must be made for age and for" he paused running a nailed finger down Chloe's arm hard enough to draw blood making her wince and draw back "fragility". He called out something in the other language and two more orcs came in.

"They will return you to your room. I will come for you both tomorrow. Today was an unusual day for questions. I would further suggest you learn to control your mouth tonight Airawende" He turned and swept out of the room with Gothmog following.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Longest chapter yet! also very important: TORTURE WARNING

"Wake up. Quickly!" an urgent voice pulled me out of slumber and I blinked blearily at our teacher for a moment before it really sunk in she was here.

"You're back! I was so worried!" Leila slipped off her side of the bed and ran to the teacher.

"It may be just for today. I have been given a task concerning you two" She explained looking nervous. She hadn't ever actually been to our room before.

"what task?" I asked slipping out and shivering as my feet touched the cold floor.

"I am taking you two to the baths, but today will be a different day. A very dangerous day if you step out of line" She said looking at me. Why look at just me and Haldamire, I mean Leila? Goodness, her new name is starting to meld permanently in my mind. I didn't do anything.

"We won't step out of line" Leila reassured her looking frightened "I still remember very clearly having my leg broken and hearing it." The teacher nodded, but still looked nervous. Sometimes I wonder if she is ever not nervous.

"what going to happen today? I thought Tar- Mairon was coming to get us" I asked.

"He will take you from the Great Throne Room" She said wringing her hands together in agitation.

"Great Throne Room? Where and what is that?" Leila questioned.

"It's where the Lord Melkor rules from. He will not be there when you both are. I think that was arranged purposefully. There is going to be some sort of public ceremony. I will explain the rules you have to follow. I mean it very seriously, if you miss or forget anything, my life will be forfeit and yours filled with relentless torment for a long time. You must listen to me! Now come to the baths. I will explain it there because today your clothes are more formal and I will do your hair. They want the others to be jealous"

"jealous?" I muttered looking at Leila. She shrugged and the teacher just moved to leave the room causing us to run after her. She's in such a rush today. She was walking quicker then Leila and I could keep up making us have to jog after her. Damn these extremely tall people.

"Quickly. Quickly now" She urged leading us into the bathing room "The water should be cool enough by now that it won't burn you."

"Okay, we are going" I sighed poking a finger in the water to make sure it really was cool enough. The amount of times over the past few months or years here that we have accidently gotten ourselves burned with the bath water is uncountable.

"what is going to happen today?" Leila asked pulling her clothes over her head. Our teacher looked upset, but answered anyway after a momentary pause.

"They are going to show the maiar, orcs, and other abominations that you belong to them and no is allowed to touch you otherwise" She explained.

"Other abominations?" Leila asked at the same time I said "that doesn't sound so bad."

"No, you do not comprehend yet Airawende. What I mean is that it is going to be a very public showing or maybe ceremony is a better word" She fidgeted nervously and leaned over to help me with pouring water over my hair. I frowned and looked at Leila.

"What do we have to do" Leila inquired wringing her hair out.

"Go sit in that chair Airawende while I dry your hair and braid it." She said without answering. I looked up at her with my head tilted quizzically, but she stayed quiet.

"What do we have to do?" Leila asked louder as the teacher began to briskly wring out my hair with some kind of rough cloth. Usually we let it air dry, but apparently today I must suffer pain in my head. She pointed at another folded up cut of rough cloth and Leila picked it up using it to dry her hair.

"You simply must follow these very basic instructions and other commands they may give you while you are there. And well any commands they give you ever, but today especially I fear the retribution of disobedience is more than you can survive sanely" She tugged at my hair.

"I understand what you are saying. You need not fear anything, but complete good behavior from me. I don't want to be hit again nor do I wish to be responsible for anything happening to you" I exhaled as Leila nodded vigorously in agreement.

"when we go to the Great Throne room all you need to do is walk up and bow all the way, like you have been taught, to your masters, and then repeat the vow they give you. Afterwards, they will place a collar around your neck with their symbols. After that I do not know what they might ask you to do or if you will simply return." She pushed me up slightly and I moved from the chair allowing Leila to sit, but she seemed to be frozen in shock where she was.

"A..a.. collar" she choked out in disbelief. I remembered the time we had run away and Gothmog had wrapped one around my neck. It came off two days later when they checked on us and recorded our healing progress. I hadn't had once since and figured it was just because I ran away. I was in too much to be really drastically upset about it at the time, but now I just feel sort of empty with an undercurrent of dismay.

"Is it temporary?" I asked bitterly. She shook her looking at us pityingly and barely touched the steel one around her own neck. She had scars from it around her neck. I hope we didn't get scars from it.

"I don't want" Haldamire, I mean Leila, began haltingly as she sat numbly in the chair.

"You must or you will suffer. It will happen either way, but this is the most painless. Airawende your robes are over there. They are much finer today, so be careful. You do not want anything torn or out of place." Our teacher said beginning to deftly untangle and fix Leila's hair. I sulkily began to carefully put on each layer trying not to move around so my hair fell out or got undone. Though, it did seem really secure. I reached up a hand trying to feel what she done. It didn't take very long before Leila was over here helping me and putting on her own robes with Teacher's help.

"how do you know where everything is? Its like a maze" I asked curiously. She snorted softly.

"You have seen less than one tenth of this fortress Airawende. It is much bigger then you can imagine. I know where I need to go and nowhere else because if I do not know then I will suffer". She closed her eyes a moment as if lost and then opened them with seemingly renewed energy. "Let us go now. Lateness will not be well received anymore then disobedience". She pulled me behind her to the door and let go opening it hurrying out letting us follow her. Fortunately, she was walking slower than on the way here so we did not need to run. She took a took a different path then the way back to our rooms and we followed behind taking each other's hand securely.

"How far away is it exactly?" I groaned feeling my calves burn as took yet another flight of stairs. Leila elbowed me pointedly, but she can't hide that she is also exhausted from walking. I can hear her wheezing.

"It is not so far now. Luckily for all of us most of the creatures that roam these halls are already there so we need not fear running into trouble ahead as much" she turned and looked at us struggling up the stairs and shook her head.

"As much" Leila repeated looking at me. I nodded back to her "as much." And let out a little giggle causing her to choke back a laugh.

"This is no time for games children!" our teacher exclaimed looking from me to Leila with wide eyes. We went silent, but I couldn't help the small smile tugging at the corner of my mouth when she turned and began walking up again. A loud snorting noise from up near the top of the stairs had me freezing in terror and I felt Leila completely stiffen beside me. Our teacher looked up and back towards us. Her expression was haunted and pale and she shook her head back and forth several times. She fumbled slightly trying to pull something out of her tattered clothes.

"It won't dare stop us. It won't dare bother us" She tried to give us a reassuring gaze, but I'm pretty sure she was just trying to reassure herself.

"what is it?" I whimpered clutching Leila's hand tightly. She shook her head mutely and grabbed my hand pulling me behind her up the stairs. I resisted for a moment before remember it was her life at stake if we messed up. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not going to cause her to die or to suffer or anything. Leila won't either. I felt my heart falter and fell back half a step when we finally reached the top and Leila let out a little yip of terror. What was that thing?! It looked brown and black with uneven patches of fur and skin around its body. It had ugly black horns curling into the air and red eyes dripping something. Water? Snot? I bit my lip hard enough to cause a drop of blood to well up and drew in a breath of horror when it appeared to sniff the air. Our teacher ran one hand down her other arm and back up very quickly shaking and when the monster/thing/it moved half a step closer and she let out a jumble of halting terrified words holding up some kind of paper. It barely glanced at the paper, but shifted back a little allowing us room to pass. She barely even had to look at us before Leila and bolted past it as fast we could while trying not to run.

"Almost there, just up ahead the massive doors" she looked back at the thing absolutely terrified and my heart jumped again noticing that it was following us a few steps behind. I looked forward in heart stopping when it sniffed the air again. The doors really were massive. I know that I ever never seen doors this huge in life or in movies. They were so tall it almost seemed as if you could really see the ceiling. Actually come to think of it, I did not notice when the ceiling suddenly got taller than it had been. I was tempted to look back at the ceiling where the stairs were and see if was shorter, but I couldn't bear to see that thing again. The corridor in either side was huge in diameter as well. You could probably fit a mountain in this corridor or something. Our teacher stopped in front of the door and released a breath.

"Are you both ready? You remember what to do?" she asked urgently. We both glanced at each other and nodded resolutely. "Good, good. Please do not look at the monsters on either side. I fear it will cause you to freeze in fear. Please. Please, you must not look to the side. Only to your masters or the floor and do what they tell you." Her eyes bored fearfully and urgently into mine and then Leila's. She was shaking enough it made me realize that I was shaking. And so was Leila! She rubbed a hand across her cheek and knocked on the doors twice. My heart was pounding so loudly in my chest it was a wonder I could think at all. Don't look Airawende. No, my name is CHLOE! I felt tears prick my eyes slightly. I can't look. I won't look. Curiosity is not stronger then my fear. It's not. It's not. I thought back to when Gothmog and ripped open my feet with a whip and my panic increased. Leila squeezed my hand and I squeezed back. I swallowed giving Leila a look of terror and taking in her own look of horror as all sorts of strange animalistic and indescribable noises became audible as the doors swung inwards.

"Don't hold each other!" our teacher hissed quietly.

Fortunately I could see Tar-Mairon glowing brightly and golden red all the way down the hall. I let go of Leila's hand and kept my eyes trained to the floor and walking slowly feeling her mimic my pace. We kept stride with each other and I occasionally glanced up to make sure I was straight. I shivered feeling what felt like thousands of eyes and evil intentions boring into me from all sides. I'm not looking. I'm not. It felt like time was moving slower than it ever had before each second slowly dripping down into an eternal abyss. Time continued to move slowly and I was almost surprised with I nearly tripped over the stairs. I looked up blinking at Tar- Mairon's brightness and looking over at Gothmog beside him. They seemed as tall as mountains standing on the stairs like this. There was huge throne, it looked like it could fit 5 Tar-Mairon's in it, behind them. I felt Leila poke me and suddenly remember we needed to bow. I tried to, as gracefully as possible, to sink into it. I felt a burning shame at all the eyes on me and what I was doing so publicly. Am I so weak. It was a hollowing feeling to realize both Leila and I were.

Usually he let us up fairly quickly, but it didn't seem so today. My arms started burning and shaking after what felt like forever. I could hear Leila's struggling breaths and realized this pose must killing her for such a long hold as well. I tried to shake off the humiliation suffusing me.

"You may rise Haldamire" He said after what felt like, seriously it felt like this, a century. I couldn't decide if she was fortunate or cursed considering I was still stuck here with my arms shaking uncontrollably from holding this position. I tried to glance up with my eyes without moving my head at all, but it was impossible. I finally managed to tilt my head slightly to the right allowing myself to see what was happening. Another tall beautiful one with dark black hair and dark eyes was holding what the orc had earlier. He proffered it up to Tar-Mairon slowly. Leila looked like she was about to combust with being upset and shamed. her face was red in embarrassment and a tear rolled down her cheek when he closed the necklace collar thingy around her neck. He said something in another language I didn't know. For heaven's sake why is there another language? Leila repeated it back to him in a trembling voice. An impending sense of doom seemed to fill me when she finished. Something about this seemed so final. So permanent. It was just words.

"Airawende" Gothmog said making a motion as I looked up awkwardly craning my neck back to see. I stood shakily trying not to fall over as blood rushed back into my feet. I approached a couple steps closer with my eyes on the floor. I didn't want to see his emotionless face. Something about this whole thing just feels perversely wrong, but I can't wrap my finger around why. I mean I know why it is wrong, but I do not know why its wrong. I swallowed nervously feeling the metal close around my neck loosely and heard it snap together. He said something in that other language and following Leila's example I tried to repeat as best I could. I stumbled awkwardly over a few of the syllables, but I think it was managed pretty well. I was beginning to feel burning awkwardness from what was happening and couldn't help the self-loathing intertwined with rage at Tar-Mairon and Gothmog.

I blinked all the moisture out of my eyes. It wasn't hard considering how much hotter and drier the air was being around them. "Kneel next to me, but don't bow your head" He ordered to both me and Leila. I slipped down hard enough to wince as my knees hit the floor. Tar-Mairon was looking forward across the hall and I realized the doors were opening again. Some orcs in chains were being dragged in by other orcs. I was completely baffled, but tried to just look ahead without showing my confusion. I saw Leila looked absolutely horror struck at their appearance, but hold up her position kneeling next to Tar-Mairon without shifting.

Tar-Mairon began speaking loudly in that language we hadn't been taught and loud noises, growls, and laughter sounded in a raucous chorus. I winced wishing I could put hands over my ears it was so loud. They were forcefully pushed to the ground in front of the dais. One of them tried to say something, but one of the ones who brought them hit him over the head hard enough even I could hear a crack. Tar-Mairon pulled out small wickedly curved blade and descended from the dais.

I couldn't help the loud rush of breath that escaped me, but forcefully swallowed a scream as black blood spattered over my face and arms. I could hear Leila moan in horror, but refused to look at her lest I lose my control to fear. More blood spattered over us and Gothmog as Tar-Mairon used his knife on of the orcs kneeling. Neither of them seemed bothered by the blood. Fear descended over my entire body as I finally looked at the crowd below. Indescribable horror is what met my gaze. Things put together and twisted that shouldn't exist seemed to be standing or crawling. Plenty of orcs and other beautiful ones seemed intermingled in the mix, but I couldn't make myself look more than a second. What I had seen was burned into my mind, I think it will be impossible to forget. Where are we really? This can't be anyplace but hell. This is hell. Nothing like that could possibly exist otherwise. Not even more blood spilling onto the floor and spraying us could take my mind away from what I'd seen in a second. It's not real. It's not real. No, it's real. It is real. I sucked in a breath and shook my head mumbling something before looking up and catching Gothmog staring at me. I froze instantly terror clouding my senses. What was he really? I don't want to be hurt anymore. I don't want him to punish me. Tar-Mairon was already on the third orc and it seemed blood and flesh was strewn about them on the floor. Time seemed to tick on in a haze of endless confusion and when he got to the last one he returned to the dais and offered the blade to Leila.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: TORTURE

I took the knife with trembling fingers and rose gently unbending my knees slowly. I swallowed and glanced at Chloe, who was resolutely staring straight ahead and not making eye contact with me, and took a step down. I hesitated a moment before taking the rest of the stairs at a faster pace. At the bottom I turned and looked up at Tar-Mairon.

“You may kill him as slowly as you wish” He smiled at my jolt of shock. I swallowed turning away from him thinking about the teacher. If I didn’t do this then she would die. The orcs are monsters. One for one. And deep down in me, there’s a part of me, taking in satisfaction at this unexpected turn of events. I could still remember with perfectly clarity how these orcs had been pushing me around and laughing. 

My hand tightened around the knife. I exhaled loudly and tried to stop my free hand from running the other nails across the pad of my thumb in anxiety. Hate assailed from dark eyes and my hand raised the knife. I can do this. I have to do this. To save the teacher. Just do it fast I told myself several times. He wouldn’t hesitate positions reversed. I shut my eyes tightly and stabbed him. I let go feeling the knife sink in and skittered back at the loud squeal. I tripped trying to scramble back farther seeing him thrash around still very alive in the orc guard’s grasp. I didn’t hit the ground and ceased my movement hearing Tar-Mairon’s voice in my ear.

“That is not how to use a knife correctly Haldamire. Allow me to guide you” He steadied me and with one hand still on my shoulder pulled the knife out of the orc. My fingers closed around it again in terror and I felt my trembling stopped by his hand covering mine over the knife. It was too hot. I felt my breathing start to quicken in apprehension. What was happening? Tar-Mairon was speaking to me about where to cut, but it was if through water. Everything after the first few words were lost in a dizzy haze. I wanted to be back in my room. I wanted Chloe. I tried to release the knife, but his grip kept my hand over the knife. I didn’t even realize we had plunged the knife back until I felt blood dripping off my hand and when I looked nausea took me. I couldn’t throw up. I couldn’t. What if it counted as not obeying. He let go and so did I a second later and the orc fell back on the floor. Oh no, he couldn’t possibly be.

“Finish him” Tar-Mairon ordered taking out a handkerchief or some other piece of fabric and wiping his hand clean. Fastidiously clean somehow. Despite him managing to spray blood up all the way up to the dais and onto me and Chloe. Not even for the teacher now, or my petty cruel vengeance, he didn’t deserve to live in such agony. Or even if he did, I couldn’t allow it. The thought of ending its suffering urged me into pulling out the knife faster, but at the horrific spray of blood across me as the knife slipped, my courage faltered. My heartbeat filled my hearing with a rushing sound and I stood frozen in time for a moment blood pounding through my body. I couldn’t let my eyes close this time. He might already have died if I wasn’t such a coward. I hated myself in that moment and used the resulting anger to stab as hard as I could right where his heart was. The hall was utterly silent and I let go of the knife with a scream of fury. That scream seemed contain everything. Fury at the situation, fury at Tar-Mairon, fury at being here, and fury at myself. He breathed no more and I couldn’t help the relieved sigh that escaped. Anger swelled up in me, but the fear was a stronger force.

I turned back to Tar-Mairon, my back to the rest of the hall, and sank to my knees and bowed formally again forehead barely touching my hands in front flat on the floor. 

“You may rise now. Follow with Airawende” I looked up from the floor in surprise at Gothmog’s voice instead of Tar-Mairon. I swiveled my head around catching him exiting the hall. Loud screeches and laughter had once again filled the hall. I can’t even say when it started up again. I refused to look back at the creatures in the hall. I had enough terror to stalk my dreams forever without adding more. Gothmog was halfway down the steps with Chloe trailing a step behind him. I stood up and shifted from foot to foot testing to make sure they could carry me. The teacher could afford us to make no mistakes like collapsing on the way out. Chloe intertwined her fingers with mine and I fell into step beside her. Why had Tar-Mairon left? I thought he was going to take me with him. I felt Chloe occasionally tighten her fingers, but I was too distracted to guess if it was fear or comfort as the cause. My mind was on the orc. What had I done? I’m a murderer. There was blood on my hands literally and figuratively. I was a killer. Tears dripped down my cheeks. I blinked trying desperately to get rid of the moisture. 

“Go in. I will return for you later Airawende” He said motioning us into some room. I felt Chloe dither a moment in uncertainty, but I plowed on dragging her with me. Who cares what they do to us now. I’m a murderer. 

“Come and lay down here Haldamire. Here Airawende.” Tar-Mairon was holding two shots in his hand. It distracted me from my ruminating as momentary terror took hold. Airawende released my hand and gave me a fright filled look as she sat down. What was in those? I peered at it, but it was hard to make out the color from this distance. Whatever it was the color was very dark. He went to Airawende first and pushed her back gently until she was laying down. She tried to jerk her arm away, but stilled after a he spoke a few words to her. I saw her close her eyes and wince as the needle pushed into her arm.

“It’s burning me!” she screamed startling me into action. I bolted over to her and grabbed her arm trying to find where the needle entered.

“Go lay down Haldamire. Now. This is your final warning” Tar-Mairon said. Fear won out and I loathed my cowardice as I slunk back to my spot and laid down. I still looked over at her in trepidation and fear. She was sobbing, waling, and making jerky movements. Dread filled me as Tar-Mairon moved towards me with the other shot. I would hurt twice over if I fought and he would still inject me. Is he poisoning us? What is it? My hands clenched involuntarily into tight fists. 

“Haldamire, this should be a temporary discomfort.” He smiled reassuring at me, but it seemed even less assuring. 

“Please, please don’t” I begged terrified.

“Hush now little one. This is for your benefit.” 

“Please. Please. Please no” I choked out as he ran a finger down my arm looking for a good vein. He didn’t bother replying and just readied the needle, content with a spot on the inside of my elbow. I bit my lip so hard could feel blood well up as my teeth pierced it, but it was nothing compared to the agony of the next moment. Fire raced down my arm and into my body in seconds. I screamed and my head hit the stone where I was laying hard enough to stun me. I laid in intense agony unable to form words. Tar-Mairon patted my head gently and moved away. What was happening? It was so hot, it was burning, MY BODY WAS BURNING. I’m going to die. I tried to look for Chloe, but couldn’t see anything and panic asserted itself in the fire. When would this fire burn out? Does it ever end? My mind was losing itself to a haze of fiery pain and disoriented I fell back into a state of a half awareness.


	19. Chapter 19

I could feel awareness slowly seeping back into my mind. I wasn't really sure when I had lost awareness because after a while the pain seemed expected and I just floated away on agony. Drifting in a sea of fire trying to keep still and I simply faded away deep into my mind. It's mostly gone now and perhaps that why my thoughts are returning. You can only remain numb for so long. I twitched my fingers and groaned at the unexpected pained tingle still lingering. I blinked several times before opening my eyes and jerked backward in surprise. Red-eye, I mean Gothmog, was sitting next to me carding my hair gently. He looked down at me and I was displeased to realize that even with us sitting he was still much taller than me.

"Airawende, you have such beautiful hair." He said without stopping. I tried to shy away and he reached out to my cheek. "You would dare to reject my actions?" I swallowed fearfully without responding and he ran his thumb in a circle over my cheek. I noticed Leila was lying motionless far behind him and tried to glance around the room to see if Tar-Mairon was present as well, but I saw no one else. "Speak, Airawende, lest I lose what little patience I have" He said applying slightly more pressure with his thumb.

"You're scaring me" I whispered fearfully not daring to move.

"You should be scared" He said patting my cheek. I winced, but I don't think he realized how hard that pat was for me. My hands tightened on the fabric of my clothes and I realized I was still wearing the ceremonial clothes. I swallowed trying to give myself a boost of courage. What if this was the only time I could ask questions. Leila was so fortunate that Tar-Mairon seemed so much more willing to give information.

"What was that injection?" the question spilled out in a rush and I closed my eyes horrified at how bold I sounded.

"It is something Mairon manipulated from Maiar blood to cease you and Haldamire's fragile mortality" He ran his hand down my arm and pressed into the mark from where the needle went in causing me to yelp.

"Maiar blood? Cease our mortality? Is it you and Tar-Mairon's blood?" I asked in horror looking at down at my arm. He scoffed.

"Do you imagine my blood and Mairon's is something you can have? Another weaker. Mortality is called Eru's gift to man, but it is not for you and Haldamire to be given anymore. one injection will not be enough and Mairon will have to change your fea himself at some point" I was almost offended at his answer, but I didn't want their blood in me much less anyone else's.

"Fea?" I asked instead trying very hard not to think about the fact I was injected with monster blood. Even it was beautiful monster blood or maybe it was those horrible shadow fire things blood. Do they even have blood?

"The spirit" he grabbed my chin lifting my face more into the light and turned it to the right and left. "You are not broken enough… yet." I stiffened at his consideration and he added almost as afterthought "I can change that easily".

"Why do you want to hurt us?" I whimpered tightening my hand on the fabric enough to make it go numb

"Why, why, why. Something Haldamire asked as well. You will learn it soon enough and if you do not understand, it is not in my concern to fix. You were given to me and I may do what I want with you." He said stroking my hair again. I jerked backwards away from his hand.

"Don't" I pleaded terrified by his answers.

"You do not have the authority to stop me and you are not under your control anymore. I will tame this rebellious streak completely before the day ends" He pulled on my hair harder and leaned in closer until we were nearly nose to nose "I own you"


	20. Chapter 20

I sighed deeply pausing in my pacing to peak out the door again before resuming agitatedly. Airawende was gone when I woke up and there was no trace of anyone or anything. I know I should call her Chloe and refuse them the pleasure of erasing our names, but I think it is simply too dangerous to keep doing. One slip up could cause irreparable damage. I kicked the wall cursing at the pain in my toe. What flimsy shoes. The way the teacher did our hair is not flimsy like these shoes at all. It still feels pretty well maintained except for escaping strands. I paused in my pacing again hearing an odd walk come down the hall. No way its Tar-Mairon. He walks so you cannot even hear him. I bolted to where I had woken up laying and crouched down trying to hide. What if it was another of those horror creatures from in front the big room? I closed my eyes trembling. What if it was orcs wanting revenge?

A bizarre sort of sniffing and panting noise approached closer and I forced my eyes open trying to peer over without being seen. I slapped a hand over my mouth and the horrified choking noise I let out caused it to instantly turn its amber gaze toward me. It was a huge black furred wolf with a white sock on the back left leg. As big as a pony or even a small horse. Oh lord help me it’s coming nearer! I inched slowly back towards the wall as it prowled closer to me. I closed my eyes waiting to be ripped apart as my back hit the wall. I felt its nose touch my ankle and start sniffing me. I couldn’t stop the tears from pouring out. I let out a terrified sob and squealed as its tongue darted out across my face. 

“Master Mairon sent me to fetch you” it said with its tongue lolling out. I tried not to gape at the wolf as the words issued forth. I shook my head closing my eyes. 

“Wolves don’t speak” I muttered to myself rocking back and forth into the wall and off the wall. Whatever he did to me made me insane! This is an illusion of confusion.

“I can speak quite well. Now come. He does not like waiting overly much” he said nudging my shoulder gently with his nose. I felt a shiver go through my body and reached out a trembling hand. With wide eyes I very gently poked one finger into the fur. I bit my lip nervously. He wasn’t my imagination. His head cocked sideways in a very funny manner and if I wasn’t so distressed by his presence and speaking ability I might have laughed. 

“Such a strange little girl. You know, I was sent because I am the least violent” He said almost conversationally with pride like we were peers. 

“The least violent?” I asked standing up slowly. He turned towards the entry way and I followed him out. 

“Well, I do enjoy killing and the hunt, but I have much more control over my instincts then some of my brethren” he seemed quite pleased by this fact. 

“Are there many of you?” I asked beginning to lose some of my initial horror and wiping away the wet remnants of tears off my cheeks and eyes. 

“Oh yes, many of us. Master Mairon gave us intelligence and many other gifts. He is our lord.” He turned to look at me still trotting forward.

“Could you slow down a bit? How did he give you intelligence?” I asked nearly running to keep up with his lengthened bounds. 

“Such a slow creature. I do not know exactly, but Master Mairon is very powerful” He explained slowing down. This wolf is the nicest creature I have met since coming here and he admitted he likes to kill. What a place for me and Airawende to be trapped in. I felt my chest tighten at the thought where she might be. Hopefully Tar-Mairon took her, but I am inclined to believe it is not so. 

“do you know if Airawende is with Tar-Mairon now?” I asked trying not to sniffle. 

“I would not have the authority to know if he had her. You’re a slave and he lets you call him Tar-Mairon instead of Master?” His ears pricked up and I guess that’s a wolf sign of curiosity.

“He just told us to call him Tar-Mairon. Are you a slave? Is that why you call him master?” I asked curiously, but instantly regretted it at the resulting snarl.

“I am not a slave. What an insolent question. As if a wolf would be enslaved here. We call him master because he made us and is our lord”. His pace increased.

“I’m sorry” I panted trying to keep up “I didn’t mean to offend you. I truly did not know. Please slow down” I finally halted leaning against the wall breathing hard. I am clearly out of shape. 

“Truly so weak. Come we will get there faster if I bear you” He said crouching down.

“Excuse me?” I asked horrified. Ride a giant wolf. I’m going to fall right off. 

“We have wasted much time with your slow pace and lingering in these halls is unwise even for someone favored. You are small and the weight shall be nothing for me even if it is undignified to carry a slave.” I bristled slightly at the word slave, but tried to keep a lid on my reaction. He didn’t seem to notice, but surely Tar-Mairon would have. I frowned thinking about him deeper. Nothing seemed to get past him at all. Even at times he wasn’t present. I reached out a grabbed a handful of fur. It was pretty slick. I really hope I don’t fall off. Even with the wolf crouching, I struggled to get my leg over him. 

I screamed as he rose and bolted forward before I had a chance to get balanced. I swayed dangerously over one side and with strength borne of terror managed to get a solid grip on the other side. I closed my eyes tightly and leaned in as close as I could to the fur when I heard loud shouts and screams in the distance get closer. I felt something brush past my arm and resolutely kept my eyes tightly shut not daring to peek. I took the teachers advice of not looking to heart. I know she just mentioned the throne room, but they obviously do not stay in the throne room all of the time. I don’t want to see anything in the halls. I will be too terrified to leave our room, even to bathe, if I see something scary. I know that I will. 

I had no idea how long he had run with me on him when he slowed down and finally stopped.

“You can get off now” He shook his fur like a dog and with a yelp I slipped over one side hitting the floor hard with my elbow. I struggled to push myself up without giving him an accusing glare. No need to make the only semi friendly creature in this place I know, besides Airawende and the teacher, more angry with me. Well, I guess, as a wolf, he probably would have eaten me if Tar-Mairon had not told him not to. Or maybe as a sentient wolf he doesn’t eat people and by kill he means just animals. Only animals I hope. 

“When you said you liked the hunt and killing, what is it you hunt and kill” I asked dusting off my ceremonial outfit which had wolf fur all over it. His tongue lolled out of his mouth for a moment as he turned his head sideways again. Is that a wolf quirk or a him quirk? I should ask his name next. 

“I hunt what I want to hunt and sometimes Master Mairon has us hunt rebellious slaves for sport and insubordinates.” He sniffed the air. “I wonder if I will hunt you in the future”. Okay, not friendly at all. Not friendly. Is there no one is this place with any kindness?

“You want to hunt me?” I asked quietly. He shook his fur and trotted off again.

“I am curious to take a bite of your flesh and taste it, but you make interesting speech. I wish not to permanently kill you” I found myself mouthing the word permanent several times in confused consideration and trying to willfully ignore the part about eating a piece of me for flavor testing. 

“What’s your name?” I asked trying to forget the hunting, killing and tasting Haldamire.

“Ungo in Quenya. We are almost there, I can hear Tar-Mairon speaking to an orcish captain.” I shivered when he said orcish captain, but tried just to think about Tar-Mairon. Maybe he could tell me about Airawende’s whereabouts. 

“Quenya?” I asked puzzled. Is that the language we know or does his name just happen to mean something in the language we are speaking, but it really means something else in another language? 

“You are a strange one to not know the name of the language you speak” I felt my face burn with a blush thinking that the teacher might have mentioned a Quenya early on in our lessons. I probably was not proficient to realize it was the name of our language.

“Do you speak other languages?” I asked feeling slightly embarrassed and irritated at the same time.

“Of course” He wagged his tail back and forth with energy. Why does he, and Tar-Mairon to an extent, never elaborate without another question? Do they think we know this stuff or something? He let out a bark or a wolf yip or something that was not quite a howl as we approached a large door. Not anywhere near a fraction of the size of the throne room door, but perhaps twice as large as Airawende’s and my room door. It opened and an orc walked through it. I lowered my gaze trying very hard not to make eye contact with it, but it strode past me like I wasn’t there. 

“Come in, little one” Tar-Mairon’s voice sounded from inside the room. I looked at Ungo, who had stopped a few paces back and was sitting on his haunches. I turned back forward and steeled myself entering. I do not know what I was expecting from Tar-Mairon’s room, but it wasn’t this. Books lined the wall and shelves with oddly shaped jars with contents that were who knows what. Four tables were set out symmetrically separated with enough space to walk between all of them with another person comfortably and various tools on top of them. I looked at Tar-Mairon standing by a desk seating in the back. I felt strangely reminded of a classroom parody by this setup despite knowing that Tar-Mairon was the one using all of the tables and not teaching. He beckoned me closer with his fingers and turned opening another door into an adjacent room. I hadn’t even noticed there was another door in here. 

This room was much nicer then the first room and so much more comfortable looking then Airawende’s and my room. Not that our bed and room is not comfortable, but it doesn’t look this comfortable. I tried not to stare at the naked luxury all around the room in the embroidered rich fabrics and solid wood furniture. Before stepping into this room I would have believed it not possible to exist here. Tar-Mairon laughed at my expression and I stared up at him. Even in laughter his eyes are so penetrating and very ominous to gaze into. Like eternal flames dancing in the background of them it somehow both terrifies and draws one in. 

“Come sit with me” He motioned towards a couch and a couple of chairs arranged around a small table in part of the room. I followed obediently and took a careful seat across from him on the couch. He stared at me for a long moment as if in contemplation. “Tell me Haldamire, do you feel any different?”

“Different? Different how?” I said desperately trying to figure out what he meant and terrified my confusion would anger him. 

“That is enough of an answer. Now tell me Haldamire, where did you come from?” He smiled at me and I felt my body releasing some of its tension. I shifted back into the couch more comfortably put slightly at east by his relaxed tone and smile. 

“It is kind of difficult to explain. I am not sure I have the correct words for….” I trailed off turning to look back into the office science room as a knock sounded. I glanced back at Tar-Mairon to see if I had permission to continue or if he was going to go answer the door. His frown had all of my previous tension returning as if a spell was suddenly broken. I swallowed this time leaning into the couch out of fear instead of comfort. He stood suddenly and I felt my terror increase at the sudden unpredictability of his motions.

“Haldamire. You are tired. Go through the second door and go to sleep. We will speak of your origins when you awaken again” I felt my head start spinning as he finished his sentence and I stumbled up in the direction in he pointed to. More doors. He has many rooms. I fell into the door slightly trying to blearily keep my eyes from closing. How odd to be this sleepy after waking up from the injection not even half a day ago. This is too much of a puzzle for to think about now. My eyes and mind just need some extra rest. I yawned finally managing to yank open the door and when I looked back before entering, Tar-Mairon was gone. 

I felt a brief flash of excitement penetrate the encroaching haze of darkness at the warm looking blankets and cushions. I flopped onto and let myself be once again swallowed away from here.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: EXTREME AWKWARDNESS AND TORTURE

I trailed behind Gothmog as we walked the halls occasionally having to pick up my pace when he tugged on the chain he attached to my necklace. I refuse to call it anything else. I hope Haldamire wakes up soon. I’m worried that she was affected much more then me. I have nothing, literally nothing, to base that off of other then she was still out when we left. 

“Can I ask a question?” the words tumbling out in panic. His words from in the room still haunted my mind like we were still in that conversation. He was utterly terrifying, but the unknown was terrifying as well. 

“You may ask Airawende” He stopped and turned towards me giving a sharp tug on the chain causing me to stumble to a stop in front of him “yet be warned that I have made many allowances for your behavior and this will be the last time you speak without leave to or you will find yourself in immeasurable agony”. I quailed at the flat tone in his voice and wished to understand how causing pain could be so easy for them. Like they enjoyed it. I was regretting having spoken at all.

“Where are you taking me?” I tried to move back, but couldn’t due to the pressure on my neck. 

“You don’t recognize these halls?” He asked causing me to narrow my eyes in confusion before realizing it was past Haldamire and I’s room on the way to the baths or lesson room. He turned and continued walking and I fell back into step behind him totally perplexed at why he would have taken me past the room without dropping me off. Surely I didn’t have lessons anymore? And without Haldamire? 

I stretched out my hand and ran it along the wall as we passed by. No wonder we hadn’t seen any orcs or other horrors. He led us down to the room where Haldamire and I bathed in. I paused in the doorway confused before he yanked me in with a sharp tug. He turned and unhooked the chain from my necklace and I rubbed my neck under it. 

“You have such unhappiness in your eyes when you look at me Airawende. I think Mairon gave you the wrong name. Nierima is much more suitable. A name only I will call you.” he commented stepping back away from me and leaning against the wall. I stared at him with wide eyes. He didn’t make a move or say anything else just leaned there. I tried to look around the room, but kept going back to look at him looking at me feeling freaked out at the situation. “The water will become cool Nierima” he said emotionlessly. 

I felt heat creeping up my neck into my face and looked in horror at the water. It was fresh hot water with steam rising. I hadn’t even realized, I just assumed it was the same as we left it earlier. I found myself backing around the water to the other side putting it between us. A shiver ran through me and I felt cold despite the overly warm air. More shivers ran through me as I tried to puzzle out his purpose in this. Was it a test of obedience? Was he curious? Was this the way he wanted to break me like he mentioned earlier? I trembled just looking at him over the water.

“Do you need help?” He asked mockingly straightening up off the wall.

“NO” I cried out putting my hands out and he leaned back on the wall. I wish he had easier to read expressions. I scratched up my arm with my nails feeling panic swell up in me. What could I do? I glanced sideways at the doorway, but the thought was gone before it fully formed. Impossible. I knew I was starting to panic on the outside as well. My breaths were becoming faster and sooner or later I would start crying. 

I raised shaking hands to my hair and began trying to unravel all of its intricate braids. It took a long time with how violently my body was shaking. 

“y..y..you don’t have to” I began to stutter out before being interrupted.

“Already you forget to hold your tongue until being given permission to speak. I have not even yet punished you for your lacking behavior and you add more” I felt tears drip down my cheeks and looked at the floor unable to move my shaking hands when he finished. I couldn’t even begin to think about being punished with this already hanging over me. I tugged nervously at the fabric making no real effort. I glanced up and caught him still in the same place with the same non expression. I quickly moved my hands back to hair and tried to make it more fluffy and concealing. 

I tried to get a hold of myself, but I couldn’t seem to calm down. I found myself biting down hard on my hand to keep myself from crying out in terror and anxiety. 

“You are not allowed to damage yourself Nierima. Only I may” He was in front of me before I even knew he moved and pulled my arm away staring down at me. 

“I..I ca..ca..can’t” I whimpered lowering my eyes from his and looking at the floor again. Using his free hand, he lifted my face up gently and rested his palm on my cheek tenderly.

“Of course you can Nierima and if you find yourself unwilling then something will have to be done about that” He said making me stiffen and pull my face away. He said it with no inflection, but I felt the threat in his words in my soul. He released my arm and moved back to where he had been observing me before I bit my hand. I glanced down quickly and saw the faint indents my teeth had left in my skin. I tried once again to steel myself into calm action. Not even telling myself the faster I started the faster this nightmare would end spurred me into realistic action. 

With shaking fingers I started trying to remove the ceremonial clothes. It did not take me as long as unraveling my hairstyle. I refused to look over at him as and instead looked over at the water trying to become numb to where I was before pushing all of the fabric off me. Haldamire and I did not usually get in as it was both of us sharing the water and washed instead by dipping in our hair first and afterwards taking scoops of water over our bodies. That would be too awkward here and with a deep breath I stilled my shivering body. It was actually very warm in here, but that didn’t change the coldness I felt inside. 

I plunged into the still warm water as fast as I could push myself over the side. I was still trying to studiously ignore his presence and reached for the soap determinedly only looking at it. I worked as fast as I could manage but my hair kept tangling in this horrid necklace making me have to pause to unknot hair caught several times. I sank all the way into the water when I finished with just my eyes and nose above it. I looked for the drying cloth and closed my eyes in frustration at how far it was. I frowned trying to figure out how best to get it and show the least. What If I just pulled it into here with me? I would rather it get wet then have to get out and grab it dry. My mind made up I slowly rose crouching down and reached up grabbing the cloth. I opened my eyes in relief after taking it without incident. I was scared he would object with me getting it wet. I stood wrapping it around my body as fast as humanely possible with the ends of it dragging in the water. I carefully navigated one foot out keeping the cloth still before pulling the other one out. I kept my eyes resolutely on the floor as I crept to the other drying cloth for my hair.

“Don’t Nierima. You look even more beautiful like this. Vulnerable. ” I started violently hearing him speak and dropped the cloth for my hair onto the floor. I looked up at him in terror shivering. This was the second time I’d seen him smile. Well smile sounds like a huge exaggeration. It was a barely noticeable change, but since he rarely made any change of expression it is easier to see. He moved off the wall and approached me at a slower pace than normal. The pressure in my chest continued to build and my sight clouded over with moisture. Why wouldn’t he just let me dry off and get dressed? 

“You have primal fear and sorrow in your eyes now. Crying for me again already?” He caught my face in both of his hands making me wince at the sudden in increase of heat on the wet skin and ran a thumb under my eye wiping away dripping tears. I was hyper aware of my hair dripping water onto the floor with a pit-pat sound and how the drying the fabric was slowly getting less concealing as it absorbed more water. 

“Please don’t” I pleaded and with a terribly quivering hand tugged at his sleeve. I was too afraid to pull away from him again. 

“don’t? my Nierima. my Airawende. Don’t what? Have you learned nothing from this?” His grip tightened slightly and at my cry of pain loosened again. 

“Don’t hurt me again” I sobbed thinking about the promised punishments and what he did to my feet so long ago. I could remember that day with perfectly clarity. He released me and I looked at the floor still weeping uncontrollably.

“Is this how you plead? Is this how you should beg for mercy?” his words delivered with typical emotionlessness. I stood shuffling my feet for a moment before my mind finally connected the meaning of his words. I clutched the top of the drying cloth tighter for a moment and then gracelessly plopped down to knees. I looked up at him tearfully and repeated my words. I couldn’t help but hate myself in this moment. The threat of torture was overpowering my pride. My tears increased at this mental revelation and I wondered if I was actually broken inside. He didn’t make any response or move and I felt my dread intensify. I let out a choked wail of fear and as if in synthesized memory my feet ached. I tried to breathe deeply and rested my forehead on his leg. 

“please don’t” I finally whispered softly continuing to lean against his leg.

“Then tell me, young one, how do you choose to be punished?” He asked pulling his leg away from me and crouching down to pet my hair. I trembled and looked at him silently not knowing how to answer the question “Perhaps I may be merciful one last time and not have you whipped for insubordination.” He said after a moment of us just looking at each other “but then again I did already say you reached last time earlier did I not?” He looked faintly amused at my horrified expression. How cruel to say it like that. I wrapped my arms around myself tightly trying to keep the drying cloth from slipping off due to my shaking. He pulled me up and I felt nausea and dizziness flash through me. I think I might have made myself sick crying so much. 

I was startled but too numb to move when I felt him wrap something heavier around me. It was another drying cloth and I let go of the first one, now completely useless, and tightening around myself. I looked up at Gothmog who inclined his head towards the back of the room and I saw dry clothes there. I moved towards the hair drying cloth, but left it after he told me to leave my hair how it was now. How unfortunate for me. My hair is long and tangles easily. I don’t have the inclination or the energy to wonder why he likes it messy like this right now. 

After I finished smoothing everything out properly I realized that I hadn’t even hesitated to change clothes with him watching. My face burned slightly in embarrassment, but I was more concerned about if he was going to hit my feet again and recoiled at the thought. He beckoned me over to him and I approached and leaned my head back allowing him easier access to my necklace as he reattached the chain. I hated that chain with a lot more passion then my eternal hate of mushrooms. I didn’t dare give it or him a resentful look though. 

“Hands, feet, or back?” He asked turning to leave. I let out a sniffle and tried to think about what would be the least painful or hampering. Definitely not my feet again. Couldn’t walk for months. If it was my back then I wouldn’t be able to sleep well. Not that I sleep well anyways, but I would suffer resting. 

“H..hands” I responded shaking my head back and forth in denial. We walked a long way and time felt endless. I was hoping we would never get to the end because of what would await me there, but we eventually did. It was the same room he had taken me to before. I cowered back when he turned towards me and he pulled me forward with a sharp jerk. I tried to ignore the other things in the room. They would only make me panic. 

“Sit” he ordered unhooking me and moving away to grab something. I did more than sit. I curled up in a fetal position and started to cry again. 

“Airawende, do not make this worse for yourself. Sit up and hold out your hands” his voice came from right above me and I curled in tighter. I was back to being Airawende again? 

“n..no.n…noo” I whimpered. 

“If you make me have to bind you, Airawende, you will suffer far more than your hands.” He warned. I tried to make myself move and obey, but my body was locked in terror. I screamed when I felt his hand touch me. He forcefully pushed me over onto my stomach and yanked up one hand binding it like before. I screamed and tried to thrash around, but he was too strong.

“I must admit disappointment in your disobedience, but this should remedy that” He finished the last ankle and moved back to study me. He was such a liar. He wasn’t disappointed because he liked to inflict suffering. I tried to move around, but was tied too tightly and just caused the leather to bite painfully into my skin. He seemed to make a decision and took whatever he had back for something else. I sucked in a deep breath seeing the whip in his hand and closed my eyes tightly resting on the cold stone. He moved over me and started untying my robes. I was already starting to sob again and the air brushing my now bare back startled me into speech.

“Wait. Wait. Please. I swear I will obey you now without hesitating. Please. Please.” I pleaded hoping it would be more effective than the first time I tried. 

“It is far too late for that little one. However, you may take some small comfort in the fact you are still far too delicate to take real punishments”. I didn’t have time to think about what he meant about “real” punishments because the next moment the wind was whistling and I yelped as the whip connected with my skin harshly. “Count them” he ordered and I blinked dazedly thinking about the time when he did not speak at all and how much better it was. I screamed and tugged against the restraints barely managing to choke out the numbers each time. We only went to ten, but my back felt wet. Did he make me bleed? I relaxed painfully at the pause in pain. Then let out an agonized screech when he resumed by hitting my feet. I pleaded mentally with anyone who would listen to me. Death would be better than to suffer this again. At least he didn’t force me to count again. I felt darkness on either side of me threatening to swallow me up. The agony was too sharp for me to tune out even as my body went slack and he ceased.

I felt him unbinding my ankles and wrists. He pushed me over onto my back and rested his hand on my cheek. The stone felt rough and horrid against my back. 

“I can’t have you falling unconscious until after your punishment” he stroked his thumb down my cheek looking extremely content. I hated him almost as much as I hated myself. He pulled my robes back up around me and fixed it into place before lifting me up. Was this part of my punishment? I thought almost sarcastically as he carried me out of the room. I was barely aware of orcs and monsters we passed in the hallway. My hair was still hanging loosely all around me and I tried to hide my view behind it. I had no idea where we were when he set me down. It was a place I hadn’t been to before. That description fit almost everywhere in this hellhole. I was in too much agony to take much note of my surroundings and just turned my face up with closed eyes. 

“What did you do to her?” Tar-Mairon’s voice sounded from far away.

“None of your concern. I just want you to make her stay conscious” Gothmog responded from an equally far distance. 

“No. She cannot handle it without becoming mad. She is too fragile for you” He snapped voice fading away. They seemed to be moving away. or was I moving away? I heard the intonations of their voices, but it sounded like they were talking heated gibberish. I giggled at my thoughts. Heated gibberish. I felt my body being pulled upwards and blinked quickly trying to adjust to opening my eyes. Tar-Mairon was holding me up gently. He must not have realized the pain of standing on my feet and I tried to slip out of his grip to the floor by dropping all my weight. It didn’t work and he kept me upright without effort. I saw Gothmog glaring at him from where he was standing farther back. 

“Come Airawende” He pulled me gently and I lost my balance as I tried to take a step and put weight on my foot. 

“Where is Haldamire?” I asked holding onto him for support. 

“That isn’t your concern.” Gothmog answered. I frowned upset at the lack of knowledge being offered. 

“There are other methods” Tar-Mairon put a hand to my back and pulled away fingers sticky with blood. 

“She’s fine, just tired, and I want you to make her stay awake” Gothmog responded looking displeased. Tar-Mairon frowned and I stared at him. 

“Very well, but there are some injuries that cannot be treated” He finally answered pushing me into a soft chair and sweeping out of the room. I pulled me knees up awkwardly with the robes and tried to wrap my around all the way around. It felt like my entire had been hit not just my back and feet. Why couldn’t I just obey?! I rested my forehead against my knees and waited for Tar-Mairon to return.

The door opened several minutes later and Tar-Mairon approached holding up another injection. It was much lighter in color then the one that caused fire to burn inside me. 

“hold out your arm for me, little one” Tar-Mairon straightened out my half-way bent out arm and pushed the needle in. Immediately more clarity returned to my mind and the throbbing in my back and feet intensified. I whimpered and he patted my head consolingly. 

“Which cell did you say she appeared in?” Gothmog asked when Tar-Mairon rose and tossed the injection away. 

“Going there? maybe I should partake in the fun” He said in response as a cruel miasma seemed to fall over him and I shrank back. Was that always there? I looked back and forth at them. They seemed to be having a silent conversation. 

“Come, Airawende” Gothmog said beckoning me to come to him. I looked at him in horror and then back at my feet. 

“She will be infected if you make her walk there.” Tar-Mairon said looking frustrated while the cruel miasma evaporated. 

“She can crawl there” He responded lazily and I let out a squeak of revulsion. He approached me and I froze too afraid to move back. He quickly lifted me up and I felt myself relax in relief. He wasn’t going to make me walk or crawl. I shuddered at the thought. 

The dungeon I arrived in. He wanted to take me back there. Was it for the bad memories? Did he want to leave me there for a while? I hope he wants to leave me there. Maybe I can talk to that red haired guy who saved me from things too terrible to put into words. I realized after seeing everyone here that he was also a beautiful one trapped like the teacher. My foot twitched in agitation. Why were they imprisoning people and torturing them? I cowered into Gothmog’s arms as we passed a particularly frightening monster and hid my face in his chest deciding that was the lesser of two evils. 

We descended so many stairs and sloping passage ways before arriving back to where I had first arrived. 

“Maitimo, we have come to play” Gothmog set me down near the door and I leaned as much weight as I could into the wall and off my feet. Maitimo. That must be his name. I felt myself start trembling again hearing the door unlock. He wanted to hurt me in front of someone else. I felt my eyes mist up again. What if he tried to stop him? Gothmog would hurt him terribly. I didn’t resist the tug upon my arm dragging me into the cell. He tossed me gracelessly off to the side and I felt all the air whoosh out of me at the impact. 

“If you cannot bear the torment of your misbehavior, Airawende, I am sure Maitimo will be content to take it for you” He said cruelly and I looked up at him in dismay.


	22. Chapter 22

I blinked in the darkness feeling the haze of too much sleep slowing down my thoughts. Somehow during my sleep I had managed to get under the covers. I sat up feeling the back of my neck. It was damp with the sweat. The air was warm enough in here that blankets were unnecessary, but the comfort is nice and I would rather have them then not. 

“Haldamire, I can sense that you have woken, don’t tarry” I heard Tar-Mairon call from beyond the darkness. The light I saw by to get in here is gone, or maybe extinguished. I threw the covers off and set my feet down tentatively. I didn’t want to step on anything. I mean Tar-Mairon doesn’t really seem like he has random items strewn on the floor, but you can never be too sure. I blinked, but it must have been true darkness because I still couldn’t see anything. I walked slowly in the direction of where Tar-Mairon’s voice came from until I bumped into a door. Fumbling around with the door knob took me a long minute until I pushed out and bright light spilled in. 

I threw my hand over my eyes blinking at the sudden assault of light. I shook my head randomly trying to help myself adjust faster. I don’t know if shaking the head actually works, but it felt right. 

“Come Haldamire, look at this” Tar-Mairon said sounding almost excited. For some reason it made me nervous and I hesitated a split second before approaching him. I let out a choked noise of horror when I peered closer. It looked like two hearts were pinned to the table. 

“What is that?” I closed my eyes trying to keep my voice even and failing miserably.

“Don’t be so frightened Haldamire. Look at the difference in size of hearts between the first and second born. Very faint structural material differences deep in the components, but that would be beyond you.” He explained. I shivered despite the warm air. They had probably already been dead when he took their hearts. Probably. Hopefully. I looked at him and he set down some tool he had in his hand.

“so recalcitrant today. Come sit” He turned without waiting to see if I was following and sat down where we had sat yesterday before I slept. I followed eager to move the hearts out of eyesight and my mind. He motioned towards food set out on the table. It looked better than what Airawende and I were given in our room, but I was feeling rather queasy from the hearts. Still better not to tempt anger by refusing. I picked up a slice of bread carefully and waited to see if he would take anything. He didn’t and after a moment and I ate carefully trying not to spill any crumbs. He leaned forward in chair slightly and asked me where we had come from. 

“Um, we came from a renaissance fair.” I said trying not to sound like I didn’t know the answer. I wasn’t sure what he was really wanting to know since I did not know where we were. I mean the teacher told us Angband is across the sea and a place of darkness and terror, but that wasn’t really knowing for us and she didn’t understand our puzzlement. 

“Explain to me a renaissance fair and how you came to be at the court of Angband suddenly” He asked.  
“It’s like a place people go to dressed like they are from the past or fantasy books. I do not understand how I came to be in Angband either. Airawende touched something on the ground, I think jewelry of some kind, and light consumed us. The next thing I knew we were in Angband” I said truthfully still confused at the entire process myself. 

“The past? Fantasy books? What did it look like?” He furthered. 

“Yea, the past like medieval times” I frowned wondering how to explain “And fantasy books like mermaids, elves, and fairies. I cannot remember what it looked like or if I saw it up close. Airawende is the one who put her hand on it” Thinking about that brings up frustration with Airawende. I know anyone would have picked up lost jewelry to look at and turn in, but if she had just missed it or left it alone we would be safe back home! Tar-Mairon leaned back as if in thought and studied me. I grabbed another piece of bread awkwardly suddenly feeling hungry and set a piece of cheese on it. Why didn’t we get this food before? I wonder if Chloe has better food now too. I raised my hand like I was in school feeling slightly foolish. 

“Ask Haldamire” Tar-Mairon said eyes bright with dancing flames. 

“Where is Ungo?” The first semi-normal verbal interaction I’ve had. Even if it was with a wolf who said he would like to take a bite out of me. 

“do you like Ungo?” Tar-Mairon asked his lips tilted up slightly with my question.

“Yes, he’s very nice” I answered nodding.

“Nice.” Tar-Mairon repeated tilting his head slightly thoughtfully. I slouched slightly then hoping that didn’t get Ungo in trouble. I jumped at the reprimand of needing good posture feeling terrified of punishment. I shifted nervously and ate my cheese bread quickly. Tar-Mairon stood and beckoned me to follow. I stood quickly dusting off my hands. 

“Go wash and dress yourself appropriately. I will take you to see some of my wolves. Do not think we are done with questions.” Tar-Mairon said entering into the room that I came out of earlier. I gasped in shock and wonder as torches along the wall suddenly lit up fire crackling brightly. I noticed another door along the far side that was a lot smaller than the entry door. He gestured to a large wardrobe across one side of the wall and a vanity next to it telling me where to find clothes and fix myself. I nodded quickly and he left before I could blink. It still shocked me whenever they moved fast like that. 

I moved toward the wardrobe trying to logically tell myself why I should not be excited. I felt like a small child at Christmas. I know he is not kind and that they are not kind, but maybe I can let myself pretend it is for me and not them. I pulled the door open and glared huffing. All the same colors of red, gold, and black. No blues, no greens, no purples, no yellows. Okay, the patterns are vaguely different and they are very beautiful, but its all similar. I picked up one of the more colorful ones. It was mostly dark red, but it had golden eye patterns. I was excited for no reason. I took it with me to the bathroom scowling. I wonder if Chloe is stuck with the same color of clothes.   
The water was already there and very warm. I wonder how it got there. Surely I would have heard someone bringing water past me? The thought I missed it sends a terrifying message. I carefully set the stupid red and gold robes down away from any risk of water and marveled at the perfect temperature. I soaked for a minute and then hurried. Tar-Mairon may not take me if I take too long. In short order I had wrapped myself in the layered robes tying them tightly and sat back in room in front of the mirror. Usually Chloe and I took turns braiding each other’s hair for optimal time management and ease. I screamed in terror seeing a person in the mirror and whipped around.

“You scared me to death” I whisper yelled realizing it was the teacher. She gave a regretful look and motioned me to turn.

“I was ordered to make you beautiful always” She explained peeking furtively at the open door and beginning to work a brush through my hair. 

“You will stay here with me?” I asked hopefully. 

“No, but I will come in the beginning of the day” she said sounding despondent. 

“what’s wrong? We still get to see each other. Do you see Airawende too?” I asked eager to hear of news. She gave a terrified look to the door and shook her head mutely leaving all my questions unanswered. “why won’t you answer me?” I asked plaintively giving puppy dog eyes through the mirror. 

“Shh. Shh. He hears all” she whimpered looking terrified. She was not behaving like she did in the classroom. I guess there was that one time Tar-Mairon had her head slammed into the ground when we were learning how to kneel. I frowned and stayed silent while she finished. 

“Good, you have finished.” The teacher threw herself down in a bow at the sound of Tar-Mairon’s voice and I stared between them. She tugged desperately at my robes urging me to join her. I looked at Tar-Mairon questioningly wondering if I was supposed to kneel every time I saw him. “you may forgo kneeling in these rooms Haldamire, but if you forget when we leave them, you will not forget again.” The flames in his eyes burned brighter seemingly piercing into my heart and burrowing the threat there. I nodded looking down trying to appear submissive. The teacher just stayed where she was as Tar-Mairon hooked a long leash to the collar thing they had us put on yesterday. I felt extremely embarrassed, but in no mood to test the waters of safety by resisting. I’ll leave that kind of pointless stupidity to Airawende. I was in equal parts humiliated by the leash and collar, but excited to see Ungo. I fell into step behind Tar-Mairon as he left.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TORTURE WARNING: SEVERE

“NO! STOP!” I screamed slamming my hand into the ground over and over as Gothmog moved over to the red-haired beautiful one he called Maitimo. I felt sickness roiling in my gut and pain emanating sharply in what felt like hundreds of places. It wasn’t fair. He saved me. 

I was stuck leaning over onto my hands and knees from where I was discarded, in too much pain to move much, except to hit my hand on the ground. I was ignored by both as Gothmog forcibly pulled him up by his bindings. 

“PLEASE STOP. DON’T HURT HIM. PLEASE” I wailed forcing myself into a better bow like how Tar-Mairon made us learn.

“Do not dare to bow to him in my place” I looked up in horror at the hoarse, but stern words. He was glaring at me with unyielding silvery eyes that seemed to hold endless sadness, regret, and hatred. Maybe he didn’t understand how much pain Gothmog could inflict on him or he wouldn’t say such a foolish thing. 

“Stubborn as ever, son of Feanor” Gothmog said yanking up each of his arms one at a time and binding them to more chains on the ceiling far apart from each other and high enough that his toes could barely brush the ground. I shivered in pity seeing how taut and contorted his arm and shoulder muscles looked hanging far apart like that. He was beautiful anyway. Maybe almost as beautiful as Tar-Mairon despite the obvious malnourishment and old injury scars. He had what seemed like an endless amount of raised whip scars across his back and even on his chest and legs. 

I tried to dismiss my momentarily selfish panic about whether or not my back and feet would end up permanently scarring like that. I wasn’t beautiful like him, it would ruin me. A little noise of hysteria bubbled past my lips at such superficial thoughts in the middle of a crisis caused by me. 

The sudden appearance of what looked a whip, solely made out of fire, caused me to start screaming and cover my eyes. I could feel the heat emanating off of it all the way over here.

“How original” He spat sarcastically at Gothmog despite the pain he was about to feel. I almost couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He won’t even try to avoid or lessen it? I was also surprised Gothmog didn’t respond to him verbally. I refused to look, but I could hear the crack of the whip and hear what sounded like sizzling. Oh please, don’t be skin. I kept my hands tightly over my eyes and tried hard not to panic. This was all my fault.

“Airawende, open your eyes. You’ll make us stay here longer.” Gothmog said tonelessly. I pressed my hands really hard into my temples instead trying not completely lose my mind to panic and guilt. He was hitting him so hard, but there was very little blood. It was like the wound was being cauterized as it was struck from the heat, but the skin seemed off and almost melted together after a few seconds. It was more horrible then being struck myself. I was never hit like this or with fire. I was clenching my head so hard and crying pitifully. I would behave perfectly now, he didn’t need to do this. 

I let out a little whimper and wished I was anywhere else. I would even take being trapped here somewhere else. I want Haldamire. I can’t survive here with him alone. I can’t survive here at all. 

“Please don’t hit him anymore” I choked out past my tears and clogged voice. “It was my fault. All my fault” I sobbed. I screamed when he cried out, but I think he lasted a long time managing to stay silent. I almost wasn’t prepared for the pain in his voice. It was so deep and raw pushing past what sounded like damaged vocal cords rough from not being used or maybe being used too much.

“Don’t hit him. Don’t hit him” Gothmog said, nearly taking what sounded like a mocking tone, pulling the whip back and making it disappear “Then you would have me do something else.” I didn’t even know how to respond to that so I shook my head terrified.

I looked up at Maitimo terrified at his pained scoff in response. He was more stupid then I was to be so openly defiant. I shook my head frantically at him pleading with my eyes for him to shut up. He was going to make this so much worse. 

“Well, if you both insist on challenging on my creative side” he smiled pulling out a knife. I don’t even know to describe the resigned horrified noise that issued from my throat as I fell over onto my side. I writhed and jerked a moment after some of my side wounds touched the ground, but didn’t right myself.

“Don’t believe it’s your fault. They would do it anyway” came the raspy voice of Maitimo. I covered my ears in disbelief missing Gothmog’s response if he said anything. We literally would not be here right now if wasn’t for me. 

I screamed as one of my hands was yanked away from my ear violently. “Don’t do that Airawende or you might miss the screaming” I reached for his arm managing to catch his wrist and tug lightly.

“Please don’t anymore. You don’t have to. I swear I’ll do whatever you say. Please” I whispered pleadingly.

“Oh, I know you will” He pulled his arm from my hand and I let it flop back against my body in despair. 

“Since we are all here because of Airawende, how about I start with her name” He said wrapping his hand around the knife blade. I could see glowing red and orange between his fingers and narrowed my eyes at it confused. Then he let go and the blade was still glowing bright red and I realized what he actually meant. I let out a wail and covered my eyes again, until he said that if I did that one more time he would do everything twice.

I could see Maitimo straining and gritting his teeth against the pain as Gothmog ran the cherry heated blade into his skin and started. I felt sick to my stomach and tried to suppress it. I shook my head rapidly, but that only made it worse. The last straw was when he screamed. I couldn’t stop myself.   
“Really Airawende? You are truly that weak. Perhaps Mairon had a point, but I can’t leave poor Maitimo here with only half a mark” He was only on the second A in my name. It was so awful to think about Maitimo getting my name permanently scarred into his skin. It was all my fault. Even worse that he saved me when I first came here. What if Haldamire is next? I shook violently refusing to cover my eyes again in case he followed through with his threat. Which knowing him was a definite possibility. I could see him straining not to cry out again, but he couldn’t help it sometimes. Almost like Gothmog intentionally went deeper in some places to illicit a reaction like that. I shook in relief when he finished the final e and tried to look away from the final result. Somehow the guilt made me look and take in what I had caused. Nausea started raising again and I covered my mouth hoping I didn’t throw up again. 

“You are very fortunate she is too weak to stay here. We could’ve played for so long. Perhaps we will return for more fun when she becomes stronger” Gothmog said to Maitimo in a conversational tone before flipping his knife up to catch it in another grip and plunge into his shoulder all the way to its hilt. He screamed then and so did I. 

I cowered back on the floor when he approached me, but he didn’t say anything and just lifted me back up in his arms. He didn’t even bother to let Maitimo down from where he was hung in that uncomfortable position before leaving. I caught the silvery grey eyes as we were leaving in mine and was horrified to see a single tear leaking down his eye. His eyes didn’t look sad though, just resigned and angry.


	24. Chapter 24

“Ungo was not incorrect. You do walk quite slowly. Comparatively”. Tar-Mairon said in a matter of fact tone as I struggled to walk fast enough to keep up. My legs were burning from how far and how fast the pace is. 

“Compared to what?” I asked. He really didn’t need to walk that fast. 

“Compared to almost every other one of the children I’ve come across. Excepting dear Airawende of course” He explained patiently. He doesn’t explain things in an insulting way, but I somehow feel as if he thinks I’m stupid or something. 

“Children? We aren’t children. I’m 20” I countered trying to ignore the burning in my calves. This is really like exercise. I felt a flash of annoyance when he started laughing in response. “That’s not the age of a child” I said sulkily in response scowling at the floor.

“Even the ancient Eldar are children to me” he slowed down to catch my gaze.

“How old are the Eldar?” I said trying not to take any kind of disbelieving tone. He stopped and gave me a considering look which I returned meekly. 

“Older then the sun and moon” I let out a half gasp and half laugh. Maybe they were really crazy here.

“That’s impossible” I insisted baffled “the sun is nearly 5 billion years old plus the moon is much older than the earth. Science tells us!” 

“Science tells you? What else does science tell you Haldamire? Where did you learn this science?” He asked his eyes brightening with dancing flames. Thankfully it didn’t seem like a violent dance. 

“Uh, the science in… I don’t know the word, but it is like where the teacher taught us but with many students. It tells us a lot? We have to classes in science and writing and other subjects” I said puzzled trying to explain school. What does he want to know about science?

“So you and Airawende were educated then. If educated incorrectly.” He started walking and I followed. 

“How old are you?” I pushed completely baffled at his strange beliefs about the sun and moon. 

“Haldamire, I am ageless by the timeline constructed by children. I helped sing the universe into being”. I tripped and caught myself on the wall. Totally impossible. I shook my head trying to process what he told me. This had to be some kind of lie.

“That’s not possible” I argued sliding down the wall staring ahead blankly thinking about everything.

“I assure you, Haldamire, its quite true” He smiled looking down at me. I didn’t even notice he had turned around and came back to me.

“I don’t understand it. Sang? The universe isn’t musical? I want to go home where things make sense. What are you if you sang the universe into existence? How can you like hurting people if you created things? Are you a demon?” I put my face into my hands trying to connect anything and everything I knew and praying he wasn’t going to answer yes to the last question.

“Haldamire, come with me to see the wolves” he held out his hand. I hesitated a moment looking at it, but then allowed him to pull me up. “There are things you will never be able to comprehend about the universe and the music. I won’t bother trying to explain this to you at such a young age. Pain is how the universe is ordered, it is instructional. Dare I say it can be intriguing at time to witness the effect it has on mind and body on being tied into physical forms completely. Such a delicate complexity to test. Did you try to run again after having had your leg broken? You don’t need to answer, I already know. Haldamire, the children describe demons as beings who revel in destruction. I am no demon, I revel in the creation and structure of order. Pain is a tool to bring about a superior structure. An enjoyable tool at time, but still a tool. Though by your definition Airawende might be with a demon” My eyes widened at his explanation and I felt lightheaded at his description of Gothmog. 

“Will he destroy her?” I breathed out quietly terrified.

“I don’t think so. He found the limit she can reach sanely. He doesn’t want a destroyed toy this time” He responded pushing past a doorway and descending into a dark stairwell.

“This time?” I choked out feeling out the wall and carefully taking the steps one at a time. Then the stairwell suddenly brightened as torches lit up around it. “Did you do that? What else can you do?” I asked.

“Forget Airawende for now. I did and I can do many things. I can teach you how to do many things as well Haldamire. If you swear yourself to me” I descended the stairs faster trying to keep up. 

“Didn’t we already at that hall place?” I asked breathing laboriously as the stairs flatted out to another hallway. 

“I would have you swear yourself truly and willing before teaching. We are here” He motioned to two orcs standing in front of two doors. Big, but not as big as the doors in the great wall.

“Are all the wolves in there?” I asked excited, but apprehensive. 

“Of course not, Haldamire, most wolves roam the fortress and surrounding land. This is where the mothers and pups are.” 

“Baby wolves” I asked excited. “What’s Ungo doing there?”

“I sent for him to meet us there.” He explained as the orcs opened the doors. I could hear yips and snarls as the doors opened. It sounded like there were hundreds of animals in there. I followed him in looking around for Ungo. 

“Ungo!” I cried seeing his fur winding through others to approach us. 

“Stay with Haldamire, Ungo. I have things I must do” Tar-Mairon ordered. 

“Yes, master” Ungo’s tongue lolled out as he sat watching Tar-Mairon disappear. 

“Still alive, I see” Ungo stood up and wagged his tail. He was so big for a wolf. I reached out my hand slowly and touched his shoulder fur before petting him. 

“Did you think I would not be?” I asked looking around at the cavernous room. There seemed to wolves running around and playing all over. Most of them smaller then Ungo and some really small. They must be the baby wolves.

“You can never truly know what goes on the minds of the Maiar. Trying to predict their actions oft comes with disastrous results” He nudged his head in my chest and rubbed. 

“Oh?” I felt lightheaded. Maybe Ungo knows about the sun and moon. “Can I ask you something? Did Tar-Mairon really sing the universe into being?” 

“You question it?” Ungo sounded disbelieving and offended. “He did help create. He created us too. I know not much of the song, but I know he is a part of it and a singer of creation” I frowned thinking about his response. What if it was true? How did Airawende and I end up here? If Tar-Mairon wasn’t a demon, but Gothmog was then why are they together? Nothing makes sense. I was shaken out of my reverie as something collided with my legs. I tipped over and barely caught my balance hanging onto Ungo. He snarled and snapped several times a bundle of fur. No, two bundles of fur. 

“So cute!” I exclaimed picking one of them up. It was two tiny baby wolves. “Don’t scare them” the little bundle of fur wiggled and then tiled its head up and licked my cheek. “What’s your name?” I asked enthusiastically. 

“He’s too little to have learned speech” Ungo huffed annoyed. 

“look at this one. They must be friends” I crouched down petting the second one which had sat next to me.

“Littermates” Ungo corrected sniffing over them. I sat down setting the one I was holding in my lap and the other one quickly climbed over my leg to join him. I felt myself smiling, but it felt so alien. I can’t even remember the last time I smiled so happily like this. One of them started kicking the other running his legs over his belly. I laughed when the one getting pummeled quickly flipped over making the top one fall off. I felt Ungo lay down next to me and watch the two pups. I leaned on Ungo, but then he quickly moved up to stand making me have to catch myself on my arm.

“Ungo” I complained.

“Master returns.” Ungo explained shaking out his fur. Sure enough Tar-Mairon was returning. He was so tall that he was easily spotted. Despite the wolves being as tall as horses. I clutched the wolves to myself unwilling to let go. This was so unfair. It hardly felt like we spent any time here. I gave Tar-Mairon my most convincing face and pleaded with wide eyes. He was over here too fast from where we spotted him approaching. He leaned down and pulled one of the wolves out of my grasp.

“No..o” I whimpered sadly.

“I thought you had more sense than Airawende” Tar-Mairon said setting the puppy down and tilting up my face with his hand under my chin. He was ripping away the small little happiness that I had so soon. I gripped the remaining wolf puppy tight in my arms immediately loosening at the pained yip. I tried to blink away the moisture appearing in my eyes. 

“Tar-Mairon, please. Can we stay longer?” I said imploringly. He angled my face up higher at an uncomfortable tilt in my neck. 

“Give him to me” He ordered releasing me and holding out his arms. I looked down and reluctantly gave the pup over to Tar-Mairon. He patted my head and I scowled looking away so he didn’t notice. Ungo nudged me and I stood up rubbing his ears trying not to cry. My throat was closing up making it difficult to speak. I looked over at Tar-Mairon who was looking over the wolf. He peered into its ears and mouth. He even let the pup nibble on his finger. 

“You may take him with us Haldamire, but know you are responsible for teaching him. If he falls behind others his age then he will die and you will be punished for wasting resources” Tar-Mairon said setting him down my arms. I stared at Tar-Mairon in disbelief. I felt almost giddy with excitement, but also a bit nervous. I am sure I can teach him, but what does he mean resources and why would he have to die. I must teach him tomorrow. 

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” I exclaimed giddily looking over at the puppy. I felt dread in my heart at the penalty for failure, but I wanted this too badly.


	25. Chapter 25

I was in dazed agony as he carried me down the hallways, but my mind kept going back to Maitimo. I hoped he wouldn’t hate me forever for being the cause of his suffering. He had my name burned and carved into his flesh. That had to be the worst thing to happen to him. Would he suffer if I acted out again? The possibility brings dread and somehow hope unfurling inside my chest. I want to see him again, but not at the price of pain. Maybe I could sneak down there sometime? Impossible. I don’t even know the way nor do I have strength enough to open my eyes. I mean I could physically, but I have no heart to see. 

“general” a new voice spoke out loudly ringing in the hallway. Did he know Gothmog? I squeezed my eyes tighter closed and leaned into him more. If they are friends or something then it must be a horrible being too. 

“Why are you here? This isn’t your typical domain to wander.” Gothmog responded. 

“I may not tend to roam these halls in particular, but nothing here binds or loosens my presence lest it be an errand for our lord” the being responded. He had a much lighter tone then Gothmog, but more harsh then Tar-Mairon. 

“Enough with your underhanded sprite words Langon. Take those to the enemies you treat with. Mairon spoke to me of your curiosity in Haldamire and think I did notice you look at my Airawende leaving Mairon’s instruction” Gothmog sounded more vexed this time. Perhaps he does not like this Langon? Maybe Langon is nice?! When did he see me? What time passing him is Gothmog referring to? I forced my eyes open and blinked at the light. It was much brighter then Angband was usually. I gasped realizing Gothmog was actually glowing yellowish red light in the hallway nearly as bright as the torches along the wall. I felt his grip on me tighten slightly at my noise of disbelief. 

Langon was so pretty! Not as pretty as Tar-Mairon nor as intimidating as Gothmog, but he was a beautiful one. If a frightening one as well. His eyes were like pools of pitch. Not just the iris or the pupil, but the entire eye. It is much more frightening then it sounds. There isn’t any emotion to see in it nor even where he is looking. There was something a little off putting about his whole presence. 

“I have no notions of rising above my place, general, I simply wish to gaze upon them to satisfy curiosity. You must know I am hardly a threat to your ownership. Many other inhabitants of Angband have…less passive motives” Langon spoke calmly, but I just wish I could tell where he was looking at. 

“Is that a threat?” Gothmog hissed back his grip tightening even more causing me to squeal in pain. It made the whip marks in my back scrunch up painfully. Sweat dripped down across my face as the glowing intensified and the heat increased. 

“I would never dare to threaten our great general. Forgive me, curiosity drives me into unwise words.” Langon said bowing his head. It seemed to work as the heat let up a bit. It was burning me. The sweat dripping down into my wounds. I wriggled around in pain. 

“Airawende settle yourself” Gothmog snapped at me before answering to Langon’s apology. “What do you know of motives towards Haldamire and Airawende?” I struggled to remain still as beads of sweat continued to roll down my neck and back into my wounds. 

“I hear rumors” He said stepping forward closer to us motioning to me. 

“If you do anything more then look, ever, I will carve your spirit out and make it wander houseless for a millennium. Make it known that’s the fate awaiting any who would dare cross me. Should they forget Mairon’s demonstration.” Gothmog said shifting me in his arms so Langon could see me better. He leaned in closer to peer at me and I shivered at the black eyes boring into mine. I wanted to leave and think about Maitimo and his silver eyes telling me not to beg for him. If only I could be that strong. I closed my eyes and turned my face into Gothmog’s chest hiding. 

“Go Langon. Do not forget I’ve allowed you a great honor today” he said shifting me again so I was pulled tightly to him. I lifted my arms up and wrapped them around his neck hoping to bring relief to my back. I gazed up at him, but his was looking straight ahead as we walked. He never shows much emotion, but I get the feeling he’s extremely self-satisfied about that interaction. I tried to peer over his shoulder to look at Langon behind us. My eyes widened in utter shock as he winked at me. That was such a bizarre looking action with no pupils. Almost as frightening as seeing an orc for the first time. I blinked and then he was gone. Just vanished. I don’t know how he could’ve disappeared like that in a second. How odd. 

I wanted to ask questions, but I also don’t want to be punished for speaking out of turn. He didn’t tell me how to get speaking permission. What if I’m dying or something? 

“Speak your question” I froze in shock at his unexpected demand. How did he know? I stumbled slightly trying to make words form. “Don’t waste time” his glow slightly intensified. 

“I can’t think when your frightening me with threats” the words poured out before I could stop them. 

“Then speak without threat. For now. We are nearly to my territory and none will show themselves there without good cause while I train you. You may have three” His glow dimmed a bit and his grip loosed. Territory? Train me? Now I have a million more questions. 

“Three?” I questioned puzzled.

“Three questions. Now two” he answered.

“that’s not fair” I cried letting go of his neck. 

He laughed. It was the first time I’ve ever heard such a sound from him. Bad enough when he smiled. His laugh was so much deeper and darker then Tar-Mairon’s. What new devilry is this? I scowled then immediately wiped my expression when he glanced down at me.   
“Who are Langon and Maitimo?” I asked instead trying to order my thoughts into what questions are the priority.

“Trying to seek two answers in one question. Perhaps not so foolish after all. Langon is a Maia of fancy words and speech. Sent to parley with the enemy, but of little consequence in might. Maitimo is the former high king of the Noldor, our enemy who came across the sea seeking to steal from our king’s right and make war.” He explained, but none of it made that much sense. Except Langon is obviously a diplomat, but something tells he probably has more influence here than what I’m being told. One more.” He warned. I let out a long breath thinking. Ask about Haldamire, ask what he means by territory, or ask how I can ask for permission to speak? 

“What if I need to ask you a question or say something? How do I tell you?” I asked finally as he pulled me away from him and set me down delicately. I leaned over trying not to cry as all my weight was suddenly applied to my injured feet. 

“My little Airawende” he said in tone almost bordered with could pass as fondness “You have never wanted to say something without me being aware. I will notice and if I allow it then I will tell you. If I say nothing then stay silent”. I bit my tongue keeping myself from responding. I was already at the end of my three questions. This is so frustrating! I raised my eyes appealing trying not to react to the pain, but he ignored me opening up a passage way.

He glanced at me with his red eyes scorching “When you manage to make it downstairs, I will show you where we live.” I managed to suppress my tears until he was gone and then sat down in the hallway weeping.


	26. Thuringwethil acts like Thuringwethil

I clutched my wolf pup tightly in my arms the entire way back to Tar-Mairon’s apartments. I was torn on what to name him. I asked Tar-Mairon if I could name him in my native tongue and his eyes flared up when he looked back at me so I haven’t said anything since. This is a very long walk to be so silent, but at least I’m distracted by my new fluffy. The burn in my calves is even less noticeable 

He was so pretty and soft. His fur was gray and silver on the top overlaying white on the bottom. His ear tips, tail, and some of his back was darker gray and black. I want to call him Lerya because it means freedom in this language, but what if Tar-Mairon takes offense. Maybe Raum is a good name too, but I haven’t heard any storms since I’ve been here and I used to love rain. Or maybe Mordo or Ixel for shadow or even Varyo for protector. I suppose I could wait and see how he behaves when he grows up. Maybe even wait just a day or two to find the perfect name.

I barely stopped myself from running into Tar-Mairon when he stopped and opened the door. I had no idea we were even in the hallway he lived in much less already here. I guess I haven’t had reason to be excited before this.

“This is what all the excitement is about?” I nearly jumped out of skin in bewilderment at the new voice. It was definitely feminine, but there was something very insidious layered in underneath it. I looked up to where the voice had originated from and froze in surprise. Bats could talk? Bats could be that big? Not even my pup licking my cheek took my horrified gaze away. 

“Thuringwethil” Tar-Mairon said striding under the figure above the doorway. With a rush of air and quick movement, the large dark shape flew in after him. A shiver wracked through me, but I ignored it refusing to ignite Tar-Mairon’s frustration. The permanent ache in my left leg is a constant reminder not to push him. 

I swear it was not a person on the ceiling. Maybe the bat thing went somewhere else and she was in here waiting for Tar-Mairon. It didn’t seem likely and I guess that shape shifting wouldn’t be the most horrific thing to be seen here.

“I’ve actually observed her and the other one while they were in lessons once. It was boring and not even the elf noticed my presence” said the lady standing by Tar-Mairon. Her voice sounded eerily similar to the bats voice, but softer and lighter. They must be the same. She looks a lot less frightening this way, but somehow more personally intimidating. She isn’t quite as tall as Tar-Mairon, but she is still much taller than me with a willowy shape. Her hair is as black as the darkest shadow I’ve seen and her eyes are a red like Gothmog’s except a touch lighter and less burning. She stared at me with something more akin to hostility then curiosity, but not very harshly. 

“I would be careful who you tell that to” Tar-Mairon beckoned me closer to him and pet my hair gently when I was standing in front of him while looking at this Thuringwethil. 

“I’m not a fool Mairon” She snapped at him. Wow, she is the most vocally emotional one of them I’ve ever met. I feel strangely excited by this new development. He just smiled indolently in response to her outburst. 

“Can I take him to my room?” I asked Tar-Mairon peering up at him until he gave his permission.

“Let me taste her blood” I bolted into my room at top speed after that request and set down my pupper on my bed. He sniffed the blankets and then moved around the bed continually sniffing things and occasionally pawing at stuff. I looked anxiously towards the doorway, but couldn’t hear Tar-Mairon’s response. 

“Haldamire” Tar-Mairon called and I let a meek whimper looking at my puppy digging his paws into blankets he had pulled into the center of my bed. I closed my eyes cursing the entire situation and finally slunk back out of my room to Tar-Mairon.

“But you do not really know what they are. You can’t hear their music. No one can. I could tell you if they taste like the mortals or elves I have feasted upon” Thuringwethil said looking at me speculatively and then at Tar-Mairon. 

“You have finally stumbled upon an argument of logic rather than hunger, my dear” Tar-Mairon said patting my head. I stared at him. He could not actually be considering this!

“No, don’t” I pleaded widening my eyes as big as I could and blinking up at Tar-Mairon. I flung my arms around him hiding. 

“Come now Haldamire, Thuringwethtil won’t do any permanent damage and pain is only a temporary condition” He said pulling me off him and holding my shoulder lightly. I peeked over at Thuringwethil who was just looking at me with her head cocked sideways. I grabbed Tar-Mairon’s arm after she ran her tongue over a very pointedly sharp tooth and tried to push it off. 

“Don’t hold her steady Mairon. I like to feel them thrashing” she said approaching us slowly. He let go and I tried to run behind him, but she was too quick. She was much stronger than her willowy frame suggested. It was like being held my bands of steel across my arms. 

“LET GO. LET GO” I screamed as she used one hand to yank back my head. 

“Are you sure you want to bite her there? I won’t be forgiving if I have to heal her” Tar-Mairon said warningly as I thrashed and screamed even harder feeling her tongue go up my neck. I shuddered in disgust at the sensation. I think I’d rather switch places with Airawende and have my feet whipped. 

“Don’t you trust me? I’ve had plenty of practice” she said before sinking her teeth into my neck. I let out an agonized scream feeling her teeth sink into my neck and felt my bones turn to jelly. My limpness has basically no effect as she seemed perfectly capable holding me up. Nausea bloomed horrifically in my stomach at the sensation of my blood being sucked out threw my neck. I could actually feel it under the pain.

“That’s enough” Tar-Mairon said brusquely to Thuringwethil and she released my neck. I shivered in shock feeling drops of blood patter down my neck. It wasn’t nearly as much as I assumed would be dripping down my neck. 

I would’ve collapsed to the floor if she wasn’t holding me up. I really should not be in this much disbelief. Terrible things have been happening to us since we arrived. I allowed myself to feel too secure here. I shuddered at her touch on my body keeping me upright and forced myself to stand. I put my hand to the bite on my neck and stared at Tar-Mairon.

“You may go” He said releasing me to my room. I walked as fast as I could and barely managed to restrain myself from slamming the door shut. I ran to my puppy and jumped onto my bed disrupting his nest of blankets. I sniffled and hugged him closer to me as he sniffed curiously at the tears.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I did not want to make y'all wait too long for another update, though I am not entirely content with this chapter right now. I may go back and change some of the dialogue. Also, thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews! I love reading them and its super encouraging!

I let out a hiss of air at the impact of hitting the next step. How many steps were there until I finally arrived and why did it have to pitch black in this stairwell? It was taking me extra time to feel around my surroundings each time and slide off of one step to the next. Fortunately I was able to avoid using the bottom of my feet by sliding, but every time I went down a stair I could feel it in my back. It was exacerbating the pre-existing pain. It was getting warmer and warmer the farther the closer I got.

Hopefully it would not get too much warmer because I would not sleep well if I was sweating and hot. I grunted again at the next step. This was so unnecessary, he already punished me multiple times today and even made me watch Maitimo getting brutalized for what I did. I rest my forehead on the wall, but it was too warm to provide much relief. The sooner I managed to get down this accursed stair well, the sooner I would be done with this pain of movement.

With a grunt I moved off of my resting place and continued down the stairs at my turtle pace trying to decrease the impact as much as I possibly could. Is that light? I must be getting really close. With renewed energy I forced myself to keep going down. My eyes were slowly adjusting to the light and I could start to make out cracks and the slightly curvature of the stairs. The curving is probably why the light doesn't reach all of the stairs in the middle. Finally just something flat 4 more stairs away. Victory at last! I made it. I leaned back for a moment, but then opened my eyes to look around.

This is not a living space, this a damn cavern. Why is the ceiling so far up? He's tall, but not that tall. I looked from one side to another. It was unnecessarily big for anyone. I think a hundred people could easily fit in this room. A lot of it was just space too. I could some furniture all the way across the room, but it was far.

"We will only stay here a century or two. Until you become strong enough to withstand the heat of lava flowing nearby." I nearly jumped putting my hand over my heart and looking up at Gothmog. How did I not notice him off to the side?

I forced back questions thinking back to when he told me the injections were going to stop our fragile mortality and terrified of being punished for speaking out of turn.

"What an ungraceful way to come down a staircase Airawende. Should I carry you across the rest of the way?" He said almost tauntingly. I felt my heart rate increasing with fear. I really don't understand him and his behavior. Do I answer this or do I not and did he expect me to walk down the stairs after ripping them apart. I couldn't help the slight scowl that fell across my features, but he looked amused rather than angry. I gave him a sulky look before glaring silently at the floor.

My hands flailed out at the unexpected movement as he lifted me up similarly to how he had carried me in the hallways. I caught my balance on his shoulder gripping his clothes tightly. He certainly walks faster than me and not just because my feet are injured. I think I could be trying to run fast and be at similar pace to this apparently easy walk. It did not feel quite so far anymore.

I wanted to see if I could ask him questions. He didn't seem to be in a dangerous mood, but he was an unpredictable entity and I had run out of my allowed three. However, I can't risk more punishment. I think I will in pain from this for many months if the last time it happened is any indication.

The furniture was much larger than it looked from where the stairs were, but in comparison to the cavern, tiny. This must not be where he normally lives if he wants us to leave it eventually. And for lava. That will be a good day. I can jump in and die quickly. I do not care to believe what he says about being able to endure it. Some things human bodies cannot adapt to. Living with him is one of them. Is this all there is to his stuff?

"You look confused Airawende. Ask." He set me down gently on the bed that was pushed up against the corner of the cavern. I bit my lip thinking about the best way to phrase my question.

"Is there another room somewhere?" I asked looking for some kind of door or entry way along the wall.

"of course not. I am not so steeped in my corporal form as Mairon. I need not things and or want useless luxuries." He answered sounding almost scornful of Mairon's habits.

"I don't understand. Corporal form? You don't need things?" his answer raised even more questions. I shook my head from side to side attempting to quell the rising headache and daze of information.

"Airawende, so young and naive. You have been here for two years and still fail even basic comprehension of what I am" He patted my cheek almost fondly "I need not sleep or fare in my other forms yet I am bound by the laws of the body from that which I inhabit and in this one I require them minimally." What the hell is this guy talking about?

"you mean when you, when you,…when you" I forced myself to take a deep breath and speak normally "when you were that fire thing in the hallway?"

"My preferred corporal form, but not my native state of being" he said waving a dismissive hand. Does he change forms often? Everything he says just complicates my understanding even more. I would grab a blanket and it wrap it around myself from this bed for comfort if it wasn't so accursedly hot in here.

"Is this not where you normally stay" I asked trying to force a conversation change into less murky waters and still very confused about the lava comment.

"I stay wherever I want to stay, but I have a room similar in style to some of the other Maiar, but it is less cluttered with useless papers and items of no import. For now we will stay here until your body is adapted to heat. I've requested Mairon begin to inject the blood of some of mine own brethren over others, yet he tells me no overnight change." He reached over and pulled some of my hair in his hand inspecting it. He really liked it for whatever bizarre mechanisms are at work in his mind.

"Why do you want to change us?" I whimpered thinking about how badly the first injection had hurt.

"You and Haldamire are both fools. I suppose your youth gives some explanation for the lack of understanding your eventual death as a mortal and failing to appreciate this gift. Or do you think to escape me?" He said releasing the strands of hair he had and sliding a hand in my hair to the back of my head forcing it back sharply. It didn't sound like he wanted an answer and it took a lot of willpower not to cry out at the pain.

I grabbed his arm with one my hands and tried to push it back slightly as he forced my head even farther back. He let go suddenly and I slumped back on the bed until I was lying down. He was just staring at me from where he was off to the side of the bed.

"You're tired Airawende. And useless like that. Go to sleep" he said with an inscrutable expression. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply a couple times before reopening them. He was still looking impassively down at me. He couldn't really expect me to be able to sleep with him watching me or being in the same room. With extreme slowness and discomfort and I sat up and scooted back until I felt the cushions. I laid down awkwardly making eye contact with him the entire time wondering if he was going to leave. I want a blanket even it makes me sweat. I forced myself to sit up again and with excruciatingly slowness managed to get under one. He was still watching me. I rolled over and stared at the opposite wall. This was going to be a long night. Why couldn't I have my own room? Why did he live with lava? Why does he prefer that nightmare form and what his original form? So many questions spinning around my mind and with him observing me then I will definitely sleep little.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I am so sorry its two days late. I know I promised Thursday at the latest and it is now Saturday. May things happened this week. Anyway thank you all so much for your kind and inspiring reviews! I'm so glad y'all like the story. Thank you to iterations, aredheldraugh, and the many guests and others who have been reviewing. I really appreciate it!! :D Enjoy this Leila/Haldamire chapter.

I was crying gently into my wolf puppy’s fur trying to calm down. My neck ached a bit, but other than that it wasn’t actually too painful. I just can’t believe Tar-Mairon would let that happen to me. He wiggled out of my arms, I guess he had enough, and ran in circles on the bed around me yipping. I reached out and he danced away tongue lolling. I felt a smile start as I playfully growled back and tried to get him again. 

He darted forward and licked my knee before bolting away, my fingers barely brush his fur. I moved darting forward and he spun sideways and dodged me. He was a playful little guy. 

“come on tiny one, come here, come here” I urged smiling at his little yips. I laughed as he leapt off the bed and slipped on the floor a bit before managing to run towards the door. I felt my smile drop as he shoved through the door. I swore that I had slammed it closed. How could it be cracked open? Did it bounce back from the force? I stood terrified. What if that vampire lady was still there? What if Tar-Mairon was mad about being interrupted?

I ran to the door and peered out it slowly. He was growling playfully and running around the room. Tar-Mairon was watching him with an eyebrow quirked and the vampire lady was looking straight at me. My hand brushed against the bite on my neck and I hesitated to do anything with her gaze locked on me. She looked hungry.

“Did you come out to give me more, little lamb” She said sweetly. I swallowed and looked to Tar-Mairon. He was still watching the little guy run in circles pointlessly. Should I go out and grab him or hide away? I crouched down pushing the door open a bit wider keeping my eyes on hers the whole time. I waved and motioned frantically with my arms hoping the wolf would notice and return, but he did not. She glided towards me and my eyes shot to Tar-Mairon in terror. He had turned away from the pup and was observing us again. I stood up clutching the door wondering where I could flee to or if Tar-Mairon would save me. 

With a little yip and snarl my wolf pup darted towards us. His little teeth latched onto her dress and he tugged. She looked almost surprised staring down at his little weak effort. I threw myself onto top of him when she started raising her foot. 

“Don’t kick him, you monster!” I screamed shoving him away. I paused waiting for the kick to connect, but when I looked up she was looking at Tar-Mairon. There was a moment of, what felt like awkward to me, silence. I glanced over just in time to see my fuzzy fur ball run head first into a table leg and bounce back growling. 

“I’m a monster. didn’t you hear Mairon?” Thuringwethil sneered looking somewhat angry and somewhat amused. He waved his hand absently. 

“Children are like that Thuringwethil. Impetuous and foolish.” He responded condescendingly. She let out a huff and moved away from where I was. Somehow I never moved off where I had landed, somewhat on her dress, to push away fuzzy bot. Her movement caused me to slip and I awkwardly caught myself on all fours. I moved trying to stand up slowly looking between them. He snapped out a command, in the other language, and suddenly my fur ball ran towards him. 

I reached for him after Tar-Mairon picked him up. I felt my heart drop when he didn’t immediately hand him over. 

“I should give him to her for dinner” he said lifting up the puppy higher.

“No! please!” I wailed horror uncurling in my stomach as she smiled teeth flashing. He smiled at me sharply before passing my fur ball to me. I clutched him looking at Thuringwethil mutinously and terrified. Tar-Mairon put his hand gently on my back. 

“Apologize, little one” Tar-Mairon whispered in my ear leaning down. I looked up at him frowning with wide eyes. I glared at Thuringwethil after turning away from Tar-Mairon.

“Sorry” I said sulkily. 

“Haldamire” Tar-Mairon said sounding reproachful. I scuffed my foot on the ground both frightened and angry. 

“she’s rather willful isn’t she?” Thuringwethil said laughing. My eyes narrowed at her. She was looking angry a minute ago, but now everything is funny. What is wrong with these people? I peeked up at Tar-Mairon and looked down immediately after catching his gaze.

“This one is normally quite docile” Tar-Mairon explained and I stared at him in disbelief. Docile!? Am I a damn animal? He pinched my cheek lightly at my expression. 

“let me have just a taste more” She requested blinking at Tar-Mairon.

“No, Thuringwethil. You’ve had enough for informational purposes. Nothing else will be tolerated.” His hand left my back. 

“Such succor though Mairon.” She sighed with a smile playing on the edge of her lips.

“Go hunt down in the mines if you thirst” Tar-Mairon said in response as my furry pup let out a little yip from my arms. “Come Haldamire, since you are here already we may as well do another injection.” I froze and looked at him. Like the fire feeling shot Airawende and I had received earlier. I looked over at Thuringwethil, but she was gone. How she disappeared in such a short amount of time and so silently I do not know. I hope that doesn’t mean she can sneak in and drink my blood again. 

“Tar-Mairon, do we have to?” I whimpered. 

“Don’t imagine that you have the authority to question my decisions, Haldamire, or the power to offend others here. Tread more cautiously. You are fortunate it was only Thuringwethil. Now go wait in your room and I will bring it there.” He ordered moving away from me. I stood frozen a moment more my thoughts whirling. I narrowed my eyes at my fur ball. 

“you did this young sir” I said hugging him before heading back into my room with him in tow. 

“Lie down” Tar-Mairon said from behind me making me jump in startlement. Why were they all so dang fast? I did as he ordered and let out a sad little sound as my wolf buried himself in my side next to me. Tar-Mairon was very efficient wasn’t he? I bit my lip feeling the needle and as fire lanced up my arm and throughout my body, I gripped the covers trying not to scream and shake. It was even worse then I remembered. My whole body felt lit on fire and my mind was melting. I couldn’t contain the noises of pain, but with relief saw darkness began to encroach on the edges of my vision. Blessed nothingness would soon come.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the slight delay in posting this chapter. It is finals week, however, that does mean Christmas break is almost upon us and then I will have some free time to write more chapters! :D

I woke with a start feeling icky and hot. This place was terribly warm for sleeping. I’m not opposed to sleeping in warmer temperatures so long as it is reasonably warm and not more then 35 degrees. I’m somewhat surprised I managed to fall asleep knowing he was observing me so closely. Perhaps I should not be surprised since it had been a brutal day.

I pushed myself up slowly and looked around. He wasn’t anywhere in sight. I narrowed my eyes searching for any kind of movements in the shadow. Where was he? I slipped off the bed and fell down as my feet yelled in agony. How could I forget to be careful? I glanced around suspiciously cursing him out mentally as my feet burned. Was I alone? I don’t think I’ve been alone like this for a long time. Being awake when Haldamire slept didn’t really count even though I was along with my thoughts. It’s a huge cavern, and quite shadowy aside from the areas of reddish gold light, but it is too open to really hide. 

Why doesn’t he have anything for me to look at or go through? My pained mind was still asking useless questions despite the torment of having landed on my feet. Who doesn’t have things in their bedroom or office or wherever. Well maybe it is because he said he lived somewhere else normally, but somewhere hotter, so maybe all his stuff is there. That must be it. I reached upward grabbing the bedframe and pulling myself up to stand on my screaming feet. I leaned onto the furniture breathing hard. Sniffing, I gathered my strength mentally and shoved up back on to the bed gasping. That was an ill formed plan to move around. 

I wanted to scream at the unfairness of everything here. Why did I have to be stuck here alone with nothing or with him and silence?! Where did Haldamire go and is she okay? I want to go home so badly. More badly then I’ve ever wanted anything. I touched that stupid piece of jewelry and dragged us here. Everything is my fault and Haldamire is suffering for it too. I can feel she still partially blames me even though she says she doesn’t and can argue logically against blaming anyone. Why can’t I scream at the absurdity and horror? I hate this and I hate him. He’s not here to hear me anyway. 

On my hands and knees on the bed, I screamed in anger at the top of my lungs and hit the bed as hard as I could with my fist. Feeling tears forming and blurring my vision only increased my agitation and I screamed again hitting the bed over and over as hard as I could. My back was on fire so I screamed more and then flung a cushion as far as I could before repeating the process with all of them in different directions. I coughed after my next scream and before I knew it I started laughing. Laughing, screaming, and crying at everything. 

“That was quite interesting I must say” Tar-Mairon’s smooth voice came flowing from nearby in a lilting tone. I jerked in shock and quickly rolled over to sit down. My expression must have been something because he laughed as my ragged breathing settled down. Oh no, Gothmog was here too next to him with his red eyes looking at me assessing. I swallowed painfully feeling both terrified and embarrassed. My eyes darted quickly between them until they landed on what Tar-Mairon was holding. 

“No, wait. Don’t.” I stuck my hands out pleadingly my voice coming out broken and weak from sore vocal chords.   
“Don’t be afraid little one. This is for your benefit. That won’t be hurting so much after just a couple more” Tar-Mairon said in a soothing type tone motioning to my feet and coming closer.

“I don’t want it” I sobbed scooting back. 

“Don’t be difficult Airawende” Gothmog snapped his eyes burning into mine causing me to look down cowering “Didn’t we just fix this obedience issue” 

“Not like that. Can’t you see it now? Fear is what’s making her act out. Gentle tones. Gentle manner” Tar-Mairon said holding out a hand and beckoning me forward. I shook my head and trembled. He cocked his head sideways slightly peering at me. “Come now, little one, pain is only temporary and everything will happen whether you will it or not.” I just looked at him trying to process what he said.

“I will do it” Gothmog said breaking the awkward moment and taking the needle from Tar-Mairon and waited for him to step back before attempting to mimic his posture and hold out a hand. It did not look right at all. I looked between him and Tar-Mairon again. “Now come here Airawende. I will not punish you for this…undignified willful moment.” He leaned in closer.

I sniffed staring at him. Tar-Mairon was right that this was going to happen one way or another. I just had to decide if it would be the only bad thing to happen to me. Mind made up, I pushed myself into a straighter sitting position before leaning towards him holding my arm out. 

I closed my eyes shaking my head in anger and fear at the flash of a triumphant smile Gothmog sent to Tar-Mairon. I held my breath waiting for the fire racing through my blood like last time. I yelped as the needle jabbed in way harder than when Tar-Mairon did it the first time and flopped down immediately convulsing and choking as a much worse agony poured through my veins. 

I blinked dazed and wounded as my body continued to shake and felt no relief as cooler hands rested on either side my head stilling it. 

“Sleep, Airawende, sleep” Tar-Mairon chanted to me in soothing tone sending me into nothing.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope you enjoy this chapter! You may or may not based on the explanations. I'll try to get the next chapter out either on or before Christmas eve.

I blinked wincing at how bright the light seemed. I moved and froze at the pain that shot up my neck. I was so stiff. I’m not quite sure why, though I do remember the injection Tar-Mairon gave me and falling into oblivion. 

With an experimental twitch, I curled my fingers in a bit and then stretched them out wincing at the jolts moving my stiff joints caused. Surely I wasn’t asleep for long enough to lock up like this. I breathed in deeply steeling myself and forced my other hand to mimic the actions of the first. I closed my eyes tightly and jerked my arms out of their position. It felt so weird, but not as painful as it had been at first. I think I just needed to get my blood circulating again. Maybe I had been laying down in a weird position. 

“Hi” I whispered to my baby wolf who was laying down near my feet. He opened his eyes and my voice and stuck his tongue out excitedly. “Have you been sleeping here this entire time?” I smiled as he stood up and shook his fur out becoming a small little fur puff. There were torches lit along the wall, but the door was shut and I couldn’t tell if there was a lot of light out there or if maybe Tar-Mairon was sleeping too. If he even slept.

I leaned up on my elbows and tried to ignore the pain lighting down my neck and spine as I turned my head from side to side slowly. I tried to smile, but I think it was more of a grimace as wolf puff jumped excitedly on my legs. I leaned up stretching more alleviating more of my unnatural stiffness and tossed off the blankets letting them fall on top of my puff ball. He growled and pawed at the blankets from underneath them shaking rapidly. I giggled watching him struggle and growl with the blanket before getting out from under them and charging at me. I caught him when he leapt up and started licking at my face.

“Ew, stop” I laughed trying to set him down on the bed. He didn’t want to be let go of, but I pulled my arms behind my back and then slid off the bed. I landed more painful than I thought I would as the final jolts of pain went up through my ankles and knees. My stomach let out a loud rumble and I leaned over feeling nauseously hungry. I can’t believe I didn’t feel tis hunger lying down. I rubbed my forehead with my hand a my stomach made another discontent noise. I padded quietly towards the door with a quick glance back at puff as he let out a sad noise of protest. 

“I’ll be right back” I whispered even though I knew he couldn’t understand me and quickly opened and slipped out the door shutting it gently behind me. I didn’t want puff to get us into anymore unsavory situations. Tar-Mairon was sitting at a desk and writing rapidly. I hesitated for a moment and then walked over to stand behind his chair peering at what he was writing. Was it a chemical formula? 6 KNO3 + C12H4O → 3 K2CO3 + 4 CO4 + 2 H2O + 7 N2. I gasped reading the formulations all down. Was that gunpowder? I took advanced chemistry and I remember formula balancing. That wasn’t correct. 

“Do you understand the mistakes in this Haldamire?” Tar-Mairon asked pinning me down with his gaze. Was this a test of some kind? Should I fail it or pass it? He held up the paper and at my nod ordered me to show him. I took the quill from his hand and stared at it baffled. I guess it makes sense that they wouldn’t have pens or pencils here. I leaned over the paper conscious of Tar-Mairon’s burning gaze on me. I glared at the quill hoping it wouldn’t break and wrote the correct numbers under the formula before setting the quill in Tar-Mairon’s hand and steeping back. He glanced over the paper before smiling at me. There was something really frightening and how charming and peaceful Tar-Mairon looked when he was smiling at you. 

“Can Airawende do this as well?” He asked inclining his head towards the desk. 

“Uh, maybe, I’m not sure, but she took chemistry as well at some point. I think” I stammered out trying to think about school classes. 

“What other classes did you take?” He urged still smiling.

“Oh, we took english and of course history..” I said trailing off at Tar-Mairon shaking his head.

“Science classes, dear, what sciences do you understand.” He corrected my frightened tirade. 

“I wouldn’t say that I understand them too well because it is really more foundational.” I tried to explain. “Uh, we took chemistry, physics, biology, and I think Airawende took astronomy” I finished.

“Who taught you these things?” He asked leaning towards me slightly.

“Well, I, uh might’ve forgotten some of their names, but it was just teachers. Normal teachers” I squeaked out. 

“Indeed, we have spoken about you and Airawende having education before, but I did not realize such subjects are common knowledge. What is the name of the place you are from?” I he asked conversationally. I could tell he was more interested than he was letting on.

“I don’t know how to say it in this language” I responded hoping he wouldn’t be upset.He smiled beginning again at me. 

“I think, Haldamire, where you are from may not exist in this language.” He said with an odd light shining through his eyes. I looked back at him in surprise trying not to shrink back at the light in his eyes. Fire burning and dancing in them. 

“What do you mean by that?” I asked quietly. 

“You and Airawende have stubborn minds that refuse to believe what is right in front of you” Tar-Mairon began and held out a hand. I looked at it and then back at him. “Take it Haldamire, this won’t hurt”   
Except it did hurt. Quite a bit. I yelped in surprise as something took hold of my mind and darkness was everywhere. It was like I was floating across the universe in darkness. I screamed, but I couldn’t feel anything. Maybe I didn’t scream. There was no sensation here, I was just a spectator. I shivered hearing the beginning of some kind of music, but it went out of what human ears could hear and I just stars spin into being with light all around. 

It was like time didn’t exist and I saw everything at once and nothing all at the same time. I gasped, coming back to the present and let go of Tar-Mairon’s hand with a jolt and fell back. I stared up at him from where I was sitting. He wasn’t looking at me, but was looking into nothing. 

“Tar-Mairon” I whispered scared “Tar-Mairon” I whispered louder and he suddenly glanced down at me the flames in his eyes brighter than they ever had been before. 

“What an intriguing world” He said emotionlessly burning his stare into mine. What world? Did he see what I saw? 

“I knew you did not come from Arda marred, but I did not imagine the technology conjured up by your people.” Tar-Mairon said thoughtfully the fire in his eyes dimming “I think perhaps, not to be conjured here. The rule of a standing world is desired not a burned one and the firstborn would surely destroy the world with this”

“The firstborn?” I asked totally baffled by Tar-Mairon’s musings. What was he talking about. “Did you see what I saw?” 

“No Haldamire, I showed you the beginning of this world while I took your knowledge. Do you understand now?” He asked studying me. I frowned thoughtfully. 

“Not really” I said truthfully. He blinked looking long-suffering for less then a second. 

“Listen to me very carefully Haldamire. You saw, and briefly heard, the creation of the universe and this world. You did not come from this world” He explained with a tone of patronization. I cocked my head staring at him trying to process the words.

I didn’t expect to have to face this so bluntly. I mean, I knew deep down that I wasn’t in the same place that I grew up. I didn’t imagine how painful it would sound in actual words. I wanted to keep denying it. Refuse what accepting that knowledge would mean.

“I can take it away from you” Tar-Mairon said standing up and offering me a hand. I took and let him pull me up.

“Take what away from me?” I asked swallowing painfully and blinking away the moisture gathering in my eyes. 

“Your pain, your knowledge” Tar-Mairon said without releasing my hand.

“How could you do that?” I asked looking up at him hopefully.

“Without the memories of your world you need not feel pain. I would leave your memories of here, naturally, and other memories not critical in knowledge, but critical in shaping” He explained. 

“No..o” I whispered trying to extract my hand. 

“Don’t make such a quick decision Haldamire, think about it” He said releasing my hand. My stomach rumbled angrily again at that moment causing Tar-Mairon to quirk his eyebrows in what seemed like amusement. He inclined his head towards the table and I followed his gaze finding food set on it. I looked at him a moment frightened he would take my memories anyway and then bolted to the food.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a short chapter, but I promise that I will make the next Gothmog/Airawende chapter longer then normal to make up for it. :D

I woke up in agony screaming. The pain hadn’t alleviated with sleep. My entire body was on fire. I couldn’t see anything except reds, oranges, and golds mixed into darkness. I could feel the blankets, but they only hurt to feel. I couldn’t tell if I was crying or not, but I wanted to.

A hand settling down on my forehead felt like ice on burned skin, but it just hurt without helping. I shouted out intelligible words, maybe I had reverted to English, and tried to move back groaning in agony. I could hear Tar-Mairon and Gothmog far away speaking gibberish. What was happening to me? Last time the pain had stopped by the time I was awake. Why did it hurt so bad? 

I laid just whimpering trying to think about anything else, but nothing else was strong enough to distract. I wasn’t even motivated or able to try and decipher what they were saying. Was I going to die here? Like this? Burning up? Maybe they set me on fire? I choked trying to breathe and started gasping. The hand moved away causing me to scream at the changing sensation. 

Red and orange flashed in a faster pattern when I tried to widen my eyes to see. I jerked and wailed in agony as someone grabbed my arm and pulled it up. I tried to back away, but a needle stabbed into my arm too quickly and my movement just made it worse. The needle was removed, and my arm dropped listlessly beside me. I choked again and tried to cough away what was stuck in my throat. I could hear Gothmog speaking to Tar-Mairon in a harsh tone, but I couldn’t make out the words. Did Tar-Mairon or Gothmog kill me? Where would I go if this was hell? I tried to slam my head back into the bed to reach the darkness again, but it didn’t work and instead I screamed more. 

I stilled and suppressed my screams to small whimpers as I heard whispering in my ear. I didn’t know what it was. Is it the language we heard? Why doesn’t it sound like Tar-Mairon or Gothmog. My head was tilted back slightly, and I groaned as fire rippled through my entire body. What a pretty language. I don’t think we know this one. The whispers increased in speed and I could feel myself start to move away from the pain. The pain was still everywhere, and I think my body was on fire as the warm colors became brighter and I moved farther away from sensation. I think I stopped making noise. I could feel pain, but I couldn’t feel my body anymore. No arms, no legs, no fingers or toes. It was just me moving farther and farther away only feeling pain that was getting fainter as the whispers softened. What’s is happening to me? What did they do?


	32. Christmas Fun Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! A second update in one day! BUT ACTUALLY READ THIS NOTE: THIS IS NOT A REAL CHAPTER. THIS A FUN CHRISTMAS SPOOF CHAPTER. DON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY WITH THE STORY! Also Gothmog=Kosmoko Also there are hints for things that may occur in the future of the story. Be excited! find the hints

I reached very slowly and almost imperceptibly poked Kosmoko. He turned his fiery red gaze on me.

“Airawende” he said his eyes narrowing “You want to say something.” I nodded and attempted to untangle my nerves. 

“Airawende!” I turned in surprise to see Haldamire across the cavern in the doorway looking excited. She was almost never allowed to come visit me here. Kosmoko didn’t like it. I glanced down at him to try and gage his anger at this interruption.

“Haldamire and if it isn’t Tar-Mairon” He said standing and setting his hand on my shoulder gently. He was much better at controlling his strength after all these years. Tar-Mairon began speaking in the language that Haldamire and I couldn’t understand pushing past Haldamire in the doorway to approach Kosmoko.

“Ridiculous” Kosmoko finally spat in the language we could all understand.

“Why not be indulgent? Things are too boring for them. They still experience time like mortals and require unusual distractions or risk insanity” Tar-Mairon said smoothly. I saw my frown mirrored on   
Haldamire’s face as she looked at Tar-Mairon. What is he talking about? Insanity? 

“You know this…festival…as well Airawende?” Kosmoko asked me searching my face. I looked away to Haldamire in confusion. Christmas she mouthed to me looking excited. I felt my heart skip a beat and confusion rise up simultaneously. 

“Well Airawende” He asked impatiently as Tar-Mairon gave a somewhat encouraging and frightening smile. 

“well yes, of course, I know it. Very famous festival where we come from” I said quickly looking between all three of them.

“We will celebrate it” Tar-Mairon announced putting his hands together. I could see Haldamire do a little jig behind Tar-Mairon in excitement and I looked at Kosmoko in uncertainty. Would he celebrate it too? 

“I don’t remember agreeing to this.” Kosmoko glared at Tar-Mairon. I turned a wounded expression up to him. 

“please” I whispered beseechingly. 

“Sit here with Haldamire” Kosmoko ordered storming past all of us. Tar-Mairon smiled at me before turning and following him. Haldamire turned and watched them leave before rushing to me.

“I’m sure Tar-Mairon will convince him!” she said grabbing my hands. I was afraid of the hope and excitement I felt bubbling up. 

“I don’t know. Gothmog is stubborn” I said withdrawing my hands.

“And Tar-Mairon is very convincing” Haldamire said her smile refusing to fall. I sat down on one of the chairs. 

“how can you remain so stupidly optimistic? What don’t you understand?” I bit out staring down at the floor. Haldamire sat down smile dimmed.

“Not everything has to be bad Chloe!” Haldamire exclaimed looking irritated.

“Are you crazy? Using English when they could hear!“ I said reprimanding her in shock.

“Fine, Airawende. Don’t be so soul crushingly negative. Tar-Mairon will convince him. I’m sure he’s not soulless” She snapped. 

“He is soulless! And so is Tar-Mairon! You’ve fallen into a life of deceiving yourself about him and about them!” I hissed.

“Stop it Airawende. You just don’t want to accept living here. It’s not that bad anymore. It can even be good!” She argued firing up. 

“Because you have it easy!” I argued “You don’t know half of what goes on! Tar-Mairon isn’t interested in other things” 

“Other things? You think Tar-Mairon doesn’t hurt people like Gothmog does because he does! One time he even killed an orc very slowly in our rooms!” She responded looking infuriated. 

“You niave little fool” I glared at her. 

“Now children, let us not worry about inflicting suffering today” Tar-Mairon said airily from the doorway. We both looked over at him. Kosmoko was standing behind looking on with an inscrutable expression.

“We will celebrate this preposterous tradition of yours.” He said staring at me. I stared back not understanding at first. Haldamire grabbed my elbow pulling me up. I shot her a look still upset with her foolish enjoyment of life here, but she just smirked back looking extremely pleased. 

I have no idea why Airawende must be so difficult. We can’t change anything, and they aren’t so bad. Well at least now that I know how to act and what to tell Tar-Mairon about science. It’s not all that bad working on experiments. 

“Haldamire, come and bring Airawende with you. Gothmog will come later” Tar-Mairon said beckoning me with a hand. I grabbed her hand despite her trying to jerk it out reach and pulled her along after me. I tried to smile at her as we followed Tar-Mairon through the winding passageways, but she just sighed shaking her head. Why couldn’t she just trust something good might happen for once. Maybe she’s just bored and has nothing to do all day. 

“Well we do not have those trees you described in Angband, but this should substitute.” Tar-Mairon said pushing open the door.   
I beamed feeling Airawende squeeze my hand. It was ugly looking, but it would in fact do. I wonder what all Tar-Mairon would do of the things I told him about. I doubt he’ll sing us Christmas hymns because of all of the English and I’m not really sure how much I could remember of them. There was a fire going and I guess that was reminiscent, but it is not ever cold here. Except in the dungeons. I think they make it cold on purpose there. Why does Airawende have to be like that! She’s glaring at Tar-Mairon suspiciously like he’s planning on murdering someone. She doesn’t glare at Gothmog that way anymore. Or at least not where he can see I would wager. 

“Have a drink Airawende” Tar-Mairon pushed a glass of wine into her hand ignoring her look. I let go of her other to take another glass from Tar-Mairon. I frowned in alarm at Airawende as she tossed it back rather quickly. She obviously doesn’t realize how strong Tar-Mairon’s wine is. I remember the time he got me drunk on half a glass. Maybe it could help her relax a bit just so long as it doesn’t make her speak her mind. 

I sat down carefully gesturing for Airawende to sit next to me trying to give her a friendly smile when she did. She shook her head rolling her eyes, but I could the faint smile appearing. She was getting happier.

“Let’s get this nonsense over with” I jumped up nearly spilling my wine hearing Gothmog’s voice from the doorway. He was holding things. 

“Patience. Don’t you know time increases pleasure and feelings of excitement” Tar-Mairon said in a funny mix of playful and scolding as he also sat down. I stared in shock at Airawende as she gave him a smile. I bit my nail thoughtfully wondering if she was a supreme actress or if he was a different Gothmog then the one she called soulless earlier. “Don’t do that Haldamire” Tar-Mairon sighed tapping his fingers on the chair arm. 

“Take this” He said carefully placing the package he carried into Airawende’s hands. I yelped dropping my wine glass as he carelessly dropped a second onto me. “Clumsy child” he muttered. How abrupt. 

“Leave it, someone will bring a new rug later” Tar-Mairon said scowling at Gothmog. 

“Isn’t the point of this holiday to open them?” Gothmog said sitting down like he wasn’t comfortable sitting. 

“Well no, its actually..” I began before Tar-Mairon cut me off.

“No need to go into all the details you explained to me before” He said waving a hand. I exchanged a look with Airawende. 

“can you call us by our real names?” Airawende began and then quickly amended as both looked at her “Today, just for today or I mean for right now.” Tar-Mairon tilted his head sideways. Was he actually considering this? 

“that is something important isn’t Chloe? Are you going to give us something of equal value in return?” Gothmog questioned.

“That’s not the point of the festival though” I argued feebly as he glared at me wishing I had not gotten involved. 

“Come now, only for a short time” Tar-Mairon finally said eyes appraisingly on Airawende. 

I stared back at Tar-Mairon’s searching gaze in surprise. He agreed to my request. I snuck a sidelong glance at Kosmoko. He was leaning back in his chair watching us. He would want something later, especially for this.   
“Have some more wine Chloe” Tar-Mairon said emphasizing my name and gesturing to the wine flask. I stood quickly and took Haldamire’s empty glass to the desk. I filled them both with the dark liquid and took a drink before returning and handing Haldamire hers. She looked at me with some kind of weird happy expression. I smiled back feeling warm all over. I did not like this at all. I was becoming too relaxed. I was thinking about home again. I swore I wouldn’t. Damn Haldamire and her optimism. I would be happy for her. This is an event unlikely to have a reoccurrence. What game is Tar-Mairon playing? 

“Well open it Airawende” Kosmoko ordered me leaning forward. I looked down at the package I had set down by my feet to get wine. “and you Haldamire” he added looking at her briefly. I picked up baffled at the pieces of cloth stuck to it. Where did he get this cloth and how did he make it stick? That’s not important right now. I pulled on a piece of cloth and then yanked realizing how hard it was stuck on the box. I struggled for a moment to pull it off and looked up to see Haldamire tugging on hers as well. I could just imagine how impatiently Kosmoko was waiting.   
I opened the box and halted for a moment trying to figure out what it was. It was sparkly. He went all in with Ancalagon’s advice didn’t he? I lifted it out carefully. IT was heavier than I estimated looking at it.

“Do you like it?” He asked standing up and approaching me. I nodded still surprised. “Orange sapphires and rubies to match your hair” He said in explanation when I stared at him. Tar-Mairon was looking at us oddly so I could tell he wasn’t expecting this either. It was, in fact, orange sapphires and rubies set into a tiara looking thing of black metal. He took it out my hands and placed it gently on my head. I reached up and adjusted it to fit better murmured a quiet thank you. Haldamire was looking at my head and nodding giving me a thumbs up still excited. There was no way he made this in the extremely short time it took us to get here. Haldamire continued to struggle with her box. 

“Let me” Tar-Mairon said getting up as Kosmoko sat down again. Haldamire handed him her box with an exasperated expression. It had been difficult, but not that difficult. He finished ripping off the cloth before setting it back into her grip. She smiled at me pulling out a bracelet. It was the same dark metal as the tiara, but without gemstones. However, there very intricate designs carved throughout the metal. It was very beautiful.

“Thank you!” Haldamire exclaimed.

“Take these” Tar-Mairon said handing us both a very small box. I looked at Haldamire and she just shrugged. “what was the phrase again Leila? Merry Christmas?” Tar-Mairon asked giving one of those frightening smiles again. I knew he wasn’t really asking. I saw Kosmoko roll his eyes from behind Tar-Mairon at his words.

I opened the box puzzled at what could be so small. Oh, he gave us a ring.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope y'all all had a wonderful Christmas! I am really glad everyone seemed to enjoy that spoof Christmas chapter. I also have a question for my readers. It won't happen for a while yet, but how explicit or non-explicit do you want things to happen between characters? I might do something like keep T-rated, but make AO3 more explicit. I have not really decided yet so please leave an opinion on what y'all want. Enjoy

I blinked open my eyes feeling dazed. There was no more burning, but why was everything so unbalanced? I lifted my up a bit only to let it flop back down at the spinning sensation. I groaned putting a hand on my stomach at the terrible ripping sensation. It felt like my stomach was trying to eat itself. I jerked slightly as Gothmog came into view leaning over me. He set an overly warm hand on my cheek.

“Do you hear me Airawende?” He demanded. I made a sound of affirment and pain. I stared at him foggy with a cramping stomach and dizziness. I lifted my hand weakly and set it down on the hand that he had resting on my cheek.

“I’m so hungry” I whimpered. He looked back at me emotionlessly. I hated that so much. I wish he was easier to read.

“Very well, Airawende, I will send someone for something” He finally said removing his hand. I nodded trying and failing to smile watching as he disappeared out of my line of vision. I gripped my stomach as it made a loud gurgle and continued its painful path. I closed my eyes hoping to fall back asleep, but I was wide awake even if I was dizzy and confused. How long had I been sleeping and what was that agonizing memory? 

“Sit up and eat” Gothmog said coming back into view with an orc trailing him holding a tray. It set the tray in front of me and I winced at the loud clang of a eating utensil on the bowl. I struggled up on one elbow and weakly reached for the spoon. It looked like it was just soup broth. “Get out” I heard Gothmog snap and glanced up to see the orc hurrying away.

My arm was shaking badly and I couldn’t manage to keep any of the broth in the spoon. It kept shaking out before I lifted it very high. I dropped it suddenly crying out at sudden burst of intense pain in my stomach. 

“Stop being so weak” Gothmog said from where he was standing and staring at me struggle. 

“Do you think I’m doing this on purpose?” I wheezed out shock taking over my common sense. He didn’t seem to take any offense at my question and just barely tilted his head contemplatively. 

“I’m surprised you would still try and push limits. Mairon told me pain makes children temperamental, but have you not been disciplined away from that?” He finally answered. I lowered my eyes meekly trying to process his words with nausea roiling in my stomach from the smell of the broth. 

“I’m sorry” I finally bit out wincing as another sharp cramp hit me. “Please help me” I added quietly trying to keep my head up. 

“You will be stronger if I don’t” he answered staying where he was observing everything. I tried to blink away the dizziness, but it only made me feel more dizzy. I reached again for the spoon trying to force my hand to stillness. I was able to get at least some broth up. I think the best food I’ve ever eaten. I dropped the spoon with a loud clang as my stomach decided to twist with pain. The bowl tipped over at my jerky movement of putting a hand on my stomach and spilled its contents across the bed. 

I stared at the spilled broth on the covers my heart in my throat and hunger pangs ripping through me. I let out a cry of dismay upon touching the damp spot. 

“You clumsy fool” Gothmog said his body glowing in what I guessed was irritation. I let out a little noise of distress still staring in horror at the empty flipped over bowl. “You must not be that hungry if you let your food disappear so carelessly” he continued as I turned terrified eyes on him. 

“No, please” I said feeling moisture begin to gather in my eyes. Upon his refusal to get more I felt myself begin to cry. 

“Cease at once Airawende” he ordered narrowing his eyes. I tried to halt and suck in a deep breath, but it was unsuccessful and just caused me to cry harder. 

“please, I’m so hungry” I begged my stomach growling and twisting inside. 

“cease your incessant noise making” he snapped and I could feel more heat start to emanate off of his increased glow. Fear made me start trying to concentrate on calming down. I closed my eyes as my head spun around in circles and tightened my hand into a fist around some of the blankets. 

“Well you have learned something at least” Gothmog said after I stopped crying as his glow decreased. We looked at each other in silence a moment before he turned and went back across the cavern to the door. Hope and despair warred in my mind as I wondered if he left to bring more food. I laid back down completely as I waited trying to suppress the nausea roiling in me. 

I hadn’t realized I fell back asleep until I heard Gothmog speaking my name in front of me. He grabbed one of my hands, gentler than usual, and placed something in it. I blinked trying to reawaken my mind. I was holding a piece of bread. My stomach let out a loud gurgle and I sat up quickly. I choked upon the fresh wave of dizziness from the speedy movement. I looked at the bread in mild surprise and then wasted no time showing it bit my bit into my mouth. 

It was gone much too quickly, but my stomach didn’t hurt so much anymore. It still was twisting and sending shots of pain into me, but not near to level it had before I ate. 

“Thank you” I finally muttered quietly glancing up at Gothmog where he had returned to his observational spot. 

“I have things to do Airawende. Wait upon my return” His red eyes bored into mine a moment before he turned.

“W..wait” I stuttered out.  
“Talking, yet again, without my leave Airawende” he turned back to me and felt myself freeze up in terror. “Go on” he said waving a hand. 

“I will be bored with nothing to do” I squirmed under his intense gaze. I was surprised he wasn’t furious with me after what he said. He looked at me and then down at the bed. 

“Very well, I will send someone to help you and bring you to me soon” he turned and I didn’t dare say anything else as he disappeared for the third time today out of the cavern.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!! I want to say thank you again for all of the reviews! They really encourage me to keep writing!! :D Also EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!!!!! TORTURE WARNING TORTURE WARNING TORTURE WARNING.

I peered at Tar-Mairon from my doorway observing his dissection. Fluffy was laying curled up on the blankets looking as content as could be. I know he knows that I’m watching him. I winced as he lifted up some organ and separated it from the rest. I don’t even want to know what he was dissecting to have large organs like that. 

“We used to dissect frogs, rats, and once a cat in biology class” I said before even realizing I was speaking out loud. That was weird. Like the words came unbidden to mouth. Tar-Mairon looked at me considering and then held out a scalpel in my direction backwards. 

“Then come assist me” he said smiling. I looked back at my fluff ball and then approached Tar-Mairon and felt the cool metal slide into my palm. 

“It was some time ago” I said fidgeting nervously. What I did something wrong and he got angry?

“Just follow my instructions” he said smoothly turning back to his table and gesturing me to approach. I felt slightly ill looking at everything. It didn’t have that chemical smell like in biology class. It smelled like blood and something else I wasn’t sure what to call. 

“What is it?” I asked almost afraid to hear his answer. Why did I volunteer my dissection knowledge? 

“That’s not relevant for you to know” he said in a very strangely cheerful voice. I could feel the blood leave my face in a rush. 

“It isn’t Chloe is it?” I whispered for a moment unreasonably terrified. I realized my mistake and that, of course, it wasn’t Airawende he was dissecting. Tar-Mairon looked at me slowly tapping the scalpel very slowly against his lower lip. 

“Do you remember what you have been warned would happen if you and Airawende dared to speak that language again?” In his eyes danced cruel flames. I gasped and put my hand over my mouth. I, in fact, remembered with crystal clarity the needle and thread. 

“Please don’t” I breathed out terrified at the look in his eyes. He set the scalpel down. I couldn’t believe he looked almost amused not angry. 

“It would cause certain complications in speaking with you about your world, but it would heal after the thread is removed. Eventually anyway and you’ll find I am very patient.” he said like we were talking about the weather or something mundane. 

“Please don’t” I repeated hand still over my mouth. I took a step back nervously with wide eyes. 

“I don’t make idle threats Haldamire” he said softly with a benign smile lighting his features. 

“I believe you” I squeaked out my voice going really high pitched in fear. 

“you won’t believe it anymore if I don’t follow through” his smile still played at the corners of his mouth. 

“I will. I will.” I insisted backing away again. 

“No you won’t. Not really. You’ll always believe an exception may be possible and take too many liberties in the future” He countered staying where he was still smiling, but with fire lit in his fearsome gaze. 

“I swear I won’t” I said in a pleading tone backing into the wall. I shook with fright and avoided Tar-Mairon’s penetrating stare. 

“Come now, little one, this will be for your future benefit” He said in a patronizing tone tilting his head slightly. 

“It will leave scars. You don’t like that” I argued weakly sliding down the wall. 

“nonsense, after a couple of months there will be no trace” He tapped his fingers lightly on the dissection table and spun around. I stayed where I was sitting awkwardly, hand over my mouth tightly, watching him move over to a cabinet like thing and ruffle around. I couldn’t help the little moan of fright escape my lips when he pulled out needles. Why does he even have that in his cabinet? For science? 

“Tar-Mairon, please this isn’t necessary” I whimpered muffled from behind my hand. 

“Come here Haldamire” Tar-Mairon responded in a gentle, almost fatherly tone as he put his free hand down on a chair. I shook my head tears forming. “Haldamire” he said in an almost sing-song voice. I forced myself to stand. How much worse would it be if I resisted? 

“please no” I tried again anxiously shifting my weight.

“Haldamire, I can wait here forever. You cannot and eventually you will come to this chair be it your will or mine. I suggest you make this as easy as possible for yourself” He said consolingly with another smile tugging at his mouth. 

“I’m scared.” My voice shook with the words. 

“The pain will be temporary, Haldamire, I promise you that, but the lesson will remain forever.” He explained like I was a child. He was acting like he was going to smack my hand not sew my mouth closed! I closed my eyes shivering. When I opened them Tar-Mairon was gazing back at me. The cruel flames in his eyes looking eerily out of place on his gentle expression. I fidgeted looking down submissively hoping it might convince to change his mind. 

I stayed where I was for several long moments. Tar-Mairon was still in the same place and position he had been when I looked away. He really wasn’t going to bother forcing me to sit. Why would he? He knows I have to go there eventually.   
I don’t know how long I stayed where I was, glaring down at the floor, unmoving. I felt all my tears spend themselves until I didn’t think I could cry more even if I wanted to. What was it Tar-Mairon said? Pain is temporary, but lesson is forever? So even if he did sew my mouth shut it obviously would be for a short time. Temporary. It will be over soon. I hope. Just temporary. Like that time I broke my femur falling out of my treehouse. It hurt for a long while, but now I couldn’t even hardly remember what it felt like. I swallowed glancing up again to see Tar-Mairon lazily leaning against the chair flames lighting up in his gaze. 

“Will it take long?” I whispered hugging myself. 

“Haldamire, don’t you know by now? I am very efficient. When I want to be” He added the last almost as an afterthought. I felt dread sink into my stomach. Does that mean he doesn’t want to be fast or he will be fast? I need to get this over with. Pain is temporary. Like he said. Like he promised. 

I moved as fast as I could and practically threw myself into the chair folding in on myself. Tar-Mairon patted my head and moved in front of me. I trembled as he crouched down with the needle and thread in one of his hands. His other hand slipped under my chin and gently angled up my face towards his. 

I whimpered and closed my eyes feeling the thin cold piece of metal rest on my upper lip. I tried to jerk away feeling it pierce into the sensitive flesh, but Tar-Mairon was holding my face in a secure grip. I gripped the arms of the chair as hard as I could feeling them go numb, but it didn’t hardly distract from the abhorrent sensation of thread. I weird agonized sound bubbled past my lips and Tar-Mairon let out tsking sound. 

I tried to even my breathing as best I could. Each choked or labored breath out of my body stretched the thread he had in place. I could feel the needle acutely every time it pierced into me. Tar-Mairon wasn’t lying when he said he was efficient. He was halfway across my mouth when the pain became so intense I felt dizzy. I could barely concentrate on controlling my breaths. 

I tried to jerk my head away again at a particularly painful piercing of the needle, but his grip somehow managed to keep me completely still. If only I could scream, but that would be a terrible agonizing mistake. My breath hitched a little and the movement my mouth took to accommodate the noise pain flashed through everywhere across my mouth that Tar-Mairon had sewn. I trembled, but Tar-Mairon did not allow it to affect the stillness of my head. I opened my eyes and tried to blink away the watery layer when I felt him tying it off. I winced as he gave a little tug the thread. 

“Was that so terrible Haldamire?” He asked resting a gentle hand on my cheek a light smile resting on his perfect features. I just stared at him reaching up an uncontrollably shaking hand to feel my face. 

I gasped loudly feeling nothing. In disbelief I ran my hand over my mouth several times. This wasn’t real? This entire time? I didn’t know if I should feel relief or anger. I gave Tar-Mairon a baleful look and he laughed removing his hand from my cheek and standing up. I could still feel the pain of the needle going in and out and in and out over and over. 

I tried to speak, but felt agonizing pain rip across my lips. I felt them again eyes watering, but there no thread. Nothing was there. 

“I make no idle threats Haldamire, but neither do I need you physically damaged yet. However, I will allow the pain of the punishment to fester in your mind for a few days. Don’t make the same mistake. Or any, if you wish to live painlessly.” He said in a gentle instructional tone. I stared up at him. He didn’t really sew my mouth shut, but nonetheless I still couldn’t speak. I pulled my legs up to the chair and wrapped my arms around them feeling very small and helpless next to Tar-Mairon’s very tall figure. 

“Go think a while in your room, but don’t take too long. I’ve summoned Hutare to tend to you. I wish to show you to other maiar” I stayed where I was sitting as I felt Tar-Mairon run his hand gently through my hair. When he made no movements afterwards, I stood and rushed to my room. 

I shut the door gently, so as not to incur either anger or amusement from slamming it, and slid down to the floor. Fluffy stuck his head up from the bed and with a snuffle jumped down. He trotted over to me and I lifted him into my lap carefully. He curled down and I pet him gently wondering who Hutare was.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I am so sorry this is way, way later then I promised. It has been very crazy lately and very sad. My poor baby Charlie has gone lame in his back foot and one of the other horses at the barn almost went into congestive heart failure the night before last and the vet was at the barn all night. He's alive, but not feeling well. I will try to post more frequently as things settle down. Please Enjoy.

I glared down at the floor trying to suppress the hurt emanating from my chest. Our teacher had come in, but when I tried to speak to her she just frantically hushed me. Every time I tried to speak she still cut me off. Just because I was forced to be here didn’t mean I was a different person. 

I tried to catch her eye, but she pushed my head back forward and tugged slightly on the braid she was making. Unfortunately my hair is a lot longer than it was when we first arrived. I wish I could cut it a bit shorter, but I don’t think I will be allowed to. 

“you..u” I began, but she shushed me, yet again. I scowled trying to cover the bewilderment and hurt that I was feeling. I felt her drop the braid against my back and then looked up as she moved in front of me. She held a finger to her lips looking panicked and then gestured me to get up. I followed her near the bed where she had set down fabrics on the floor. She picked up a honey colored robe and held next to me for a moment before shaking her head and trying again. She finally settled on a dark red one, but without any designs. She wrapped it around me very efficiently tying it off in a loose fashion. 

She placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and nodded towards the door. I narrowed my eyes at her and she just shook her head looking frazzled. I stormed towards the door before realizing I had no idea where to go to and waited for her to catch up feeling awkward. I trailed her still scowling. She gave me a sympathetic look and put her finger over her lips shaking her head. Did Gothmog bully her into being quiet with me? I hate him so much. 

I crashed into her back as we exited the cavern. I muttered an “ow” and looked up to see the teacher shaking. 

“I want to speak with Airawende. You may return in a moment” I looked past her and felt surprise stiffen my body catching Langon’s unnatural pitch black eyes.

“N..no. You cannot. He will kill all of us. He is waiting” The teacher whimpered looking terrified and confused. 

“You needn’t worry about that, slave, he has no sense of mortal time. Now get out of here and if you breathe a word of this to anyone, I’ll have your intestines pulled out one by one.” He said cheerfully. The teacher bolted back in the cavern sparing me a pitying glance. 

“What are you doing here?” I asked morbidly curious at his presence. He must be pretty brave to risk Gothmog’s wrath. 

“Is that any way to speak to your superior? So disrespectfully?” He smiled showing sharp teeth, but with his eyes just pitch black it was hard to read anything from him. 

“You can’t do anything to me. You’re not even supposed to be here” I didn’t know where I got the bravery to say that, but I wish I didn’t say it in such a frightened and unsure tone.

“Can’t do anything to you now, of course, but we maiar have such long memories. Especially of insults and denials” he said reaching out and running a long pale finger down my cheek. I couldn’t help the shudder that passed through me and shied away. Why do I always say the wrong things? Should I apologize? I felt torn and just looked at him helplessly feeling lost. 

“I came here to give you a message from Mairon.” He said idly by way of explanation. I waited, but he didn’t say anything more. I felt my eyebrows pinch together in confusion. 

“What message?” I asked finally, curiosity becoming too much and feeling nervous about how long we were taking. What if the teacher was right and Langon was wrong about Gothmog’s sense of time? Would he kill me too? Just for talking to Langon. In a stupid conversation I didn’t even initiate. This place was so unfair. 

“That’s not how you should be asking me. Or even speaking” Langon said giving another sharp smile. “you might be a little pet of Gothmog’s, but you are not of the Maiar. You are beneath us. As a friendly warning, not all maiar are as kind and accommodating as I.” 

“I’m sorry”. I muttered giving him a sulky glare. He still couldn’t do anything to me now, but I sure didn’t want him to hold a grudge. 

“Kneel at my feet and I’ll give you the message” he laughed. I felt a flash of anger rise up through me. Is this a game to him? I refused to look at him as I kneeled down so he didn’t see the irritation. “How Tar-Mairon taught you, little one” He added when I stayed just on my knees. I tried to smooth out my features so he couldn’t see how much I hated this. I kneeled over with my forehead almost touching the floor and my palms, flat, resting in front of head. 

I jerked slightly in surprise feeling his hand pat my hair and realized he was crouching down next to me. “Endure and learn” He whispered placing his hand on the back of my head and pushing it down on the floor. After a few seconds he released me and I rose shakily thinking about what he said. That was it? All that for two words. I looked around and realized Langon had managed to vanish again. How did he do that? I could feel my body deflating. Why did I say I would be bored? I don’t want to see Gothmog or interact with him anymore then I have to. Maybe I could convince the teacher I was sick. I looked towards the door. I could escape. She wouldn’t come for me because of Langon and he said Gothmog had a bad sense of time. Or maybe I could try and find Haldamire. I could feel pain emanating across my entire body and dismissed the thoughts. Maybe when I am more healed. I guess there was no option but to get her and go.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Enjoy this chapter! Let me know what you think. I'm going to start speeding up the plot a bit now.

I was lost and terrified in my room. He said he summoned Hutare to take care of me and not to think too long in my room. Would she come in here or was I supposed to go out there? I don’t want to get hurt for making another mistake. I leaned my head against Fluffy’s fur. He was very warm. The indecision and fear warred together in my mind so I punched the floor. I sucked in a deep breath making sure not to do anything that would make me feel the imaginary thread. I hit harder then I should have. I shook my hand out staring at the red across the knuckles. 

I jumped at an insistent knock on my door. Was this Hutare? Oh please don’t let me be in trouble for taking too long to come out. I shook Fluffy off my lap and quickly opened the door. It was a beautiful one, but not a scary one. She must be like the teacher. I looked her up and down and she did the same. She looked extremely nervous to be here. I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t. She urged me inside and closed the door behind us. 

“I’m Hutare” She said quietly moving over to the chair. I nodded trying to give a trembling smile. I sat down and winced at how many tangles were in my hair as she pulled a brush through it. 

“You don’t speak” She asked quietly looking at my eyes through the mirror. I stared at her in surprise. She did not know about what Tar-Mairon did. “Sorry, I did not mean to offend you! Please don’t tell Tar-Mairon” she wailed dropping the brush and falling to her knees. I felt panic rip through me. What could I say to make her stop? I waved my hands erratically trying to fix everything completely baffled. What did she think I would possibly say to Tar-Mairon about her. 

“Speaking hurts” I pushed out starting to cry as I felt the thread moving and pulling my mouth closed when I forced words out. She stared at me with pity starting to fill in her eyes. 

“He cursed you did he?” She asked standing and brushing my hair again. I nodded trembling and the aftereffect of the pain. “You must have overstepped your bounds in some way. That or he was maybe bored” She suggested quietly setting down the brush and braiding my hair. I gave a noncommittal shrug my eyes still watering. She finished rather quickly. She had braided two pieces of my air back on either side and left the rest falling. I stared at the blue ombre hues in the mirror. It was so long ago that Chloe and I had dyed our hair for the Renaissance festival. It hadn’t changed colors since we came here or even faded a little. I don’t know what magic this place holds, but even the hair that has grown out since we have been here has been of the same colors. Just like everything else about us that day. It all somehow remained. I felt my eyes where it looked like eyeshadow was, but it just felt like normal skin. Maybe this was just somehow Tar-Mairon. I didn’t really think so, but you can never tell with him. 

“You don’t have many color options” Hutare said quietly opening my closet “It is all his colors”. She pulled something out anyway. I wonder why she didn’t just say Tar-Mairon’s name. “Are you Edain? You look Edain, but also not.” Hutare asked curiously with her eyes on the door. I shrugged not knowing the answer to her question. I hadn’t met any of these so called “Edains” yet, but maybe they are humans too. “Are you immortal?” She tried again. I looked at her and shook my head. I don’t care what Tar-Mairon says, but I don’t believe those injections will change our life-span. “Then you must be Edain” she said helping me change into Tar-Mairon’s colors. Hutare was the most talkative person I’ve ever met here. I could be asking so many questions if this hadn’t happened! 

“I’m sorry, but he ordered you must” Hutare said giving me an apologetic look holding up a collar and a leash. I recognized it from before. I scowled, but took it and mutinously tied it around my throat. I tried to hand the leash to Hutare, but she backed away looking terrified. “Oh no no no. I’m not allowed. I would be killed. You have to hold it until we get to him and then hand it to him.” She said looking alarmed. She looked around the room suspiciously and I did the same, but with a fair amount of confusion. Who did she think could possibly get in here without us noticing? “Let’s go quickly. Wouldn’t want to make him wait” Hutare said quietly again and left the room. I followed Hutare as best I could, but she was making it difficult with her speed. A loud cacophony of yelps and shouting seemed the be approaching from in front of us. Hutare looked back at me with alarm and grabbed arm. She shoved me to the side of the hallway and stood next to me. 

“Look down” She hissed as the noise grew steadily louder “Don’t make unnecessary eye contact”. I looked at the floor steadily glancing over at Hutare to see she was doing the same thing as me and had frozen completely. I tremble wracked through me uncontrollably as I tried to not to look up. I could tell now it was a group of orcs. The noise increased and I shook again realizing it was because they saw us. I screamed as one pulled my arm and then almost dropped as my mouth caught on fire. Hutare started yelling and ripped out a paper she had shoved in her shirt. I watched tears running down my cheeks from how painful it was to scream as he opened the paper and the started barking orders at the others around. The one holding my arm released it and Hutare pulled me to her. She said something sounding frightened and held out her hand. I looked up at the monstrosity holding her paper. He set it down in her hand, but spit next to her and growled something out. 

Hutare gripped my arm hard and pulled me away. I looked back the orcs terror on my face and they laughed and jeered at us leaving. Hutare yelped and sped up as one smacked her hard when we passed. I stared at her in horror. Why couldn’t I speak dammit! She practically raced us down the corridors and down two flights of stairs before slowing her speed. I was panting hard struggling to make sure I didn’t open my mouth enough to hurt. “Almost there” she whispered. I nodded. I hated the feeling of relief that swelled in me at the news. Tar-Mairon hurt me very badly, but at least he wouldn’t do anything like the orcs. I suppose he had a reason. I shook my head sharply to dispel the thought. No reason strong enough for what he did. I’m becoming too accustomed to this place to be offering justifications for Tar-Mairon’s actions. 

Hutare pulled me to a stop. She gestured for me to go in quietly. I looked at her and nodded towards the door. She shook her head quickly and pushed me towards it. I didn’t want to go in alone. I looked at her fearfully and she looked back shaking her head. I put my hand on the door and it swung open almost instantly. Hutare backed away from the open the door and I just stared in surprised at the sudden entrance. 

“Haldamire” Tar-Mairon almost purred from across the room. I looked around the room slightly terrified of the fiery being in the corner. It was so big and there were wings of fire attached to its back. I tried to walk as fast I could over to Tar-Mairon. He smiled as I handed him the leash. “Leaving so soon Hutare?” Tar-Mairon asked a chilling smile lighting up his beautiful face. I looked up at Tar-Mairon in surprise. I shivered despite the heat emanating from the winged demon in the corner. What did he want with Hutare? Hutare came to the entrance looking utterly terrified. She seemed torn between responding or staying silent. 

“Yes, Hutare. Why don’t you stay? I need a drink” I felt all the blood drain out of my face at the horrible familiarity of the feminine voice. It was the Thuringwethil. Hutare must have had similar feelings because she started to cry as the dark lady approached her. I reached out blindly, still looking at Hutare, and tugged insistently on Tar-Mairon’s sleeve. 

“Do you have something to say, little one?” Tar-Mairon asked silkily wrapping the leashed around his hand several times. I shook my head trembling and pointing urgently at Hutare and Thuringwethil. He simply smiled at me and looked over towards them. I tugged at his sleeve again, but he didn’t react to it. I whipped around hearing Hutare let out a squeal of pain. I pushed my head against Tar-Mairon forcefully. I couldn’t look. Poor Hutare. I put a hand up to my neck feeling the ghost bite of Thuringwethil on it. I pushed my head harder against Tar-Mairon continuing to tug on his sleeve. 

“Cease, Haldamire” He ordered without looking at me. I stopped tugging his sleeve and pushing him instantly, but continued to lean into him. I didn’t want to look at Hutare. The pained whimpering is enough to horrify me permanently. I don’t need the accompanying visual. Surely Tar-Mairon wouldn’t allow Thuringwethil to kill her. 

“So this is your anomaly? Lord Mairon” I peeked up at the new voice. I tried to back away terrified at the sight in front of us. It was more warped then the orcs were. 

“Yes, she is.” Tar-Mairon tugged me forward with the leash and I quivered trying to look away feeling its eyes on me. I can’t even properly describe the shadowy terror in front of us. “Don’t be so impolite Haldamire” Tar-Mairon said in scolding tone looking amused. 

“Be careful or else your terrify her too much to speak to anyone” I jerked in surprise and turned towards someone I had definitely seen before. The one Tar-Mairon called a Langon that day he broke he feet. 

“Langon” Tar-Mairon said cordially raising an eyebrow at him. I looked between them confused. 

“I have done what you asked. With pleasure I might add” Langon said and Tar-Mairon nodded. I shrank bank into Tar-Mairon as the shadow monster let out a grunt. 

“She wouldn’t shy away so much if you were not being overly indulgent” He said in an almost critical tone to Tar-Mairon. I looked up at Tar-Mairon feeling danger spark out in the situation, but all Tar-Mairon did was laugh. 

“You lack finesse” Tar-Mairon said finally with another chilling smile of amusement. I peeked over towards the door and felt my heart drop seeing Hutare’s body lying still on the floor. I quickly glanced around the room searching for Thuringwethil, but did not see her anywhere. I looked at Langon and then at Hutare. He followed my gaze towards the door. 

“She isn’t dead” he said lazily and I let out a sigh of relief. Would someone come help her? Take her to her room? 

“Langon, I need you to do one more thing for me” Tar-Mairon said interrupting my train of thought. Langon leaned in close to hear Tar-Mairon. The shadowy monster let out another grunt and left. Was he irritated with them? I gasped hearing Chloe’s name and tried to hear what they were saying. Whose Maedhros? Is he another monster? He wants Chloe to go see him without Gothmog. I gave Langon a suspicious look as he bowed to Tar-Mairon and disappeared.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope all is well. The weather here has been totally unusual and a bit violent. And so many things have happened! Had my first hunt seat show competition and somehow I drew the most violent horse. He tried to kick people, he took off running in my walk/trot only division and refused to halt or slow down, then he tried to bite the horse in front of us. On the positive, I will never forget my first showing and my coach has a really funny photo of Jimmy pulling his lips back to bite the horse in front of us. lol Also I had zero idea Chloe's name meant what it meant until I googled it. As a second also, since several people have mentioned they prefer the story not to speed up I will keep it at its current pace. You just have to promise that if y'all start getting bored or want it to speed then tell me. Now after this unusually long authors note, please enjoy!

The teacher kept giving me frightened glances as we walked the halls. It was so spacious in this area and emptier then other places that I’ve seen. I’m not sure if Langon is trying to help me or antagonize Gothmog. Did he really bring a message from Tar-Mairon or was that a lie? He doesn’t seem quite as violent as the others, but it could be a mask to incite trust. 

“How far is this walk going to be?” I moaned looking up at the ceiling. The teacher just shot me a look of exasperation. I swear that every time we go somewhere we end up walking several miles. I don’t know how this place can be so big. It really hurts my feet to be walking so much so soon. 

“Please can we stop a minute?” I asked already crouching down and then sitting in the middle of the hallway. I pulled one of my feet to me and took off the shoe. Blood was seeping through the whip wounds and staining the shoe fabric on the bottom. The teacher looked at my feet and gave me a sad expression before sitting next to me. She pulled my other foot into her lap and tore a piece of fabric off of her dress. I yelped and pulled back slightly as she began to tightly wrap my foot. She set it down gently and I let her wrap the other one. She finished and I pulled my other foot to me and leaned my head back. I sat with my head back and eyes closed until the teacher rested a hand on my shoulder. She nodded towards where we had been walking. 

“Must we?” I asked really regretting saying that I would be bored doing nothing all day. She gave a nod and helped me up. We began walking down the passageways again. It remained surprisingly empty. I was sure there were a lot of beings in this place.

“Shouldn’t we run into other people or…things?” I asked hesitantly. The teacher stopped and turned assessing me curiously. She pointed at me and shrugged. 

“What does that mean?” I asked baffled and she just shook her head turning back around. The walk back is going to be even worse than this is on my feet. I can’t believe I was so dumb. It could have been just my hands if I had pulled myself together and didn’t piss him off again. I could be so dunderheaded sometimes. I limped after her. Fortunately the bandages mitigated much of the pain. 

These excessively long walks give me too much time to think about the same things over and over again. Like how cursed Haldamire and I must be. The teacher turned back to me again suddenly and put a finger to her lip. I rolled my eyes, but nodded in understanding anyway. She pointed at me and then herself before making an exaggerated bowing gesture. I cocked my head at her and repeated the gesture. She huffed and pointed down the rest of the hall before repeating the gesture. 

“I got it. Bow when we see him” I said trying not to give her the impression she should be worried about my behavior. She nodded looking relieved and grabbed my arm pulling me along until we came upon more doors. She knocked softly. Would anyone even hear that through the material? My question was quickly answered as someone opened the door. I blinked as heat and light assaulted our vision. The teacher let out a soft whimper and I gasped with a hand over my mouth. It was the same fire creature Haldamire and I had seen before. It towered far above us. It was almost brushing the ceiling. I tried to suck in the scream that wanted out. It was far worse than the orcs were up close. I stared at it in horror frozen in terror. 

Only the sharp jab from the Teacher’s elbow shook me out my paralysis. I fell to my knees with the teacher briefly thinking about the time Haldamire had done almost the exact same thing when we were supposed to bow to Tar-Mairon. I closed my eyes trying to push the image of the demon out my mind. It really cannot be anything else. 

“Airawende” I closed my eyes tightly for a second hearing Gothmog call my name before looking up. He looked like himself. Maybe he wasn’t one of the fire things and I simply imagined it the first time. He beckoned me with a gesture and I glanced at the teacher briefly before shakily standing up and trying very hard not to look at the fire demon. I sucked in a breath seeing more of them scattered around the room. I approached cautiously trying to avoid getting close to any demons. I wiped away sweat forming across my face. The mere proximity was starting to redden my skin. I hesitated in front of him wondering if I should bow again.

“No need for that” He said when I started to move then looked to the teacher “You may go.” She stood keeping her head bowed and backed out of the room. I could feel sweat dripping down my body from how hot it was in here. I used my sleeve to rub away more sweat trickling down my forehead. I stared at him, frightened, when his red eyes caught on to mine. He reached out and ran a finger down my face looking both irritated and mildly disgusted at the sweat. I stopped the words at the tip of my tongue remembering his warning and my feet. 

“You can learn then, little one” He said looking over me “Take your other forms. Immediately” He said to the demons. I quickly glanced over and realized they were all looking at us. I could feel my limbs freeze in place at the pervasive fear emanating from just their presence. I involuntarily looked down as the heat suddenly decreased scared of the demons. I forced myself to quickly glance up again to see what their “other forms” were and accidently backed into Gothmog at the close proximity of one of them who was peering at me curiously. I spun terrified and looked up at him wondering if he was going to do something. 

“I think she’s a little panicky” the demon turned into a beautiful one said. He looked sort of like how Gothmog looks. He had black hair, but it had tones of deep red reflecting back from the light and his eyes were more of a molten orange then Gothmog’s dark red. He had the horns too though which was terrifying enough.

“She’s just a fledgling” Gothmog said in response placing a hand of my back to prevent me trying to back away behind him. He reached out a hand, but Gothmog snapped at him not to touch me and he pulled back surveying me more carefully. 

“How old are you, Vinyare?” he asked as another one approached from behind him. I anxiously twisted my fingers together and look at Gothmog. 

“Answer him” he said tilting his slightly. I wonder if he even knows my age.   
“I’m 23” I said quietly my gaze catching to one of the demons who looked like fire, shadows, and the most horrific thing imagination can conjure. He was still sized monstrously so I don’t think he had shifted his form at all. 

“A fledgling indeed. And so tiny in body as well” He followed my gaze behind him and smiled. “He struggles to contain his power. Too little control over himself”. I looked back up terrified hearing Gothmog make a huffing like noise. He spoke in one of the horrid languages I couldn’t understand. Shivers racked through me as the fire demon made grumbling noises in response. I bit my cheek hard trying not to feel so afraid. I really regret saying I would be bored. Who were all of these demons. Were all of them like Gothmog? I felt a relieved breath rush out of me as the door opened and closed again. The one who couldn’t transform left. The temperature was still insanely hot, but now at least my skin wouldn’t redden or blister from proximity. 

“Do you know what we are?” The one who just come up asked. He looked similar to them too. I looked at him for a couple second before pointing to Gothmog. He studied me almost imperceptibly narrowing his eyes. “Do you know what he is?” I think if I hadn’t been around Tar-Mairon and Gothmog for enough time then his facial change would have been impossible for me to see. Maybe they all do these very miniscule changes? I swallowed nervously peering up at Gothmog who was just observing us emotionlessly with his hand still on my back. I shook my head quickly. 

“Don’t bog down her finite mind with concepts and knowledge she can’t understand yet. When she is older and changed I will explain.” Gothmog said almost reproachfully. 

“Surely a basic explanation…” The other one began. 

“I will not hear such insolent questions” Gothmog cut off him mid-sentence. I shivered in mild trepidation feeling his body temperature rise from the hand on my back. 

“of course not, my lord” the other said bowing his head briefly. It clearly appeased Gothmog as his temperature returned to its normal heat. I looked up at Gothmog blinking.

“Speak your curiosity” He said pushing his hand in my back harder.

“How many of you are there?” I asked quietly counting the room’s occupants. 

“Of me, my Airawende? None, there are none of my mighty power, but of my kind, my brothers, we number seven.” He moved his hand from my back to the top of my head. There were six of them in this room and I guess the seventh was the one who couldn’t change his form. Two of them were closer to the door conversing amongst themselves, one of them looked lost in thought as he stayed unmoving and unblinking, and then there was the two of them plus Gothmog around me. I shivered at the pressure of three pairs of demonic gazes focusing on me. 

“She’s still so frightened. Like a little mouse” the one standing behind the first one said observationally. I looked down and twisted my fingers together again anxiously.   
“You have my leave to answer questions” Gothmog said caressing my hair lightly. I opened my mouth to say something then thought better of it. 

“Why would we ask her? She is an earthly being and you probably know more of her then she does” the one who called me a mouse said. Fear and anger warred together at the insult. 

“She is not of Middle-earth. You should have been able to understand that, my wise brother” Gothmog said drawing out the word wise. I winced at the look of fury in the other ones eyes. 

“If you are not of here then surely you would have a name not from Quenya” the one with the red black hair asked. I looked at him in absolute horror and hope and then looked at Gothmog. Could I say my name? I didn’t look at Gothmog in case the opportunity to say my name, my real name slipped through my fingers. 

“My name is Chloe” I whispered.

“Your name was Chloe” Gothmog said rebuffing me. I frowned looking down as he tugged on my hair warningly. 

“What does Chloe mean, in your language” He asked. 

“Oh, it has a couple meanings. Young plant or…or…” I trailed feeling blood rush to my face.

“Or what?” He demanded. I stuttered out some unintelligible syllables. 

“Speak clearly Airawende” Gothmog ordered resuming his caressing of my hair.

“fertile” I said fearfully and scowling at the same time twisting my hands together feeling horribly awkward. Gothmog stopped his caressing. 

“Are you fertile?” said the one who has now been asking far too many questions. I put my hands of my face feeling how hot my cheeks were. 

“I don’t know” I muttered staring down at the floor. 

“You have a name which you do not know if it describes you or not. How odd.” He tilted his slightly. “Should we find out?”

“You go too far.” Gothmog hissed and I stayed looking at the floor terrified at the extreme increase in temperature. Why was this happening? Why did I ever ask to leave?


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Please don't hate me because it took longer then a week lol. I was actually a bit stuck on the best way to approach this chapter, but here we are :D Also if anyone is interested in being a Beta reader please PM me. Please Enjoy the next installment of Sauron and Haldamire!

I shifted on my feet nervously looking at Hutare still lying motionless on the floor. I couldn’t believe how no one here was reacting at all to it. They just moved around her like she wasn’t even there, though some did step on her. I just couldn’t tell if it was on purpose or not. 

Tar Mairon was observing everything, but not making any specific movements towards anyone or anything. Eyes were on us, I could tell by the prickly feeling of discomfort, but none that I could visually see. I really wonder how they can be studying us without looking directly at us. 

“Haldamire” I flinched at the sound of my name suddenly spoken and blinked up at Tar-Mairon who was gazing at me. He made a small motion with his free hand and I moved closer allowing him to tip my face up. He seemed to study me for a moment and I tried not to flinch under the distressing gaze and dancing flames. He tilted my face up a degree higher and smiled. I was too scared to move away and too nervous to ask what he was doing. 

“Haldamire” he said again in a brighter tone. The perfection of his voice was almost as terrifying as his gaze. He seemed so beautiful, so bright, so golden, and yet he was capable of such violence and horror. I shivered and he smiled in amusement at my reaction. He released me and stroked a hand down my head. “It is working much faster than even I anticipated at the beginning of this experiment. This pleases me greatly.” I trembled slightly wanting to ask questions, but refusing to pay the price for speaking. I didn’t even have to move my mouth the feel anything. The memory is enough to make my lips tingle. He clearly understood my sentiments because he gave me another smile with a keen glint in his flaming eyes that showed delight. I looked at the floor meekly. 

I didn’t even feel him moving so when the chain pulled on my neck I looked up in surprise and hurried after Tar-Mairon. I nearly tripped trying to catch up with his walking pace. He was holding the leash too tightly so I didn’t have any room to fall far behind or I would just be dragged. He could’ve warned me we were going to move. 

“Mairon” a fell voice carried across the room to us. I spun around trying to locate the source of it as Tar-Mairon halted. He grabbed my shoulder and turned me towards the far left of the room. I stared at nothing in confusion until a figure seemed to almost walk out of the shadows. I could feel myself staring in shock and unable to control the expression of disbelief I had. It was as if the shadows had writhed and tussled against each other into this shape. I felt Tar-Mairon push down gently on my shoulder and tried to not to stare. I don’t even think I could really figure out what or who I was looking at anyway. It seemed to be shifting into different figures as it came closer to us. Short, then tall, broad, and then lean. It was like the shadows couldn’t even decide what they wanted to take the shape of. 

“I have an experiment to conduct. Make this quick” Tar-Mairon said raising an eyebrow in an almost lazy attempt at showing impatience. The shadows begin writhing more at those words and I quailed back into Tar-Mairon terrified he pissed it off until I realized the shadows were twisting with amusement and that there was a faint mimicry of laughter in it. I want out of this room and out of this place right now. It is so unnatural. All of the beings and monsters. What happened to Hutare! To my horror I could feel moisture beginning to rise to my eyes. I tried to swallow and maintain composure in front of the shadows, but slowly, as if one second was a year, I could feel a tear start rolling down my cheek. 

The shadows twisted even more furiously for a moment and I fell under the horrible impression they, or it, was staring at me. It moved closer to me and more tears dripped down my face. 

“I think I made your pet cry Mairon” the shadows whispered as some of them moved forward towards me. To my rising horror and increase of tears, when the shadows brushed over me it was as if something cold was literally passing itself over me. They twisted around me and I put a hand over my mouth trying to calm down and dispel the tears. 

“Out with it, you came here for a reason” Tar-Mairon said making no move to save me from the shadows coiling around me and pressing in on us. Why was he letting this happen. 

“The orcs are killing too many slaves for sport. We need more hale enough to work in the mines” The shadows finally left me and I felt myself almost instinctively push myself into Tar-Mairon and the warmth he radiated. 

“Is that not a problem you should be taking to the overseers?” Tar-Mairon asked coolly letting me push into him. The shadows let out a hissing noise of malcontent. 

“Orc overseers fail to understand the complexities of the war effort” it seemed to almost spit out. 

“Are there not overseers not of orcish nature? Have you jumped the chain of command in reprisal for some slight?” Tar-Mairon said in a much quieter voice. It sounded contemplative, but I could sense the flames licking up under the words and crackling danger. The shadows clearly could as well for they twisted less and become more of a figure. It seemed like a very tall cloaked man. I peered at it, him, carefully but failed to see any distinguishable features. It was like he almost had no real face. Without thinking I grabbed Tar-Mairon’s hand in fright. He didn’t pull away, but instead laced our finger together. I winced at his grip because it was nearly too tight. 

“Mairon” the shadows spoke and this time it sounded closer to being one person. 

“Don’t. I will come seek you out later. I have more pressing matters to attend” Tar-Mairon said interrupting the shadows. They fell back seeming extremely subdued. Tar-Mairon turned and pulled me along with him. I felt relief until a jolt of cold slithered down my arm. I gripped Tar-Mairon’s hand as hard as I could so I didn’t scream in fear. I looked back and the shadows had begun to sink back into nothing. He led me back the winding pathways I had walked with Hutare, but I really couldn’t understand how because we didn’t pass back by Hutare on the way. I loosened my death grip on his hand, but refused to let go. He was the only thing that would protect me from monsters like Thuringwethil. 

I felt my heart finally leap in a positive way as I spied Ungo running down the hallway towards us. I wanted to cry out in happiness at the semi-friendly wolf and ask him more questions. Ask him how to raise my baby fluff. 

“Ungo” Tar-Mairon said without stopping as Ungo made it to us and then turned bounding along at our pace. “ I need you to go to my rooms and have someone fetch me a small mirror”. Ungo let out a little yip in affirmation and sped down the way he had come. I couldn’t help the disappointment that he was only here for a second. 

It always such a long and arduous journey to go anywhere in this place. Nothing is ever close by except when I lived with Airawende and we had the baths close by to our room. At least by now I wasn’t always tired and with muscles burning after short distances. I still got tired and wanted to sit, but it was much better than it had been early on. 

“I have something to show you, my dear Haldamire” Tar-Mairon whispered in my ear when we arrived to his, or I guess also mine, residence in hell. I followed Tar-Mairon’s movements to a mirror sitting on his desk. I shifted my gaze over slightly and found Ungo curled up on the floor watching us in curiosity with rapt attention. Tar-Mairon leaned down and carefully put his arms around me holding the mirror up to my face. I stared at my reflection in bafflement. I tried to turn my head around to give him a questioning glance, but I was prevented by his other hand catching my face.

“Look carefully, Haldamire” He whispered quietly in my ear and I shivered. His hand held my face still and I puzzled into the mirror even after he pulled it closer. I could feel him almost sigh, but all he did was whisper low in my ear again. “Eyes”. I peered at my own eyes reflecting back at me and saw nothing. Until there was something. I have no idea how Tar-Mairon could have possibly just noticed this with such little time. There seemed to be just the barest gleam of fiery energy hiding away. I blinked and it was gone again.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY LORD THIS WAS SO AWKWARD TO WRITE LOL! I don't write much like this usually, but for y'all, I will. So let me know if you liked or disliked it. If it was too much or not enough. LMK! I need to pace now. Poor Airawende

I looked up terrified between Gothmog and the other balrog. Gothmog had a menacing look in his red eyes, but the other balrog seemed unperturbed. 

“You cannot tell me that are you are, now, not curious” he said raising an eyebrow at Gothmog. The temperature kept rising and I felt sweat break out across my body. 

“We don’t get names that describe us usually” I blurted out hoping to distract them. 

“So then you are not fertile or you don’t know?” he asked studying me curiously. I looked up at Gothmog behind me and cowered back at the hellfire in his eyes. 

“If you wish to suffer in pain for all eternity you’ll keep going” Gothmog hissed at him. He grabbed my shoulder and yanked me into him before pinning me against with his arm. I contained the yelp that wanted to break free at the force. He was so strong without realizing it. Without thinking about it, I wrapped my hands over Gothmog’s arm and held it tightly attempting to use it as a defense mechanism from the one trying to test fertility. 

“Very well” he said bowing his head slightly “I shall desist”. I tried to look up at Gothmog again, but I was pretty well stuck by his arm. Honestly, I was a bit surprised they didn’t kill each other. What would happen to me if Gothmog died? 

“He was just testing the situation, elder brother” drawled the one who had insulted me about being an “earthly being”. 

“I know what he was doing, and what he was thinking, but that does not mean I will tolerate it on any level” Gothmog said authoritatively. My hands were shaking as they all bowed, even the one who hadn’t being paying much attention gave a slightly tilted head bow, towards Gothmog. 

“Yes, my lord” they chorused in rumbly voices. Why did I ask to leave my room? I cursed myself soundly in my head still clutching Gothmog’s arm around me. 

“To dissuade any speculation or thoughts of such experiments” Gothmog growled “I will lay matter to rest now”. I tried to look up completely baffled, but was still stuck too tightly.

I let out a yelp of surprise as I was quickly released and spun around. I felt light headed from how fast it was and the heat didn’t help. I felt myself lifted up off the floor in his strong grip and I blinked as his red eyes caught my for moment.

Then, before I even realized something was going to happen, his tongue was in my mouth and his lips were over mine. I was so startled that I just froze as he explored my mouth. I tried to shift away slightly, but was he holding me too tightly and one of hands was keeping my head in place. I couldn’t help the groan that escaped me, but it seemed to encourage him further. He pressed his advantage a little harder and I felt my eyes fluttering shut trying to block out the fact the other demons were watching. I felt so dominated as he continued his exploration for a moment longer before releasing me. 

I gasped and tried to move away. He just ignored my movement back and pulled me back to him like how we had been before he kissed me. I gently set my fingers on my lips and winced feeling how tender they were. It was definitely going to bruise from the force he used and was likely swollen already. I noticed that all of the others were looking at us except the one who seemed like he was dreaming in a faraway place. He was just staring up with glassy eyes tapping his fingers on his arm. 

I felt shame and embarrassment wind its way through me at their looks. They didn’t even really have any kind of expression, but it was unnerving and I felt mortified they just saw that. Never in my life had someone kissed me so harshly, deeply, or without my permission. I couldn’t even cry I was still so shocked. I could still feel the pressure and heat of his lips pressing down on mine forcefully. Even more burned into my mind, probably forever, was how he dominated me with his tongue in my mouth. I couldn’t have stopped him even if I tried. 

“Go get that slave to take Airawende back” Gothmog snapped at one of the ones that had been previously conversing farther away from us. Though they were certainly looking at us now. “She’s tired” he caressed my hair lightly and I couldn’t help the shudder that ran through me. The teacher couldn’t get here fast enough.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took forever. It's been almost a month, but life just sucks right now. My uncle died and there is not allowed a funeral because of the no gatherings rule. My favorite horse, my baby Charlie, he is now gone forever :( School has been moved all online which means I get to stuck back at home with the bad wifi and graduation is probably cancelled as well my as post-graduation job because traveling is not allowed in some places. I'm sure you all are also probably suffering because of the corona-virus so make sure to stay safe and healthy. I'll try to update more frequently, but I make no promises because it was difficult enough to write this. The only positive is that I got a new laptop. A gaming laptop and I have this game my friend encouraged me to get called Dead by Daylight. I am terrible and die a lot, but any of you want to play it with me then I will send you my steam name lol. Its kind of addicting. On the positive the next Airawende chapter will feature Maedhros and Langon. So you can look forward to it.

Time was now almost meaningless. I felt confused often and Tar-Mairon was an off-putting presence around me. He only increased my confusion about the state of things, and I was not sure if this was intentional or not. Ungo stuck around a lot trying to help me with baby fluffy. He was trying to make words now. Little noises that sounded like words anyway.

I hadn't felt the same since I saw the embers burning deep within my eyes. I felt changed. I felt like an abomination. I didn't like what they did to me. I haven't seen Airawende in what feels like years and I hope she fares better then me. Somehow, I think that neither of us are faring particularly well, but at least we, or I, am uninjured. Tar-Mairon lifted the effects of the mental stitching after he showed me my eyes. He seemed quite pleased.

"You are lost again" Ungo said with his tongue lolling out of his mouth as he cocked his head sideways. I shook off my reverie.

"there is just so much I still don't understand" I sighed.

"We both are finite. Of course, you don't understand things you encounter here" Ungo licked my leg. His logic was unfortunately and unusually sound in this case.

"Isn't there anything more then this?! Then here!?" I wailed frustrated. He panted in that way dogs do when they breathe and it was suddenly very irritating.

"You want to explore outside this fortress?" Ungo huffed resting his head on his front paws.

"Perhaps sometime soon you might" I startled slightly and looked up. Tar-Mairon was standing slightly behind me. I quickly glanced back at Ungo who had risen to his feet. He must have been surprised too, but he was literally facing me so how on earth did he miss Tae-Mairon's approach.

"Will we go to war now?" Ungo shook his fur out making him appear much bigger than he was. Tar-Mairon offered me a hand and I let him pull me up to my feet. The room spun slightly at the speed, but I was slowly getting used to it.

"Soon, I think" Tar-Mairon responded musingly running a hand over Ungo's fur.

"Oh no!" I cried "What if you die Ungo?" I demanded gripping his fur tightly.

"I will kill many, but many will not kill me" He growled prowling away from me. My fingers slipped through his fur and I frowned. I glanced up at Tar-Mairon again and shrank back from his fire eyes. After so much time his eyes still frightened me.

"no concern for me, little one?" He asked with mock hurt in his golden voice.

"I don't think you can die" I muttered feeling slightly rebellious. He laughed brighter then normal.

"Come Haldamire. Bring your pup. He needs to play and fight with his own kind if he is to survive" He ordered. I whistled and heard his claws clacking on the floor of my room as he sped out to us. He couldn't slow himself down and instead careened into my legs. He was so much bigger than he used to be and I failed to keep my balance at the force. Luckily, Tar-Mairon had fast reflexes and caught me before I fell completely over and righted me. I glared at little fluff as he looked up at me with an adorable expression. He was too cute to stay angry with.

I didn't want my little fluff to be fighting with other wolves, but I also didn't want him to be too weak to survive on his own here. I also may have been slightly excited to see the other wolves. Such beautiful animals.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I swear quarantine has made me so lazy in regards to school. If nothing counts for our gpa anymore why do I bother trying to get an A. Also I managed to literally trip over nothing on the sidewalk in the front yard and fall into the middle street. Almost broke my foot. And as a side note the Gothmog/Airawende requests shall be met in the future, but now Gothmog is just deciding he likes the effect of elvish hroa and it will take some time before he decides he wants that. On another note, I don't understand how the story here has 41 chapters and on ffn it has 42. What did I miss somewhere?

I followed behind the teacher slowly feeling numb and confused. I couldn’t really put together in my head what had happened and why. Why did I get punished for their antagonism on him? The teacher had obviously immediately put two and two together when she arrived because her gaze went straight to lips, they had to be bruised or puffy from the force and gave me a mournful look. She took my hand when we were far enough down the hall and completely out of sight. 

Her hand seemed to be shaking just as much as mine, but it was comforting, nonetheless. I used my free hand to wipe moisture left over in my eyes from almost crying and kept moving forward. 

“I see balrogs are as skilled at subtlety as always” I looked up hearing Langon. I could recognize his voice easily. The teachers grip on my hand tightened. I looked at him quickly taking in his tall figure and black filled in eyes. He always seemed so imposing and eerie, but he has been the nicest of them. The teacher looked concerned. She did already have to deal with him speaking to me when we first left. Her life is probably at risk for him talking to me. 

“I see you do not endure well. At least not yet” Langon said casually as gaze me an assessing look. Or at least, it seemed assessing the way he was looking at me, but without being able to see any eyes or pupils its hard to say what or how he looks at things and people. I sulked looking at the floor again. “Come with me. I want to take you to someone” he said beckoning me. I looked at the teacher who looked resigned and panicked at the same time. 

“I can’t” I said looking at the teacher’s expression “what if he finds out?” Langon made an impatient noise in response.

“He won’t find out. In fact, it is quite likely that once you return to your home, that you’ll be there for days alone.” He said sounding almost scornful. I felt relief and confusion at his words and inspected him slightly suspicious. The teacher loosened her grip but didn’t let go. I looked at her and she frowned looking apprehensive. She had already dealt with this exact situation and I couldn’t imagine her getting any calmer at its repeat, but she certainly couldn’t defy Langon either. I blinked as he turned and strode down the hallway. The teacher and I just looked at each other before rushing to catch up. There was no winning in this situation. Not for anyone. Not even for Langon if Gothmog caught him with us. 

“Where are we going?” I asked puzzled as the teacher hurried me along still holding her tight grip on my hand. Why was everyone faster then me here? 

“The dungeons. A place you’ve been to before” He responded tossing a sardonic look over his shoulder at me. 

“Why are you taking me to the dungeons?” I asked growing suspicious. This surely wasn’t a trick to lock me in the dungeons. I haven’t done anything wrong! I could feel my trepidation growing and halted frightened. The teacher tugged on my hand urgently. I guess, for her, the faster we got this over with then the faster we were safe from being caught. He didn’t answer and I gave the teacher a look of dread as she pulled me along. 

I scowled and sulked as I was tugged along the winding passageways. This place is a nightmare maze. I can’t believe Haldamire and I ever thought we would be able to escape. It is like endless here. It is literally like miles to walk to get from one place to another. On the positive I think my feet are getting more pain resilient from all this walking on injuries. 

The dungeons is a bit of a temperature anomaly and I don’t know how it is achieved. It is like the farther you go down into the deep passages and hallways of this place, it gets warmer, yet when you cross into the darkness of where the dungeons are, it is quite cold. I shook my head as we left warm air for cool air remembering my feet getting whipped then Maedhros getting punished instead of me because I collapsed. 

“Wait here” Langon ordered and we stopped as he moved away vanishing into the cold darkness. I looked at the teacher with wide eyes hearing groans echoing around the place. I guess that my first visits here did not really allow me time to observe or listen to my surroundings. I winced and covered my ears as an ear-splitting scream full of anguish sounded from down the hallway. I practically fell into the teacher’s arms shaking as she released my hand to hug me. I could feel her shaking in terror, or horror, as well. 

“What do you expect from the dungeons?” Langon’s voice sounded from behind us making me jump out of the teacher’s grip in fright. How did he appear from behind us when he left in front of us? Langon completely freaked me out with his ability to move around unseen and unheard. “Prisoners, or those who fail to meet the demands of our great master, Lord Melkor, are brought here for torment and retribution” 

“Why do you all have to be so cruel and vicious?” I whispered. 

“It is the natural of order of things. It is not so cruel and vicious for the strong to rule with iron fists and teeth of steel to guide. It is for the weak and inferior to obey if they wish not to suffer. It is a choice. I believe you have made those choices before. Youthful folly to defy the inherently superior, stronger, and wiser. Naturally it would be done again if not met strongly” He responded simply holding up a key ring.

“Naturally?!” I tried not to scoff or sound argumentative because I really did not need an angry Langon. “Some of you enjoy it!” I argued my voice weakening at the end. I should not engage in this conversation. 

“Airawende. Airawende. Airawende” Langon said in an almost sing song voice “you must either really stupid or really stubborn.” I shut up but scowled at the floor. He was right. I should really try to avoid trying to disagree, at all costs, with any of them. Have I not made myself suffer enough? “Come and meet your friend again” He continued after a brief pause to unlock one of the cells near us. 

“Haldamire?!” I cried out in shock bolting in but pulling myself up short seeing the dramatically red-haired Maedhros. I stared in horror. It looked like he was tortured even more after what Gothmog did. He was motionless lying on his back, but his expression looked strangely empty. His eyes stared unseeing at the ceiling. I gasped horrified. He brought me here to see a dead man who died because I didn’t listen?! I let out a wail of grief and threw myself on the floor next to him. 

I screamed as the body suddenly reanimated and hands closed around my throat. I choked and grabbed the hands, but they almost immediately let me go and I folded in on myself coughing. I heard the lock click the cell door shut and wondered how long I would be trapped in here with Maedhros. I finally peeked up and saw him studying me intently. I felt awkward almost immediately. Even though he was torn up, bloody, and grimy he was still more beautiful then me. It felt ridiculous to be so self-conscious in this situation. 

“Tell me true, little one, for I shall not be deceived lightly” he finally said “Have you been sent here to duplicitously?” I made a noise of puzzlement and just looked at him. He used an elvish word I did not know. He blew out a breath “Have you been sent to trick me or for information?” He tried again. I still felt confused despite now understanding his question. 

“What do they need information for? They know everything” I muttered rebelliously. He looked at me hard. 

“They know everything” he repeated my words still studying me intently. I looked down feeling even more shy with his stare. It wasn’t quite hostile, but it certainly was not friendly either. 

“I don’t understand what you mean” I finally answered as the silence killed me slowly with awkwardness. I don’t why I feel this way in such a horrible situation. 

“True, or not true, perhaps it is for the best that you do not understand or feign not understanding.” He said shifting closer the me. I leaned away muttering a “what” under my breath feeling puzzled. What exactly does he think is going on here? I would also like to know what is going on here. 

My eyes widened again as he suddenly grabbed my face with his face and pulled it up closer to study it. He was much taller than I ever gave him credit for. Even with the both of us on our knees I only came up to just under the middle of his chest. I shuddered as he lightly ran a thumb over my lips.

“What happened to your mouth?” he asked still holding me in place with a gentle grip. I couldn’t help the look of disgust that flashed across my face. I still can’t believe I was so forcefully kissed to prove a point in front of a lot of other fire beings. He let go of me and I sat back on my knees staring up at him as he towered over me. 

“I did not think..” He began trailing off in consideration before asking, “Was it the balrog?” he sounded in disbelief.

“Balrog?” I asked baffled at the new word 

“Gothmog” he amended still staring at me intently and sounding just as puzzled.

“Oh. Yes, it was him. I thought Gothmog was one of those maia beings.” I answered sadly. He looked at me like I was an idiot for a moment before shaking his head. 

“He is. The balrogs are fallen maiar, but not the only fallen maiar” He finally offered up after we regarded one another in silence. The door unlocking mechanism sounded and we both angled towards the door as it slid open. 

“Come Airawende. Time runs out and I’m sure you don’t want to be caught disobedient again” Langon said amusedly. I gave them both a miserable look before rising. Good lord, he was still a couple inches taller than me. I think he was taller than Tar-Mairon. 

“Why are you so tall” I muttered going towards Langon. I felt the ghost of a smile appear for a millisecond on my face as I heard a slight sound of amusement. 

“Enjoy your dark loneliness, O fallen king of the Noldor” Langon said cheerfully shutting the door. I looked back at Langon in surprise. 

“Fallen king?” I asked, but the only response I got was a smile. I sighed deciding not to pursue Langon for information. Who knows how long his niceness will last and I shouldn’t press. The teacher hurried over to me from where she was leaning a wall. I slid my hand into hers again and groaned thinking about the walk of eternity ahead of us.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the ever increasing tragedy that is my life, my grandmother died. Not even 3 weeks after my uncle. Sorry about all the chapter delays. At least there is only a week and a half left of school. There will likely not be another chapter until finals are over May 11. Then I should be able to not have a tragedy happen for at least a few weeks and reorient my post-school schedule since we are still under shelter in place order. I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy.

I watched very warily as my little scruff ball growled and tussled with other little wolf pups. He really needed a name. Maybe Valdra since Tar-Mairon likes fire. He doesn’t look like fire, but he does seem to be aggressive in playing. I wonder if Tar-Mairon would let me give him an English name. I glanced at Tar-Mairon. He was still speaking to two huge wolves. I couldn’t help but wonder if they were the leaders or something. I thought back to fluff’s name. Perhaps Valdra sounded too feminine for a boy wolf. I sighed deciding to think on it more later and ask Tar-Mairon if he could have an English name. 

I walked around keeping an eye fluffy, but also looking at the other wolves. Most of them were enormous. As big as small horses and some even bigger. I was a bit scared to approach them and speak. Tar-Mairon said they wouldn’t hurt me, but they were still really frightening. Yet also beautiful. The wolves here, despite being overly large and big, were perfectly proportioned. 

“Ungo” I whispered as he trailed next to me lazily. I wanted walking lazily, but he was big enough that to match my pace was lazy walking for him. He let out a curious huff and waited.   
“Could you help me meet another wolf? I don’t know what to say” I asked quietly. He did not say anything but slightly increased his speed into a trot. I followed nervously, but also excited.

I frowned as Ungo just flopped down and stretched out. I whispered his name patronizingly and he lolled his tongue out.

“they are curious enough about you to approach if you sit still. Come sit with me” Ungo said wagging his tail slightly. I acquiesced and leaned against Ungo. I ran an experimental hand down his soft fur and then scratched him. He stretched into it and I almost laughed. “Don’t stop” I giggled at his slurred order and kept scratching. I spent a few minutes scratching Ungo as he contorted into various ways to be scratched all over and laughing at him. 

“Look, little human, some are watching” Ungo said standing and shaking all his fur out before laying down again. I surveyed the room quickly so hopefully they would not notice me looking. Ungo was right. Quite a few were looking at us. Not all the looks seemed very friendly though. There were a couple curious looks, some studying looks, and one or two that were just downright hostile. Hopefully, they didn’t come over. 

“Will they come speak with me?” I whispered. 

“Wolves have good hearing. Your whispering isn’t doing anything small one” Ungo said motionlessly “and perhaps. I would expect the wolves will eventually want to know you because of your proximity to Tar-Mairon.” 

“Langon is here” I said without whispering this time and the devious Maia slipped into the room and headed towards Tar-Mairon. They hardly exchanged any words, but I saw Langon slipping something to Tar-Mairon before disappearing back the way he entered. I do not trust him. I trust Ungo more and he told me that he wanted to eat me. I wish that Airawende and I never came here. 

I shook my head rapidly to avoid thinking negative thoughts. I could not stay in the past forever and I don’t want to live life hating it. Tar-Mairon said he could teach me magic or something. Maybe I could be powerful like Tar-Mairon and then I’d be allowed to leave and see other things. 

I cannot really say the fortress, per say, is boring, but I have not so much to do. The only reason its not boring is because I am always scared of being hurt and even of Tar-Mairon, who I live with, isn’t really safe if I act out of line. But if Tar-Mairon teaches me to be strong then maybe I will not have to be afraid of other people anymore. I do not know if he would teach me enough magic to be able to defy him and I do not want to die. 

“Do you think Tar-Mairon is having an important conversation?” I asked Ungo. Ungo opened an eye and looked at me.

“Are you going to go try and find out?” he huffed suspiciously with his eye glaring at me in warning. 

“No” I muttered thinking about what would happen if I interrupted him. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to talk for even longer amount of time. I scowled annoyed none of the wolves would approach me and Ungo. I looked over at Fluffy. What If I just called him Dagor? He seems to like battling the other little wolves. If Tar-Mairon says no for an English name then I’ll call him Dagor. 

“Hey Ungo, what do you think of Dagor as a name for my baby wolf?” I asked. I looked over and saw both of Ungo’s eyes were closed again. I thought he may even be asleep until he responded.

“Will you take him to fight in many battles? To a war?” He asked sounding both drowsy and wise. I made a non-committal noise. 

“Usually names are given for appearance, ability, and actions” Ungo explained.

“He’s doing battle right now with other little wolfies” I argued laying my head down on Ungo’s back. 

“As long as he can back up his name and not be mocked for it” Ungo muttered finally. I smiled and closed my eyes feeling Ungo’s warmth under his fur. We might be here a while and if the wolves don’t approach then I might as well take a nap.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my loves! I am very sorry about the delay in posting and must also admit that this is kind of a filler chapter. Yet never fear! It will set up a really good consecutive chapter after the next Sauron/Haldamire chapter. School has finally ended and no one else in my family has died so things should get back to a more regular update schedule. I have found much grief solace in working with rescued horses so they may be adopted to loving families. I will try, not promise, but try to get another chapter up by Sunday or Monday. I am very sorry for the super long wait y'all.

I kicked the wall hard enough to send pain shooting up my leg. I have no idea how long I have been stuck here in Gothmog’s freaking cave room. The teacher dropped me off some time ago and I thought about my conversation with Maedhros and what Langon told me. Then I slept. Woke up. Thought some more. Slept. And now here I am getting hungry and still bored. 

I threw myself back on top of bed feeling the pain fade first into a dull ache and then into nothing. He must not really understand that I need food regularly. Makes me believe Tar-Mairon took care of everything when Haldamire and I were together in that room. I let out a dramatic sigh despite no one being to able to hear it. I would be in such trouble if I left, but also maybe I would get food and it would be worth it. My feet were healed by now, but I could feel the pain like it was brand new whenever I thought about it. That is not worth food right now. I am not hungry enough now to risk this trouble. 

The sound of a throat clearing had me sitting up looking around startled. I had not even heard anyone enter much less approach. It was the teacher and she was giving me a concerned look. The same look she had in her eyes the entire way back from Maedhros’ cell in the dungeon. My eyes zeroed in on the food she was carrying. Finally! I wonder if the teacher eats the same food that Haldamire and I eat. Actually, I wonder if Haldamire and I still eat the same food with the same frequency? 

I practically snatched the bread off the tray she had and inhaled it. She gave me a slightly amused look but did not say anything. Of course, she apparently was not allowed to speak to me. I wonder if I could change his mind about that. I really need to be able to speak to other people. She proffered the rest of the food and I took it from her. I ate quickly and the food was fortunately very filling. Food tastes better when you are hungry. 

She beckoned when I was finished, and I followed her out of the cave. I could feel cold dread trickling through me at the first steps out. Please not another situation like last time. I could still feel the sensation of his tongue in my mouth. The teacher could obviously sense my trepidation because she glanced back and offered a quick shake of the head. I sighed both in relief and frustration. I did not want to see him there and I am not sure I wanted to see him at all. However, on the other hand, I also needed him to let me out of this cave and give me something to do. I have never done well with monotonous living. I cannot sit around all day for extended periods of time. 

I cocked my head in recognition. She was taking me to bathe. I have not done much, but it will good to wash off the feel of his hands on me. I cannot wash away the memories and ghost touches, but at least it will make me feel better. 

Somehow the bathing room felt less warm then Gothmog’s cave, but it was still an extremely comfortable warmth. Except for that time, I stuck my hand in when we first got here and was burned.

I gave the teacher an awkward smile and she gave me an unsure smile back before leaving. I let out a deep breath. A change of scenery and something to do. And by something to do I mean relaxing in hot water. Without Haldamire here with me, I can take a real bath instead of just using the water.

I glanced around the room quickly to make there was nothing in the shadows. This place we somehow got to has aroused my inner paranoia. Langon also contributes to said paranoia the way he melts into nothing whenever you blink. He is unnatural. I can’t really be sure there was no spirit or other malevolent entity here, but even if there was, I’m also sure Gothmog would bully them away.

With another cursory glance around the room, I let my robes slide off me and slipped into the warm water. I took my time with everything and just let the warm water envelope me completely. It feels so warm and comfortable. I could see steam rise off it when I had approached and expected similarly hot water like before, yet it was perfect. I sank back into the water blinking as a surprising wave of exhaustion hit me. I allowed myself to be carried away by sleep with warm silky water encasing me.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody! The promised Sunday chapter. I hope you will enjoy it. Many key things happen. Let me know what you think

“Haldamire” 

I heard my name sound nearby but ignored it to keep my eyes closed trying to regain sleep. It did not last long as I felt something shift underneath me and suddenly the warm softness I had been leaning against vanished and I fell back on the floor. 

“Ungo” I snapped irritated at the abrupt awakening. He huffed for a moment before cocking his head sideways.   
“I tried to wake you by calling your name. It’s not my responsibility to make sure you actually get up” He said shaking out his fur out in every direction and then stretching. I glared at him before looking around. It seemed like most of the wolves had left. There were only about 7 or 8 left milling about the spacious area. I did not even see Tar-Mairon around. 

“Where did everyone go?” I asked stifling my annoyance with actual curiosity and more then a little concern because I also did not see my little Dagor either. 

“To fight” Ungo offered the explanation with simplicity sticking up one of his back legs to scratch his ear rapidly. 

“To fight” I repeated mystified. They had been fighting and rolling around with each other in here when we came in earlier. Ungo just grunted at my puzzlement and told me to come see. I paused momentarily as another wolf approached slowly and sniffed Ungo and I. I felt excitement bubble up. I had been waiting so long for another wolf to try and talk to me. 

“Hello” I murmured weakly hoping for a response. The wolf looked at me for a long moment and then sat back.

“greetings” she finally said. Ungo approached her and stuck his nose into her fur. She growled at him and he pushed her harder with his nose. She gave a snap of her teeth in his direction and he bowled her over. She then snapped three times at him as he stood over her. He let her up and sat down near me. I looked at him and got the distinct impression he was very amused. I looked back at the she-wolf in momentary horror wondering if Ungo just ruined my chances at new friends but she was back to sitting comfortably and seemed amused as well. 

“its nice to meet you.” I offered into the amused silence between the two wolves. 

“how is my baby?” she asked licking a paw and drawing it over her ear. 

“Your baby?” I responded looking at Ungo who almost seemed to have rolled his eyes at my question. She stopped her movements and looked at Ungo surprised.

“Dagor” Ungo grunted. 

“A good name. I hope he lives up to it” The wolf said sounding pleased. 

“Oh, well, He has been good and he’s, uh, around here. Somewhere” I said stumbling over my words and hoping Dagor would show up. I also felt slightly guilty that I had taken him from his mother. 

“He’s going to be tested and fight” Ungo said scrathing himself again. I had a flash of humor that maybe he had an itchy spot, but it was overtaken by horror.

“He’s going to what!?” I demanded furiously. Dagor was my fluffy baby. Both Ungo and the she-wolf, whose name I forgot to ask about, stared at me like I was an idiot.

“Perfectly natural” Ungo said beckoning me to follow him with his tail. I bit my lip acquiescing and hoping we be arriving wherever he was being “tested” with all due speed. The she-wolf followed us. She was a very pretty she-wolf too. Almost the exact picture-perfect wolf in terms of proportion and color. She just happened to be very, very large for a wolf compared to the ones that were back home. Of course, her size was really nothing on Ungo and some of the other wolves. I wanted to feel her soft gray fur and see if it was as soft as Dagor’s or if that was a baby wolf thing. 

I tried not to groan or show my frustration at Ungo’s almost unbearably slow pace. Why couldn’t I just ride him and we could run? I need to see Dagor immediately. How could he possibly be old or strong enough to fight. Oh my goodness, I haven’t even taught my poor baby any fighting. What if the other wolves just roll him.

“Stop your panicking Lady Haldamire”. The she-wolf said looking at me with a penetrating stare. I looked back at her still biting my lip. How could ask me to stop worrying? Why wasn’t she worrying. 

“but” I tried to explain.

“no.” she said cutting me off “Wolves will be able to sense your panic and fear for Dagor. It will lose him respect. If the one who raises him does not believe in his ability, then no wolf will either” she growled her ears back. I swallowed my trepidation. She was right. I could not show faithlessness in my baby fluff. I took a deep breath and tried to tamp down on my rapidly beating heart. It must have been enough because she put her ears forward again and nodded to Ungo. 

“I can hear them now” Ungo muttered to me. I swallowed forcing myself to remain calm.

“Dagor?” I asked gripping my beautiful robes tightly in one hand. 

“not his turn yet” he answered back as the she-wolf snapped “Don’t show signs like that either.” I unclenched my hand from the fabric and practiced being as calm as Tar-Mairon. Or at least looking like it. I sighed finally being able to hear wolves growling and barking in the distance as well as shouts. It still took what felt like an eternity to get close. It was likely only 10 or so minutes, but everything feels like an eternity when something precious is at stake. We entered a huge room filled with even more wolves then had been in the other place. I tried not to show my shock or gape too obviously. There must be hundreds of wolves in here, maybe thousands. I thought that they were all in the other place and that was all of them. Ungo gave me a look like he was disappointed in my surprise and muttered something about a war which I just frowned at. 

I spotted Tar-Mairon shining golden a short distance away. He was leaning back looking very relaxed in a raised dais resembling a throne. Wolves were engaged below with vicious bites and looking very much like they wanted to kill each other. I looked to Ungo for further explanation about why they were fighting, but before I could open my mouth a shiver wracked my body and I turned back to Tar-Mairon. His golden angelic gaze captured mine even from far away and I could almost feel him summoning me to his side. I broke eye contact and gave an awkward smile to Ungo before weaving my way delicately through throngs of wolves. I tried to show no fear, but they seemed aggressive anyway. None of them attacked me on my way, but one did growl as I accidentally brushed his fur on my past him. 

“Little one” Tar-Mairon said in a tone resembling affection and resting his fingers on my cheek “you have finally awoken”. His leaned forward on his throne-like chair and lifted me up. I jerked in surprise for a moment as he sat me down on his lap with an arm around me. “Fear not. I would never have let your own little one go take his turn without you” he whispered into my ear. I shivered slightly and dulcet tones that somehow showed both warmth and coldness at the same time. I gasped as one of the wolves in front of viciously lunged and took the other by his throat slamming him down hard on the ground. He shook him a bit and the other wolf let out pitiful whine baring his throat as soon as he was released. He limped off as the other wolf howled in victory. I could feel Tar-Mairon smiling behind me in that way of his. He was pleased with this inane violence. He made a gesture and I felt eyes widen as Dagor strutted his way in front of us. Another small wolf entered as well. 

“Tar-Mairon” I whispered trying not to let panic take over and remembering the she-wolf’s words.

“hush now little one” he said petting my hair “this is traditional for wolves. They must show their strength to be part of the pack. Losing does not necessarily mean they did not show strength.” I closed my eyes trying to piece together the meaning of his words through my frustration and forced slow heartbeat. I had to briefly wonder if I would have been able to control my heartbeat like this before I came here. I think that I have much more control over my body and its reactions then I did before coming here. Of course, I have also had my mouth sewn shut so there is much more motivation to remain in control.   
“Begin” he ordered. I felt my heart drop as Dagor and the other wolf began circling each other making fake moves in to test the others reaction. How does Dagor even know this? I should have asked Ungo to teach him to fight. 

I sniffed keeping my heartrate slow and closed my eyes refusing to watch. 

“Dagor’s mother is quite right in the wolves are also watching you, little one. You may want to keep your eyes open” Tar-Mairon said softly winding his fingers through my hair and letting fall slowly. How the hell did he know what she said to me all the way back there? I stared him completely floored by how he knew what we spoke of, but he just gave my hair a playful tug and looked forward. I sucked in a deep breath as they finally connected. It just as vicious a connection as the adult wolves had early with furious biting and kicking. Dagor was getting rolled right now. The other little wolf just bit his paw hard and knocked him back so far, he almost hit other wolves that were surrounding them. 

I let out a gasp my eyes connecting to several orcs behind them as well. I cannot believe that I failed to notice them when I was with Ungo. They are so horrific to look at it that its incredible that I missed seeing them. I scowled angrily remembering Airawende’s story when she first landed here. I want them all to die. Painfully. Tar-Mairon leaned forward and rest his chin on my shoulder. 

“Such anger is in your heart. Tell my, my small one, what put it there?” he whispered silkily. I looked at him out of the corners of my eye and folded my arms. 

“they are terrible!” I exclaimed trying to keep my voice low. 

“Are they my dear? So terrible? Didn’t you already kill one yourself and feel grief over it? How so quickly that regret has washed away” he was smiling now. I gave him another look and then winced seeing Dagor get brutally kicked off of his opponent. 

“Tar-Mairon do something please” I begged feeling panic. Something told me he wasn’t going to show he was strong enough for the pack in this fight. 

“You should allow nature to take its course with wolves to a degree Haldamire” he said moving his chin off my shoulder and relaxing back again. 

“Please, Tar-Mairon, don’t let Dagor die. Please, please. I will ask Ungo to teach him to fight. Tar-Mairon please” I pleaded beginning to panic as Dagor let out high-pitched squeal of pain. 

“What will you give me in return for this Haldamire?” Tar-Mairon asked conversationally as if we were not discussing life and death.

“Anything you want. Please” I whimpered pushing my head into his chest to reinforce my point. 

“That’s a dangerous allowance to give Haldamire” Tar-Mairon said catching my eyes with his golden ones. They were lit by fire now dancing with amusement and dark promise. 

“I don’t care. Please don’t let him die” I said dejectedly. Tar-Mairon just made a sound of consideration, but if I know Tar-Mairon then he has already made up his mind and is just leaving me in suspense. I looked down refusing to see my baby fluff get even more injured. 

“Watch Haldamire” Tar-Mairon ordered sounding sterner than he had all day. Tufts of fur were flying and most of it was Dagor’s. I shook as the other small wolf slipped under him and flipped him over. I looked back at Tar-Mairon who gave me a charming smile and I scowled looking back at Dagor. I choked in near disbelief as Dagor suddenly seemed to catch his balance from getting flipped and lunged for the other wolf. He tried to dodge back, but Dagor caught him around the throat. Why couldn’t he freaking do this earlier? Dagor slammed down on the ground reminding me very much of the fight that happened right before them, but he did not let go like the other wolf had. Instead he lifted him up again and slammed him down repeatedly. I tried not to show disbelief, but it was hard. I did not want Dagor to be hurt or fight, but I also had not expected to see him this vicious. Dagor released the other small wolf and put a paw over his windpipe and howled. 

“Satisfied now, little one?” Tar-Mairon asked running his hand through my hair again. I whipped around to stare at him. Did he do that? How could he do that? My disbelief seemed to amuse him for he whispered things about many abilities.

“Will you teach me?” I finally asked feeling relieved to see Ungo approach Dagor and see them walk off together. 

“Teach you what?” Tar-Mairon asked pleasantly even though he knew perfectly well what I was asking. 

“magic” I said fidgeting “like how you mentioned before”.

“you want to learn magic now, do you? Now that you see how it can help you” Tar-Mairon’s tone was colder then normal, but I didn’t focus on it. If Tar-Mairon taught me magic, then I could defend myself and Dagor. No one would ever know and maybe one day we could both escape this place. Or maybe Tar-Mairon would take us with him somewhere else. 

“Haldamire, Haldamire, Haldamire” Tar-Mairon purred softly. I looked at him in faint confusion and then gasped when I felt a hand close around my throat. I tried to swallow but couldn’t. Choked breaths left me in horrid gasps as what felt like still closed even tighter. I tried to gasp out his name, but my mouth couldn’t form words.

“Don’t you remember what I said about swearing yourself to me to learn magic. Do you think me a fool who cannot grasp your selfish whims to learn magic? You are not ready until you are completely mine.” He said as my arms came up automatically to try and pull his hand off me. “little one, you have made a very foolish mistake to believe you can deceive me”. Black spots swam in my vision as my breathing lessened. I horribly choked whimper escaped me as my attempts to pull him off my throat become feeble. He released me suddenly and I pitched forward gasping for breath with blackness still encroaching my vision. He caught my before I could fall off his lap onto the floor and pulled me back into resting against him. My breathing was laborious, and my thoughts all muddled. I let out a terrified little whimper hoping he would not sew my mouth closed again. 

“Watch Haldamire” Tar-Mairon ordered “the wolves have only just begun”


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I know its been a while, but I needed help with some parts of this chapter. A huge, huge, huge, tremendous thank you to Iterations for helping me and advising with certain situations in this chapter. That being said TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT. Please skip this chapter if you have any issues or grief reading a somewhat detailed account of sexual assault.

I barely managed to keep myself from screaming in terror as I felt something shaking me. My eyes shot open and I immediately pushed myself to the far side of our bathing pool.

“You” I muttered still shaking in fright seeing the teacher stare at me hand still up where my shoulder had been. I shook my head rapidly clearing the daze of deep sleep. Fortunately, the fright had made adrenaline instantly end most of it.

“I’m not supposed to speak, but he’s been waiting for you. I’m afraid he will be impatient soon and come” She hissed urgently. I looked past her nearly expecting to see the imposing figure with red eyes and horns in the shadows. I rubbed my hands together feeling how wrinkly they had gotten just lying in the water. Almost room temperature now. I took a deep breath closing my eyes. My hands started shaking as my thoughts drifted to last time, I saw him.

I grimaced as needles danced throughout my legs when the teacher grabbed my arm and helped pull me up. How long did I stay in here asleep? Was she stuck waiting this entire time? I grimaced in frustration at myself. I should never let my guard down in this place. She hurried me out of the water and quickly dried me off. I tried to avoid thinking about what was happening to Haldamire, but it was hard to truly avoid. I hoped she was not suffering, but really suffering is unavoidable here. I blew out a breath trying to think of anything else to think of. I did not want to think about who was waiting, apparently impatiently, for me nor did I want to keep myself in suspense always wondering how Haldamire was faring.

I let out a little yelp as the teacher pulled a little too hard on my hair as she brushed it out and began pinning it up. Honestly, what she was doing was unusual. He told me he liked my hair down. She continued at a rapid pace and quickly divested me of my towel like cloth when she finished with my hair. She disappeared for a moment and right when I was beginning to feel awkward standing around with no clothes on, she returned. Just like all the other clothes I wear except with a belt. I muttered something darkly under my breath as she fastened it quickly and too tightly. She made no move to loosen it and simply grasped my arm gently and practically made us run out of the room.

I could feel myself getting out of breath at our pace and slowed down. The teacher looked at me with an expression of resignation and fear. She always looks afraid, but I have not actually seen anyone do anything to her. Well, except that time Tar-Mairon forced her obedience and bow. Has she been beaten or tortured like us? Do I have a permanent look of fear in my eyes too? Do I look like a cowed little girl to everyone here? I scowled feeling heat creep up my neck in anger and embarrassment. Even if I do, I am too scared to do anything about it. My stomach is twisting itself up in knots just thinking about seeing him again. And we freaking live together. 

She released my arm and stepped back. I did not think she would go in with me, but there is always hope until its gone. I tried to smile at her, but my facial features refused to rearrange themselves into a happier expression. She looked taken aback at my attempt and patted my cheek like a parent would with pity undisguised in her eyes. She has been weird ever since he kissed me. I walked down myself until I was at the cavern. Glancing around I realized it was empty. How odd and unexpected.

“you look so… relieved Airawende” I whipped around hearing Gothmog’s voice sound from behind me. Did I just pass him without seeing him? I hesitated and then decided to say nothing. He hadn’t really asked me a question and I’m not going to test speaking without permission again. “You have really improved your manners, but I must admit that I almost miss that stubbornness. Almost” He said approaching me. I tried to suppress a scowl at his words, but clearly, I failed because he laughed.

“You may speak freely for now” He said beckoning me to him with his hand. I forced my feet to move forward despite how heavy and lead like they felt. He cocked his head nearly imperceptibly. “Nothing to say?”

I swallowed away dryness in my throat and mouth forcing out a quick “thank you” knowing he expected it. He looked over me critically eyes focusing on my hair. I knew she had messed up when she pinned it up. He’s going to be mad. I was too afraid to look at his eyes and see the fiery rage there, so I looked down meekly instead. I almost closed eyes fearing a reaction, but he just started undoing it. Strangely gently. I could barely feel his hands sliding through and pulling out whatever the teacher had used to put it up. My hair was still damp and fell around me very straight and dark from the water. My reached up and touched my hair in mild surprise at the gentleness and no anger. I looked up to find him studying me again with an unusual glint dancing in his red eyes.

I gasped in surprise finding myself pushed up against one of the caverns walls. He was so fast sometimes. We weren’t even really close to one of the cavern walls.

“what are you doing?” I whimpered trying to push myself off the wall.

“Airawende. You are innocent no?” He said, but without the tone of a question. I made a noise of bafflement. He towered over me, but leaned boring his red eyes into my confused ones. “I have learned much of elven hroa’s, but not nearly enough”. I stared at him not understanding what he was talking about.

“Elven hroa’s?” I mumbled trying to work through what he was going on about. What is trying to learn about elvish bodies. At least I can remember what hroa and fea is. He didn’t answer me simply pinning my hands over my head with one of his hands. He began unfastening my belt with the other and then everything he was talking about suddenly made sense.

“No stop!” I squealed trying to kick out. If he was deterred or if it made any effect at all, he certainly did not show it. “Stop. Stop” I cried trying to kick him. He merely shifted until more of his weight pushed into me.

“you don’t need to cry like that Airawende. I understand this perfectly natural” He snapped as he pulled off my belt and the robes loosened around me.

“This isn’t going to teach what you want” I cried desperation clouding my voice and panic eroding my sense “I am not an elf. You won’t learn about elvish hroa’s from me” I nearly screamed trying to force logic into this. He paused for a moment.

“You don’t understand” his voice implied incredulity and that he thought whatever I said was stupid. I tried to writhe free of his grip on my wrists but could not. “My elvish hroa, little one” He offered.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I wailed trying to kick him again.

“Enough of this” he ordered “cease your volatile behavior immediately.” I screamed and thrashed in response crying. “Why are you like this Airawende?” he demanded finally sounding frustrated “You’ll enjoy it too”. I tried to kick again but he grabbed my leg.

“let go! Let go!” I shouted my voice raising in volume each time I said.

“I said” His voice was deadly quiet “enough of this”

I shut up immediately at the tone. Despite what was happening, I was still very terrified of being hurt again and my feet ached slightly at the threat.

“Don’t” I whimpered my tears ceasing to fall “I’m scared. I don’t want to”

“Don’t be afraid Airawende” he said slowly sliding his hand up my thigh “You’ll want to soon”. I shook my head silently turning away from him as his hand settled lightly on my thigh. I shook my head, blinking rapidly. I shivered as his mouth met my neck and trailed kisses up to my jaw. His body temperature was so hot that I couldn’t help but wonder if there would be red marks from heat everywhere we touched. I could feel his hot breath against my neck as he pushed more of his weight into me on the wall. He was whispering something to me, but I was too dazed by the heat to focus fully on it. 

I tried to shift away as his hand moved away from my thigh and instead moved up to the fabric resting on my shoulder. He hooked a finger in it and slid over my shoulder and down my arm. I jerked away harder, but froze at the look he gave me. 

“No, don’t” I whimpered pleadingly as he moved the fabric off my shoulder on the other side and it slid down my body without the belt to hold it up. I couldn’t stop it with my hands above my head. The fabric ended up bunched between us where his body was pinning mine to the wall. 

With excruciating slowness, he trailed up his hand from where the fabric had ended up between us until his finger glided gently over one of my bare breasts. I could heat and shame creeping up my neck and face as I looked away too afraid to do anything. 

I squealed and tried to kick again feeling even more shame as heat, not from him, began to gather in my body. 

“Come now Airawende” he whispered with his hot breath brushing over the skin on my neck and ear “You know you want this too”. I shook my head rapidly as he finally released my wrists. I immediately dropped them to his shoulders and tried to push him away. It was like nothing was happening and he didn’t even notice. He kissed my shoulder and then put his mouth over my breast. I shoved as hard as I could trembling in terror and sensations I did not want to be feeling. Especially with him. He let go and stepped back observing me consideringly. I quickly covered myself with my arms feeling awkward while burning with shame and anger.

“Take off your robes” his red eyes burning into me. I gathered the fabric tighter around me not daring to move. “Airawende, I won’t give you a second chance” he said coldly, belying all the heat in the room and between us. With horrible shaking hands, I began to let go of the fabric and give it the smallest push.

“I don’t know what going on here and interesting as it looks, it’ll have to wait.” I nearly choked in horror and relief hearing Langon’s voice at the entrance of the cavern.

“Langon!” Gothmog’s voice was furious and I couldn’t help screaming at the explosion of fire and what looked like shadow in front of me. I fell down cowering and trying to cover myself with the fabric as flames sparked and hissed around.


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one panic! I have not abandoned the story or anything like that. I have suffered through math class. A math class shoved into a single month! Math is my worst subject. I had a 61. Anyway, this short chapter is reassurance! I will post a longer chapter later this week and it will also be from Haldamire's POV.

I pushed my head against Tar-Mairon with a sigh. How many wolves were going to fight today? He rested his chin on the top of my head as I shifted to get more comfortable. I needed to see my little fluff to ascertain the extent of his injuries. Tar-Mairon said he would be quite well, but I must have patience. It is apparently a good virtue. 

I glowered thinking about Langon’s interruption of the wolf fight earlier. I do not trust him at all. He spoke to Tar-Mairon for a long time in a language I was unfamiliar with and when I gave Tar-Mairon a curious look all he did was smile thoughtfully and lean back without paying me anymore attention. He has also shushed me the last two times that I have tried to speak! Of course, I’m not going to push him because I certainly don’t want to have my sewn shut again, but I gave him a sulky look so he knows. 

I winced involuntarily at a horribly shrill yelp from one of the fighting wolves. It appears that his opponent had bitten into the soft flesh of his ear and tore it. I’d try to give Tar-Mairon a pitiful look to stop this wolf from getting hurt more, but it might encourage him and besides, I couldn’t look at him with his chin resting on my head. 

“Haldamire” Tar-Mairon whispered softly in to my ear moving off my head. I turned in his direction as him warm breath washed over my neck. “I need you to do something for me.” I gave a surprised jerk and looked at him wide-eyed. He needed me to do something for him? What could I do for Tar-Mairon. “If not for me then for your little friend Haldamire” My mouth dropped open in shock. Airawende? He needed me to do something for Airawende? “Will you help your friend Chloe?” 

I choked out an astonished assent after a long pause of shock. Then listen to me closely. He leaned forward and I started leaning too with a strange feeling pass over me. His golden eyes are so hypnotic.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy, howdy. I will be honest and say that this is likely not going to be the best chapter because I am drunk currently and wrote this drunk, but tell me what you all think about it? It still fits into the plot. I feel kinda depressed lately with corona-virus and not having a post-grad job anymore so motivation is hard to come by in terms of updating. Never fear though, I will not abandon this story. I jut want to add hoW much everyone's reviews mean to me. Aredheldraugh, Iterations, Lomion, Sansa, Huldi, Loyalheart, Ara, Starlight and all the guests/anons! All you guys keep the inspiration going!!! It means more than words can sat

The next thing I was aware of was the presence of hot tears falling down my cheeks and arms wrapped around me. I blinked gripping Airawende tighter as the tears fell faster. I did not know how I knew, but I knew it was her that I was hugging. 

“Tar-Mairon told me things” I croaked out releasing her and gripping her shaking hands in mine. She looked determined and scared at the same time. 

“I know Haldamire, I know, you just told me” She said doggedly. I felt puzzlement slide through me. What was it Tar-Mairon told me and how did Airawende already know?

“b..but” I started before she cut me off.

“it is alright” She squeezed my hands tight. Confusion swirled through. I just saw her, just now. How could I have told her anything? And how the hell did I get here? I know Tar-Mairon had a message for me to send to help Airawende, but the last thing I remember is nothing but Tar-Marion’s warm breath and mouth next to my ear. “I can do it Haldamire. Don’t you trust me?” She asked giving a small smile under the tears. What did she want to do? I needed to know. I felt dread creeping through me, but also hope and I did not know what to believe in. 

“Airawende” I said her name our hands still gripping each other. “Chloe” I choked out in garbled whisper leaning in close. She stifled a yelp of shock and, I think, pleasure. She was happy that I used her original name. 

“I knew you were never as compliant as you acted. You just happen to be subtler” She said conspiratorially in a choked voice. I did not contradict her. Tar-Mairon would not punish me for this. At least not this time. Not when I am using it to….? To what? What am I using it for? I love Chloe as my sister, but why do I need her real name for manipulation? Would I not normally say it? There was something missing here. I needed to find out what. 

I released her hands with a muffled shout of pain gripping my head as pain exploded. 

“Haldamire!” Chloe shouted and then whispered “Leila, Whats the matter? Are you okay?”

“I..I…I am fine” I said feeling the pain subside slightly “ I swear” I added at her dubious expression.

“you don’t look” She began until I cut her off rapidly.

“I am fine Airawende. I swear, but I must go now” I said feeling inexplicable terror and bolting towards the door. “I love you. You are my best friend. Do whatever I said” I said urgently feeling a strange conviction that her doing whatever I had instructed was the best plan. I caught of glimpse of confusion and pain in her face, but also the determination that had been there when I had returned to myself. I ran breathless out of the cave that I spoke to her in. 

I stopped gasping when I felt that I run far enough away and leaned against the wall closing my eyes. What was happening to me? I was afraid, deeply afraid. More afraid then when I had my mouth sewn shut. That was more physical pain then the terror of not knowing. I could myself sliding but refused to hold myself up. I sat with my head against the wall for some time trying to think everything but finding nothing. I felt lost again as some orcs stopped in confusion and excitement at my presence. I rose feeling unbridled frustration and hatred spread its wings. 

I could not think fast enough to translate the words nor did I really want to. I simply stood up and stared at them asking who wanted to face the wrath of Tar-Mairon for touching me or even looking at me. An unusual vindicating pleasure radiated through me at their expression as they hurried on spitting in anger and malice showing through. I felt a dark smile begin and wondered if it was a good time to ask Tar-Mairon to teach me.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda where things get into AU realm, but I want to stay as close to canon as possible. Let me know what y'all think!

I screamed again hearing what sounded like an earthquake as searing heat seemed to descend over everything. Fabric slipped maddeningly through my shaking fingers as I tried to cover my head and shoulders with it as a sort of fire shield. Or at least I did until it caught on fire. With a yelp of pain and surprise I threw it off as fast as I could feeling my skin start to blister where my hands had yanked it off. The smell of singed hair threw me for a moment before I realized that it came from me and where the fabric rested over my head. I held up a burned strand in disgust and shock.

I was quickly jolted out of my lapse of horror at my parts of my hair having been singed and burned as Langon tried to raise a placating hand at the shadow and fire monstrosity rushing at him.

“Our master calls” He said the words in rush as if to make sure he had enough to get them out before Gothmog reached him. It was quite unusual to see someone as calm and collected have even the barest trace of unease. I screamed and covered my head at the enraged roar that Gothmog had emitted without meaning to. He was so frightening in that fire shadow form. I could not really think in my right mind there was so much fear. Especially with nothing between me and monster him. He was not even focused on me, but the fear was overpowering.

I watched through my hands as Langon’s placating one was lowered and he bowed his head respectfully. Gothmog did not go back to his other form. Langon turned and he followed in his fire shadow form after him. The floor shook as his footsteps thundered across it. I closed my eyes as the fire monster turned and looked at me. I didn’t open them until the colossal steps and the trembling ground had fully disappeared. I choked out a relieved snort of pained laughter. What was even happening anymore? I felt at my hair as strands broke off and fell where they had been burned. At least my face and neck did not get blistered at all like my hands. I gazed at them. It was not too bad for a blistered burn. I peered closer. Something didn’t look or feel right.

I shivered feeling frustrated and scared of Gothmog’s reaction when he returned as well as puzzled about why I was confused about the burns on my hands. He had some weird fascination with my hair. Something tells me that he really is not going to be happy about this. I also don’t think Langon is all that safe with how much he needles Gothmog. Or maybe they have been doing that forever?

“Airawende?” Came a quiet voice fearfully. I looked up in shock and whipped my head around towards the entrance of the cavern.

“HALDAMIRE” I shouted in joyful confusion. She looked terrified and put a finger to her mouth looking around. I cut off my squeal of happiness immediately understanding. She wasn’t supposed to be here. Obviously. Gothmog would be furious and no one wants that. Maybe she snuck away from Tar-Mairon. Terror clawed into my happiness as I thought back at the monstrosity of flames and shadow weaved together in the colossal form of Gothmog.

I still could not hold myself back. Not after so long of her absence. It was a keen knife into my heart and my loneliness. I felt tears well up and I hugged her as hard as I could. I felt a moment of hesitation, understood it as the fear she was obviously feeling having snuck in here, and let the tears fall as she hugged me back. I noticed the glassy look in her eyes as we parted and gave a sad smile. She did not want to cry.

“oh Haldamire. How have you come here?” I choked out in a whisper.

“Airawende. Listen to me. No. Chloe. Chloe listen to me. Tar-Mairon told me something important to inform you of” She said ignoring my question.

“inform me of” I said with a little strained laugh “you sound like him already”

“This is serious Airawende.” She frowned leaning forward to take my hand in hers.“Its about your fea”

“What?” I said baffled thinking about the word fea. That was like soul in this language.

“Tar-Mairon told me that your fea will rip apart in pain if you are” She leaned in closer to whisper “taken by force”

“You mean raped” I said bluntly gripping her hand tighter. The glassy sheen of tears was still in her eyes despite the firm tenor of her voice.

“You have to do something first. So it stays whole” She said urgently “You need to bond with someone”.

“Oh, Haldamire, I don’t think we are like these people. You know stuff like this happens back where we came from all the time” I muttered rolling my eyes at her soul dramatics.

“No!” She said raising her voice a little before looking around and lowering it again “We don’t know what will happen. Tar-Mairon said its like an experiment, but that he would prefer not risking your sanity if the blood infusions have changed the nature of our fea too”

“Experiment” I said feeling offended “Tar-Mairon thinks we are experiments?”

“Forget that!” She said staring at me in horror. “You need to think about what I just said. If the maia blood changed our feas that Tar-Mairon said you may literally die if you are forced!” 

“Maybe that’s a good thing” I said sulkily staring into her glassy tearful eyes.

“No. no. Don’t say that to me!” she hissed “never say that again.”

“How can I bond my fea to something to prevent its death?” I said in an almost sarcastic tone quaking back slightly at the vehemence against my words of death. 

“your fea wouldn’t die!” She sighed frustratedly “it would be broken and then you would fade away”.

“huh” I closed my eyes feeling more confused then ever.

“Just do what I tell you” She said in a pleading tone giving me an injured look with a tear sliding down her cheek.

“What do you want me, or what does Tar-Mairon, want me to do?” I said feeling grief rend into my heart at her look at my situation.

“He wants you to seduce that elf you met in the dungeons” She said in a strangely matter of fact way. I stared at her and then laughed.

“Really? Is seduction not force? What if he dies” I tried not laugh at the insanity of her plan.

“He won’t” She said determinedly. “You wont even really need to seduce him. He will do it just to spite Gothmog. I’m sure of it. ”

“You are sure are you?” I said feeling anger towards Tar-Mairon “this sounds stupid. Why would I want my fea to bond to someone anyway”.

“but I just told you” She sounded puzzled “To prevent it from being damaged when Gothmog finally acts”

“If its “bonded” I said stressing the word bonded “then it wouldn’t it be like damaged twice over if it was tied to someone?”

“I don’t” she began and then stopped “I don’t know and we don’t have time to go ask Tar-Mairon do we?” 

“oh, Haldamire” I said feeling more tears slip down my cheek “This is mad and foolish. Permanent from the sounds of it and painful for us both. What does a fea bond even entail or mean? How could I even go down there before Gothmog returns to finish things.”

“Yes” she said urgently “someone will come get you soon and take you to the dungeon. Tar-Mairon does not know how many times you’ll have to go. He says with competency only twice. He also said you might be able to persuade Gothmog not to act by pretending you want to, but you are not ready. Plead for time but sound like you want it.” She said quickly. 

“Haldamire. No Leila” I said embracing her and she embraced me back. We stayed that way holding each other tightly for several moments. She started crying at some point and I let myself cry too.

“Tar-Mairon told me things” Haldamire said as our embrace slackened and she picked up my hands. I gave her a puzzled look.

“I know Haldamire. You just told me” I felt confusion and laughter swell up in me almost hysterically. Nothing was funny about what Tar-Mairon had her tell me.

“b..b..but” Haldamire tried to say. I had to stop this going any further. I didn’t need to be told a second time what his horrible plan was.

“it is alright” I said soothingly. “I can do it Haldamire” I said in the most reassuring voice that I could muster. If she believed Tar-Mairon that this was preventing my fea from making me fade die then she needed to believe that I would do it. “don’t you trust me?” I asked giving a little smile.

“Airawende” she said then paused before saying “Chloe”. I smothered a choked laugh of happiness at my name. She was saying it like she hadn’t just done so a minute or so ago.

“I knew you were never as compliant as you acted. You just happen to be subtler” I said giving a little squeeze on her now trembling hands. It was completely true. Haldamire was not afflicted with the same level of stubbornness as me. Even when it caused me pain, I took a while to learn things. Haldamire jerked suddenly and let out a shout of stifled pain.

“Haldamire!” My voice rose in horror at her cry “Leila, Whats the matter? Are you okay?” Did Gothmog somehow do this? Did he know she was here? Impossible. She waved me away with mutterings of being “fine”. I scowled at her disbelievingly.

“you don’t look” I began firing up an argument, but she shut me down.

“I am fine Airawende” she said wiping her tears. I gave her a look and she sighed “I swear, but I must go now” I released her hands reluctantly. I said nothing feeling grief slither its way into my hear as I let out a whispered “Goodbye Leila” that was too low for her to hear.

I watched Haldamire leave with the most disquieting look of confusion mingled with hope. At least her eyes weren’t glassy with tears anymore. I wiped the remnants of wetness of my cheeks trying to pull myself together. It wouldn’t do much at all to look excited about seeing Haldamire or unusually sad if Tar-Mairon’s idea is going to work. I chewed on my thumbnail thinking about what to say, but also how to be natural.

“Inevitable, but ways to push it off until my fea is secure” I repeated to myself pacing back and forth. Honestly, I had no idea what exactly Haldamire was talking about in securing my “fea”. She swore it would make sense after I convinced Maedhros to sleep with me before Gothmog does. How exactly is that supposed to “secure my fea” I do not comprehend.

I let out a sigh of consternation glaring heatedly at the wall. I wish we had more time together. Time for this all to be explained as well as time just for each other. I kicked my foot against the floor and instantly regretted it at the throbbing that started up. It was so easy to make my feet prickle and ache. It was healing faster then I had thought possible, but it still felt like an eternity with having to walk everywhere. Not that I really go anywhere most of the time. Just that once. I tapped my foot sulkily thinking about the other fire demons witnessing that moment. I wonder if something like that has happened to Haldamire. I shuddered thinking about it and sat with a sigh.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it seems like I went a month with no inspiration and now its endless. I also have not edited this chapter, but I will do it later. I just thought y'all may be interest in it anyway.

“You look atrocious” came a cold voice from the mouth of the cavern. I whipped my head around and started at a very tall lady. Red eyes narrowed in mirth and disdain at my reaction with at the surprise that must have been evident on my face. She didn’t exactly have the same feeling as Langon or Gothmog so I wasn’t sure she was Maia too. All the same, if she was, I had better not start running my mouth. I said nothing. She made a noise of disappointment.

“I heard you were the insolent one” she said slowly approaching “but maybe this” she slowly touched my hair “tamed your tongue”. I glared at her feeling irate at the taunt.

“Who are you?” I finally asked in the politest tone I could manage.

‘who am I?” she said with a laugh. “I am Thuringwethil”

“Thuringwethil” I repeated. Her name slipped off the tongue easily for something so long.

“I so long for a foray into your taste” she said eying me speculatively.

“A what into to what” I gasped shocked as she revealed a sharp canine and ran her tongue over it.

“You know what I said little pet” her red eyes bored into me but lacked the fire of Gothmog’s and the intense calculations of Langon’s. I bristled internally at the insult but tried not show it on my face. “woefully I may not. He would notice. Now come” she ordered turning on heel and leaving the cavern.

I stared after her for a moment and then promptly followed. I could feel exhaustion behind my eyes at the horrible and wonderful day. I saw Haldamire! But this plan of Tar-Mairon is nerve-wracking. She was creepy and frightening, but it a completely different way then Langon or Gothmog. She was very chilling. I sighed thinking about how it took forever to go anywhere in this place.

I shivered after walking behind the tall woman for nearly 2 hours as goosebumps erupted from the cold depths as we descended, finally, into the dungeons. She cocked her head at me.

“need any advice? I can tell you all the right places to put your mouth” she said licking a fang suggestively. I stared at her my face going red. She smirked producing a key and opened the door. It creaked with the sound of angry metal hinges. I tried to ignore her look as I slipped by.

“You again” his voice sounded rougher than it had before. I did not want to think about why.

“I came to ask your help” I said after staring him and fidgeting in discomfort and fear.

“my help?” he said raising an eyebrow in disbelief. I felt my face flush as his eyes caught on my strands of burned hair and lingered. I leaned against wall and slid down pressing my palms into my eyes and trying to think of how to word this.

“It’s about staying sane” I finally said my voice strangely high in terror and nervousness.

“Better not to stay sane here” he said finally staring at me appraisingly. I looked at him as my vision tried to right itself from the pressure I had applied.

“n..nn.noo” I whimpered “you don’t understand”

“I understand pain. You, however, aren’t you a precious little pet to a maia? You suffer little pain” he said as if he was disdainful of my fear.

“Not that” I said struggling with the words. He waited to say nothing and letting me compose myself. I could not help but wonder if Thuringwethil was listening. “He, you know Gothmog, wants me.” I finally whispered. His face was expressionless.

“A little pet indeed. That should offer you protection from others here no?” he said looking strangely bemused.

“I need protection from him” I nearly shouted “I don’t want to be, you know, don’t want be” I couldn’t finish. He looked like he was going to roll his eyes so I let it out in a rush “I don’t want to be raped.”

“Maiar aren’t known for being interested in the physical pursuits of creating marriage” He said staring at me like I was mad.

“but he does!” I wailed covering my face in my hands.

“How do possibly think I can help you?” He said in disbelief. I don’t think he believed Gothmog wanted to sleep with me.

“by just, you know, sleeping with me first” I said urgently giving him a pleading look. He looked dumbstruck at my words. It was an expression that only lasted for a split second as a mask replaced it.

“Why have you truly come here?” he demanded boring his eyes into mine. I whimpered in confusion and his eyes narrowed.

“I don’t understand” I quailed under his dark stare “That is why I came. Why do you not believe me? What other reason could there be?” He shook his head slowly.

“I am no fool.” He said glaring past me out the door “and if Morgoth, foul beast, thinks to tempt me into marriage” he stopped and looked at me “Then he should at least send someone tempting.” I gasped self-consciously and felt tears well up for a reason entirely then my situation.

“Not marriage” I said trying to unobtrusively wipe tears off my cheeks “just, you know, sex” I choked out the words. He looked at me and laughed. A dark sound that seemed more fitting coming from one of our captors.

“One and the same” he breathed “Can you be truly so ignorant of the Eldar or is this some ruse and you have another insidious end to complete for your masters?” he looked puzzled. I felt fury welling up in me. He was a prisoner just like me! He wasn’t better then me and people had sex without being married all the time.

“Don’t you mock me!” I spat staring at hair hoping it looked like I was looking him in the eyes. It was kind of scary to do that.

“Why would I bother to mock a pet” he sighed. 

“You’re horrible! I thought you were nice before!” I shouted angrily thinking about when I had come here. We had traded names and he laughed at my initial horrible pronunciation of his. He looked at me assesingly.

“Before? Yes, before. Has this been a plan since the start of our acquaintance? Moringotto should know better” he smiled derisively “the Eldar never make marriage choices under duress nor with those we do not love.” I was totally baffled at his speech.

“Moringotto? Who is that?” I said my hands clutched together tightly and the taste of blood welling in mouth where I bit my cheek to suppress crying for hurt feelings about my looks. He stared at me, but I already forgot my question as horror gripped me. I was not focusing on the real problem. Haldamire said my fea might be broken! He wasn’t going to follow Tar-Mairon’s plan.

“no, please! You have to” I wailed completely cutting off any potential answer about this Moringotto and feeling tears once again “Tar-Mairon said…”

“Tar-Mairon said!” he spat his dark silvery eyes flashing with a frightening emotion and I felt myself pull back at it. He was nearly as frightening as the Maiar when his eyes burned “that foul snake has his fangs of deceit into you”

“No! My soul will be broken!” I argued feeling indescribable panic.

“You foolish little girl” he scoffed giving me a semi pitying look mingled with fury “I admit to not being familiar with mortals or interacting with them. Yet I know they do not go to Mandos.”

“What the hell is Mandos?” I cried “Why does it matter? And what is the word mortal?”

“I will not lower myself to marriage with a mortal in these halls of torment. You would do well not to follow the advice of _Tar-Mairon_” he said with scorn in his voice ignoring all my questions.

“I’m not a mortal” I protested weakly sitting back in confusion at the obvious insult.

“then you are an abomination wrought from dark magic” he said looking towards the door. I followed his gaze as hatred filled the silver.

“Well, well kinslayer” Thuringwethil almost purred from the doorway staring at blood that dried on his body.

“Foul demoness” he spat. I scooted as far away from him as possible.

“Such blood you have on your hands. I wonder if it makes the taste of yours richer?” she said showing off her fangs.

“You know nothing of what you speak about!” he said lowly eyes shining brightly with fire.

“Oh, I don’t know. I think Alqualonde is common knowledge now” she tossed her pitch black over her shoulder in a strangely human gesture.

“You..” The tall elf began, but she cut him off.

“This will be more blood on your hands wont it?” she asked sweetly.

He shook his head and leaned back closing his eyes. “Don’t play with me witch. Her fea would be bound with mine. He would know immediately. You want something else”

“Who? Me? Of course,_ I_ want something else. My lord said I could drink of your blood when you refused” she nipped her thumb and rubbed dark red blood across her mouth with it looking maniacal. I choked staring at the red-headed elf in shocked horror. He gave me a disgusted look.

“I told you once before not to bow to them in my place. Do not bow to them ever. No matter the pain they give you in return” He said glaring at Thuringwethil. I made a noise of horror in my throat as Thuringwethil laughed.

“You’ll bow, _your majesty_” she said and laughed again. What about my fea? Who care about bowing now?

“But my fea!” I cut with a panicky tone.

“Your fea?” Maedhors said a strange tone. I screamed at his sudden movement up as he rushed towards me.

“What the hell are you doing?” I gasped feeling his hands catch mine and pin them down. One of his legs was awkwardly pulled back by a chain attaching it in the wall, but it didn’t seem to stop him from managing to pull me under him. I was vaguely aware of Thuringwethil staring at us hungrily as he straddled me. This was as bad and terrifying as Gothmog. Somehow worse because he thought I was ugly.

“Is this what you wanted?” he whispered aggressively in my ear pushing his body down on mine and forcefully using his other hand to feel down my side. I yelped at the bruising force and began struggling.

“Let go of me” I cried feeling tears well up again. He laughed darkly and moved off me.

“Your fea won’t break from violation. You are not of the Eldar or Elves” he said as Thuringwethil made a noise of disappointment. I stayed where I was on the floor trying to not to cry anymore and thinking about what he said.

“Tar-Mairon said…” I finally interjected into the silence when I was sure my voice would not waver.

“Be silent” the red-haired elf spat upon hearing the name “He is a deceiver. And you are a fool.”

“Come now” Thuringwethil said waving an airy hand “Its time for us to go if you don’t want to be gone when he returns.” 


	50. Ren Fair Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! I'm so excited to share with y'all some of Amulet's art she made!!!! It's so awesome. This is a fun little 2 part AU chapter like the Christmas one, but back in the Ren Fair. You will find some hints and just those situations that can only occur when ME beings end up in earth.

“I am so excited for this year’s Ren fair” Chloe said sighing happily as she collapsed back on Leila’s bed.

“same” Leila said continuing to click on her laptop hunting for makeup ideas to go along with their costumes.

“How come you don’t want to be fairies again?” Chloe asked closing her eyes lazily.

“we have done that for the past 4 years Chloe. I want to try something else” Leila said jabbing a finger towards the closet which Chloe didn’t see as she had her eyes shut.

“But, come one Leila, why peasants?” Chloe murmured in a slightly sardonic tone. She quite liked the dresses they had as “peasants”. Leila made a noise of protest at Chloe’s insufferably, but did not comment.

“Its nearly 6am” she said instead “we need to get dressed and look at these two simple makeup ideas I have saved for us”. Chloe made a sleepy noise of contentment until Leila got up and smacked her across the face with a pillow.

“Alright, alright, I’m up already jeez” Chloe pushed herself back off Leila’s bed and headed towards the closet. “What did you say these are called again?” Chloe asked as she woven a metal chain like a corset across the front after a minute of dressing herself.

“A dirndl” Leila said way too cheerily for the early hour as she approached Chloe with ribbons in her hands. She was already dressed and waited patiently until Chloe sat and she could braid the ribbons into her golden blonde hair. She was very efficient and soon Chloe was braiding Leila’s dark brown, nearly black, locks and placing fake flowers in them.

“Maybe we shouldn’t wear makeup” Chloe said as Leila began rifling through her drawers for her makeup supplies “peasants didn’t, right?” Leila glanced up at Chloe considering.

“but maybe” She started until Chloe interrupted.

“It so hot that it will melt off and be problematic in the afternoon anyway” she argued not wanting to go to the effort of makeup. 

“that was never a concern when we went as fairies” Leila grunted, but acquiesced.

“Let’s go then!” Chloe squealed.

“Who is driving the first half?” Leila asked. Chloe shrugged noncommittally and Leila rolled her eyes heading to the driver’s seat. 15 minutes later Leila was contently listening to podcasts as drove onto the highway while Chloe had managed to fall asleep. She slept until Leila had driven halfway and woke with many grumbles before taking her turn driving the rest of the way to the Ren Fair.

“we need a map first off” Leila said as they approached one of the entrances.

“No, lets just explore anything and everything. We can find specific things later” Chloe said shaking her head.

“But we should get a map in any case even if its for later” Leila argued rolling her eyes and picking up a couple of maps.

“Quite right. You should always be prepared” came a surprisingly silky voice from across Leila’s other side. Both girls looked over in surprise towards the voice. Leila stared in shock in at the man’s appearance and Chloe could feel a blush rise. He looked back at them quirking an amused eyebrow at their obvious shock. Leila forced herself to glance away quickly before asking who he was.

“An old friend” he responded easily with a charming smile. His golden red hair gleamed in the morning sunlight like it had a hidden glow inside it rather then just a reflection of the sunlight.

“Where did you get your wig from?” Chloe piped up before she could stop herself marveling at the hair color as it fell down his back. He gave a light shrug and an easy wink before gesturing them through the entrance. The girls exchanged glances as they walked by and Chloe barely muffled the giggle that escaped as Leila elbowed her.

“Damn, he was so hot” Chloe whispered glancing back towards the entrance, frowning, when she could not find him. Leila shrugged and tried to hide her own blush. Chloe just smirked not fooled at all.

“Come on” She said clutching Chloe’s arm and dragging her deeper inside the fair.

“Look! Horses! I adore them” Chloe said pointing towards a makeshift stable outside a large sandy arena.

“Must be where the jousting is” Leila said pulling out her trusted map and consulting it with a nod.

“let’s go see if we can pet them” Chloe said cheerfully and heading towards the makeshift stable.

“I doubt its allowed” Leila said speculatively. Chloe ignored her and continued on without looking back to see if Leila was following.

“Excuse me” Chloe said approaching a man holding onto two different horses. Both were tall at around 16 hands and were dressed as if they were about to be mounted for jousting. They had on the horse armor and colored fabric of specific knights.

“How can I help you?” He asked smiling benignly at Chloe and giving Leila a suspicious look. Leila felt taken aback but refrained from commenting. She felt immensely glad she hadn’t as he turned and both caught the full effect of his tall figure and dark hair.

“May we pet your horse? Uh horses” Chloe asked shyly as his dark grey eyes caught hers. There was something strangely familiar about him. 

“Of course,” He said easily “you’ve always liked animals.”

“I, uh, what?” Chloe said baffled.

“You seem like an animal lover” he said amending his statement with a brief inclination of his head.

“Your Fae or Elf costume is very well done” Leila said peering at his ears. You could not even see where the point was artificially connected. He looked at Leila with a strange gleam in his eye and thanked her courteously.

“Yea, the golden ribbons are very pretty” Chloe said as she patted the nose of one of the horses. Leila hesitated at the dark haired-man’s gaze upon her as she mimicked Chloe. It was an aggressive gaze, but it was not the friendly one he had given Chloe and she couldn’t understand why.

“Thank you” Chloe said scratching the horse’s ears as he leaned his head into her “I’m Chloe by the way and that is Leila”

“Fin” he said nodding at her introduction and reached out to pat the horse himself.

“What are you doing here? Stay away from her” spat an aggressive voice and everyone turned in unison. A very tall man, taller than Fin, black haired and angry stood before them. One of the horses tried to break away with a snort of terror until Fin started whispering soothing words to them. Chloe and Leila stared at each other and backed away a few steps.

“The red eye contacts are kinda fitting” Chloe whispered to Leila behind her hand.

“they are not contacts!” he spat spinning to face them. Fin got in between the three of them with a sardonic look.

“now now brother. Let us not scare strangers away with our method acting” the golden haired one from the gate seemed to almost sashay into place beside the black haired one. He gave him a ferocious scowl.

“So what roles are y’all acting out?” Leila interjected bravely quailing under the black-haired ones look of fury and the golden ones smile. 

“We can’t just let anyone know our roles” the golden smiled brightly patting a horse “it would ruin the effect”

“Get your hands off him” Fin spat glaring with surprising anger in his grey eyes.

“Maybe everyone should just calm down” Chloe squeaked out putting her hands up in placating gesture.

“but of course,” said the golden haired one as Fin scowled, but nodded after a pause. Everyone then looked towards the black-haired guy. His arms were crossed as he gave everyone a stare down.

“So, what is your name?” Leila finally ventured when it became clear the black-haired guy wasn’t going to verbally acquiescence.

“You may call me Mairon and this is my..brother..who we just call K” He said making Leila blush as he winked at her.

“Nice to meet you” Chloe said hesitantly holding out her hand to “K” who was looking at her oddly. He stared at her hand before taking it in his and proceeded to tuck it into his arm. She let out a choked noise of surprise as Leila glared at him.

“Unhand her immediately” Fin spat looking pissed and cold at the same time.

“She is mine” he said not moving an inch as Chloe tried to surreptitiously tug her hand away.

“No, she isn’t!” Leila snapped hackles rising “this method acting is going too far” she finished with a look at Mairon.

“She’s the Feanorians now” Fin hissed with an almost invisible smirk.

“I crushed you underfoot like a mouse for stealing her once already. I’ll make you pay again for eternity if you wish” He snarled as Chloe yelped at the tug on her arm.

“steal?” he scoffed “I think rescue is a better term”

“Now, now. Let us all remember the rules and play nicely” Mairon said waving a hand. Leila scowled at everyone. He said something in a strangely musical language to black-haired guy and with a sulky glare finally released Chloe’s arm. She scurried behind Leila and they grabbed each other’s hands tightly.

“sorry” Leila said not sounding sorry at all “we need to go”

“go where?” Mairon said smiling at her.

“go to the weapons store” Chloe blurted out randomly as Leila looked at her in alarm. All three turned to stare at her. She looked towards Leila in alarm and they both turned and scurried off quickly leaving the three beautiful weirdos behind.

“that was so bizarre” Leila whispered to a rapidly nodding Chloe “don’t look back in case it encourages them.”

“Let us actually go to the weapon store” Chloe said with a furtive look around “I want a sword.” Leila laughed a bit too hard and pulled out her map. They trudged off a moment later both shooting glances around the fair.

“welcome” the smith, or store owner, or both said glancing up as they walked into the spacious tent.

“So heavy” Chloe grunted hefting a long sword up.

“very heavy indeed” said a silver haired man approaching them with a small smile at Leila and a glance at the sword “but” he began leaning in “of inferior make.”

“inferior make?” Leila asked shooting a quick glance at the store owner, but he did not seem to have heard the stranger.

“You can call me Cel” he said by way of greeting.

“Why is it inferior make?” Chloe whispered leaning towards him. He smiled knowingly and shook his head.

“It’s quite hard to explain to those who are not smiths or craftsmen” he said lifting a knife and spinning it around idly.

“ooh” Leila said looking interested “are you a craftsman”

“One of many” he said giving a strange gesture and bow towards Leila and leaving the tent.

“Looking for anything in particular?” the owner asked approaching them and looking with concern at the heavy sword Chloe was still holding up. 

“Oh, I, um, just looking” Chloe stuttered quickly allowing the owner the take the sword and gesture at smaller weapons with an amused smile.

“Find something or lets go eat” Leila said looking at Chloe as her stomach rumbled. Chloe rolled her eyes and with a quick thanks to the store owner, they both left.

“not checking the map?” Chloe said smirking at Leila.

“You just follow the smell of food” She snapped back rolling her eyes.

“Going for food? Allow us to accompany you” Came the silky-smooth voice of Mairon from beside Leila. She stared at Chloe in consternation and narrowed her eyes at the black-haired one that appeared beside Chloe.

“they won’t take no for an answer” Fin sighed walking up from behind all of them “but I will go with you too.”

“Your presence is unasked for” K sneered as Fin gave him a frigid glare.

“let us have a rematch” he said giving K an appraising look.

“I am older than time you little elfling. Yet one death under my heel was not enough for you” he said sounding incredulous.

“Let us settle this in the arena after we break lunch” he said cocking his head challengingly.

“OOOH” Leila said excitedly “Method acting for the jousting!” She turned to Chloe relieved to find a sane reason for their behavior.

“I don’t know what this word “joust” means” K said straightening “But I will crush you underfoot again” 


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Please enjoy this very stressful chapter and tremendous thanks to Ellie for editing!!!!!!!!!!!!

I blinked as smoke stung my eyes and nausea roared in me rearing up at the smell that suddenly permeated everywhere. The shock of seeing sunlight for the first time in who-knows-how-many years barely pierced the fog of horror rolling through at the high-pitched screams of pains, horrific wails, and phantasmic noises.

“Elf-lord.” I turned at the familiar voice choking in horror seeing Ungo behind me teeth bared in a horrific snarl painted red with blood. He growled deep in his voice and lunged. I let out a startled scream of terror, but he didn’t seem to hear or see me at all as he literally leapt through me. I started violently at the sight of a being nearly as tall as Tar-Mairon flinging something at Ungo. The wolf dodged and then crashed into the armored being, pushing him back.

The armor was blindingly bright in places that weren’t covered in blood or dirt, and the man, or elf as Ungo said, was beautiful and terrifying. He was almost as frightening as Ungo and I closed my eyes as they tussled and fought. A triumphant snarl had me opening my eyes to Ungo ripping into the elf’s throat as he convulsed under him. I felt tears in my eyes seeing my friend so gruesomely violent.

“UNGO,” I screamed, but he didn’t react at all. “PLEASE UNGO,” I screamed again, clutching my throat at how high-pitched I was going. I fell to my knees, clutching my stomach and dry heaving. I sobbed as I heaved, barely looking up in time to see a long arrow thud into Ungo and hear the resulting little yip. I covered my mouth in continued horror as more arrows thudded into my friend. He snarled furiously and tried to rise but fell back with a howl of pained rage.

I fell forward hearing my name called repeatedly. I blinked into Langon’s conniving eyes and promptly fell over and vomited repeatedly until there was nothing left in my stomach.

With a deep breath I peered up at Langon. He was expressionless. Not even disgust at my throwing up. My arms were trembling so badly that I could barely hold myself up on my hands and knees. I felt my hair sticking uncomfortably to the sweat on the back of my neck.

“My lord,” I finally choked out, remembering my manners and not wanting to face Tar-Mairon’s displeasure.

“Give me your hand,” he said, crouching and gingerly holding out one of his. I took it, surprised and grateful for his help. I staggered against him and he steadied me by putting an arm around me. Our height difference made it an extremely awkward support. I was breathing hard and couldn’t shake the image of Ungo ripping into that throat or the sound of his pained whine as he was pierced with a multitude of silver tipped arrows from my mind.

“Oh, what are...” I trailed off dizzily as Langon, apparently tired of the awkward support, swept my legs out from under me and picked me up. We made much faster progress this way as he strode through various hallways.

“Come now, little one. I will take you to Tar-Mairon or near him” Langon supplied smoothly. My head lolled in confusion and acceptance. Tar-Mairon and Langon spoke. I think they were allies or something.

“Where?” I asked closing my eyes as the nausea continued rolling in my stomach like a stormy sea. The smell of death and blood seemed stuck in my nostrils.

“He is speaking with our master” Langon said quietly. I made a noise of assent and then blinked in terror. Someone above Tar-Mairon? I felt a faint tugging of excitement and desire remembering jewels in a crown when I first arrived. I shuddered even as excitement to see the sparkling jewels twirled in me and I forgot why I was nauseated. Every word was power, and darkness personified from that being. He would be forever etched in my memory and I certainly did not want to have a reintroduction. 

“Lang,” I said, dazed with memory. “Please no, not him,” I pleaded. I sucked in a breath as Ungo’s whine penetrated my thoughts again. He made strangely soothing shushing noises as he continued striding with purpose down the passageways. I do not know why Airawende and I ever believed that we could escape. I do not know where the hell Langon and I are nor do I know how to find my way back.

“Will you promise me something if I don’t?” Langon asked a silky and somewhat playful voice. I nodded immediately and then opened my eyes feeling irritated with myself. I don’t even know what he wanted promised. I dry heaved once again thinking about Ungo ripping out throats and then muttered a faint “promise.” I couldn’t deal with so many things in one day.

Langon stopped a passing orc and barked out rapid words in an unknown language. It bowed quickly and sped off. I narrowed my eyes as it went back the direction it had approached us from.

“Nearly there,” Langon said, and his words rang true. Not five minutes later and the orc from before opened a door as Langon approached. It was a big room with a large table in the center and chairs scattered around it. Langon dropped me in the nearest chair and left after giving a stern order to the orc who looked at me in a confusion but nodded.

I sat up with a frightened jerk hearing my name called. Déjà vu washed over me and I grimaced as a flash of nausea bolted through me.

“Look at me, Haldamire.” Tar-Mairon order leaning down with a gently hand under my chin lifting it up. I blinked away fogginess. I couldn’t believe that I had fallen asleep in this chair. Tar-Mairon had an infinitesimal frown. I swallowed, not daring to speak. What if he was in a volatile mood? Langon stood leaning in the doorway.

“Found her asleep in a hall,” he said by way of explanation. My eyes shifted over to him in horror.

“Really, Haldamire?” Tar-Mairon asked rhetorically. “That’s quite unacceptable behavior from someone of mine.”

“Nooo, but I- It wasn’t like that,” I choked out, feeling tears as I trembled harder than I did waking up and remembering what I say.

“What was it, then?” He asked, tilting my head a bit farther back. I swallowed, feeling especially vulnerable with my neck opened to him. 

“I was just walking back and thinking about magic,” I tried to explain, but I did not even remember what happened. I came across the orcs and then nothing. “And then I saw things! Really terrible awful things! And then Langon woke me.” Desperation colored my voice. Tar-Mairon released my chin and I submissively and protectively lowered my head down as he spoke to Langon.

“What kind of ‘terrible things’?” he finally asked. I hid my gaze from him after seeing lively flames dancing in his before crying.

“I can’t,” I sobbed, feeling nausea rise in me as I thought back to what I dreamed of.

“You can and will.” Tar-Mairon said, in a thoughtful rather then angry voice.

“Noo,” I sobbed hearing Ungo’s pained whine in my head. I rubbed my eyes with my palms.

“No?” Tar-Mairon asked in a horrifyingly calm voice. It was hearing the lack of anger in his tone that really shook me out of my horrified reverie and into terror mode. 

“I didn’t mean that,” I half-shouted, half-sobbed, too afraid to look up at him.

“Haldamire,” Tar-Mairon said soothingly in front of me, “give me your hands.” I complied instantly, hoping he would let it slide. I was still breathing hard as sobs racked my body. “Give me access into your mind” he said softly, and I nodded quickly, too upset and uncomprehending of what he was really asking.

My body seized up as black filled my vision. I screamed as the violent scene replayed itself from the very beginning. It felt like what happened when I ran into his master. I nearly fell sideways off the chair as my body thrashed and my mind rebelled at the strange presence. It was over in an instant, but the vision was now fresh again in my mind and I shook in horror. Tar-Mairon was silent as he released my hands.

I stared at him as he spoke with Langon rapidly. My mind was too slow to catch everything. I looked at Tar-Mairon as he approached the door and Langon stood aside. I cocked my head in confusion. Was he just leaving me here?

“Take her to the dungeons, alone.” he said, waving a hand at me. “I have no use for disobedience, no matter how temporary.” Horror clawed itself into my heart surpassing the nausea and even overtaking the bad memories and vision.

“NO, don’t leave me!” I wailed at Tar-Mairon, but he was already gone.


	52. ART by Cherry Amulet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This isn't a chapter chapter, but an art compilation by Cherry Amulet! She finished the Chloe/Gothmog piece and I wanted to share it with y'all and I'm going to put all of the other pieces here too so you don't have to search for it when you want to see them! Also there is one black, grey, and white picture that is a sketch of something YET to happen. If anyone can guess what it is, except Amulet lol, then I will make you a special chapter like the Ren Fair and Christmas chapters. You can request the setting and characters involved. Have fun guessing! :D Also a bonus meme from Amulet


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I hope you enjoy this informational chapter. I will repost it again later with editing :D

I felt sick to my stomach as I meandered behind Thuringwethil away from the dungeons. I had only met him twice so I really should not be concerned by his insults, but they still stung. I winced as one of my hands idly touched my damaged hair. Was I ugly? I suppose compared to _him_ and Tar-Mairon, but I did not really think objectively about beauty anymore. Life here did not allow time for things like vanity and there were not many mirrors in any case. My mind flicked over to Gothmog and what had made the mess of my hair. He obviously did not think I was not tempting.

“So you taste blood?” the question popping out of my mouth before I could stop it. Thuringwethil stopped and turned to look at me with a predator’s gleam in her eye.

“Taste? I suppose I do, but I prefer to drink blood slow and deep like a fine bouquet of strongest wine” she said eerily. There was still the gleam of her own blood across her mouth from before making the statement seem even more sinister.

“Is it cause you will die without it?” I asked trying not to shy away. She was strangely alluring for a monster.

“I certainly will not die without blood.” She said haughtily as if I was giving her a grave insult. “Blood can teach you much.”

“Teach you?” I echoed disbelievingly.

“Oh yes, little girl. Blood is the essence of life. At least life of the hroa which chains the fea. Much can be discerned from a taste of blood. Much can be gained from drinking deep” She explained her gaze taking on a more assessing quality then before.

“What kind of things can be discerned and gained?” I asked feeling braver at her detailed explanation. 

“Oh the nuances of what I do are very peculiar. Some you could not truly comprehend in your feeble mind, but emotions, strength of spirit, power.” She said licking her lips and putting an emphasis on the word “power”.

“Could you tell me about me?” I asked wonderingly “If you tasted my blood”

“Perhaps, but perhaps not. If you are anything like Tar-Mairon’s little pet what I can learn is greatly affected by the added maiar blood.” She said with a graceful shrug. “But we all have secrets hidden in our veins. Secrets I could bring to light. She has the sweet flavors of light but hidden down there is the tang of darkness. Together the flavors are so intoxicating, but Tar-Mairon refuses me more.” I felt a strange flash of pity for her at those words. She looked upset and hurt by not being able to drink Haldamire’s blood more. Her face does not carry despair well. It looks almost comically wrong on such haughty features. I can’t help but wonder what else she can read from blood. What would my blood say?

“Will you?” I asked in a rush. Maybe she would be able to tell why we came here.

“Oh, believe me, I would very much like to” Thuringwethil said eyes flashing darkly “But my bite takes much longer to heal then normal wounds and he would see it.”

I stuttered for a moment thinking about that. He sometimes leaves for days on end. No telling when he might show back up again. Unfair of me to ask her to risk her life to give me information. Even if she drinks blood and wants to. I wonder if I could bite myself hard enough to draw blood. I know teeth can draw blood, obviously as she drinks blood, but could I do it to myself? I looked at my hand considering and then back up to Thuringwethil. She had turned and started walking away again and I did not hear her move. 

“Wait” I nearly shouted. I had suffered far worse than a stupid bite here. I closed my eyes and bit into the soft muscle of my hand. Pain shot through me, but I ignored it until I could taste the iron in my mouth. I spat to try and get rid of the taste. Thuringwethil had turned and was watching me with that typical Angband expressionlessness.

“You are offering this to me? Freely?” Thuringwethil said watching blood drip onto the floor with a stead pit-pat rhythm.

“I want to know what you learn about me. The secrets of my veins” I said holding out my hand.

“Very well. Perhaps you are not a little girl after all. I accept your bargain of blood” She smiled serenely and then was over my hand in a flash. I let out a little yip of startlement at how fast she moved. I closed my eyes feeling a little nip over where I had bitten. She was widening the injury a bit to get more blood. She was keeping my hand very still, but the rest of my body was slightly shaking. More from exhilaration than fear. I shivered at the extremely disconcerting feeling of my blood being drank right in front of me. I put a hand on the wall to steady myself as a bit of lightheadedness invaded my mind. She released my hand and stepped back.

“You had enough to learn?” I murmured dazedly still feeling strangely light-headed.

“Yes, I learned much from this. I would drink more if it would not be such a risk. Now put pressure on that with your other hand” She said and I blinked trying to figure out if she was pouting. I did follow her instructions and winced at the sharp pangs racing up my arm. It was not anywhere close to the pain I had already felt on my feet, but that didn’t mean I had to like it.

“How did we get here?” I asked as the bleeding eased.

“I was not privy to that knowledge” Thuringwethil said blinking at me as a crease formed between her eyes. I stared at her shocked at the human expression and trying to process the words.

“My blood didn’t tell you” my voice wobbled. Was it that stupid jewelry at Ren Fair? So Haldamire and I weren’t damned? 

“No, how would it tell me that?” She sounded genuinely puzzled. I cursed mentally.

“What did you learn?” I asked sulkily.

“Your blood” she said sighing a little bit “I like you more than the other one. Not in taste necessarily, but you gave me much more blood. Freely. Not to say that I do not like the futile struggle of my prey now and again, but sometimes free blood just tastes sweeter.”

“I don’t” I began feeling baffled and then changing tactics “What does that have to with secrets?” 

“Oh yes, of course, our bargain” She said smiling toothily. I could see a red sheen over them from my blood and realized she was had probably smiled like that to throw me off balance. “Your blood has a little spark hidden in it. Like a little ember. I suspect its from the maiar blood and will grow into true flame if fed enough”

“Fed enough? True flame?” I asked feeling put out. I did not want to turn into one of those fire shadows monsters and who the hell knows what they feed on.

“Given more blood of that nature” Thuringwethil said waving an unconcerned hand “True flame is nothing to you really. Perhaps the fire will bend to you a bit, but you were not born nor made of it so it won’t truly ever heed your call. It may simply deign to listen once in a while. Perhaps make it so you will remain unburnt forever depending on the strength. Though you remain unable to reach The Music and forever will remain unable. Perhaps not even blood of a Vala could make one understand and see. Same as the other. Tis a pity for Tar-Mairon I suppose. He wanted to test the limits of creation”

I just stared at her in blank confusion trying to process everything she said. “I’m not sure I follow. Test the limits of creation?” I wondered.

“Tis nothing for you to be concerned with” Thuringwethil said looking at me thoughtfully “Now come. Certainly, you don’t want to arrive after he does.” I nodded vehemently at her observation and followed behind closely. I learned much today and not just from Thuringwethil. Was Maedhros right about Tar-Mairon lying about my fea? Or maybe he just did not know? Haldamire and I were still unusual for them even after all this time. There was much to consider. And what of that supposed tang of darkness in Haldamire? Is that the result of maiar blood in her?

“We are here, my young bargainer” Thuringwethil announced pushing me into the cavern “I will leave now. Wouldn’t want to be found here and I have such a delicious bouquet awaiting me in the dungeons”.

“Wait” I called before she could turn away. She raised an eyebrow at me in a _go on_ kind of way. “I was wondering what Maedhros’s blood tasted like” I said with curiosity coloring my tone.

“Like a cold burning fire and ash” she said with a laugh “Such a delectable burn.”

I nodded like I understood what she was talking about and shifted away. She was gone when I looked back towards the cavern entrance. As bad as Langon. I had barely sat down on the bed before Gothmog stormed in. I jerked upright in surprise. Just a few minutes longer and I would not have been here when he got back. I surreptitiously tried to slide my bitten hand under blankets.

“Nierima” He said catching my face between his hands. I winced at how small I felt and how large his hands were. He turned my head this way and that inspecting my face and hair. I didn’t know if I could speak or not at the moment. Better not to risk my feet angering him. I couldn’t hide my wince as I leaned back onto my hand slightly. He, unfortunately for me, never missed a single thing. “Give me your arm” he demanded. I complied sulkily and shivering as he let go of my face. It always felt cold when he let go. “Explain yourself.” He still seemed infuriated from Langon’s timely interruption.

“I didn’t mean to. I was just trying not to cry” I said half truthfully. I had been holding in tears when I bit down that hard.

“Do you remember what I told you?” He said in dark tone that had me drawing back. I nodded because I never forgot anything, he or Tar-Mairon said. It was too risky. He had warned me against causing injury to myself. His cocked almost minutely in what seemed consideration. “I will let it go. This one time only” he finally said lifting up burned strands of my hair. A breath of relief wound itself through me. I hadn’t even realized how tense and fearful I was. “I will take you to meet someone that you may talk to when I am gone” He said standing and pulling me off the bed with him. I started to ask who, but then cut myself off. Gothmog glanced at me with his red eyes piercing. “His name is Ancalagon.”


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all. I know it has been a while and I am sorry :( ALSO WARNING- VERY DARK CHAPTER Art work done spectacularly and amazingly by Cherry Amulet!!!!

I pleaded and cried all the way to the dungeons. Langon said nothing to me the entire time except when we had first left Tar-Mairon. He had whispered “repent” quietly to me as I wailed. I did not want to be all alone with the knowledge of what I had seen. I would never have openly defied Tar-Mairon like that. It was an accident.

“Don’t leave me here” I said pleadingly to Langon as he shut me into a small cell. We had walked so far and so deep that it was the coldest I had ever been since coming here. I did not even know there was any place here so cold. Langon said nothing, I didn’t expect him to, and I felt tears slide down my cheeks as the click of a lock sounded.

I blinked rapidly trying to see anything without the hall’s torch light, but it was impossible. There was not even any light coming in from the other side of the door. It was pitch black coldness and I was more alone than I had ever been. I continued to sob into my knees tormented by loneliness and visions of a bloody Ungo. I prayed Tar-Mairon would come take me back up into the warmth of his rooms or his arms. Even for just a moment.

I was also disgusted with myself for craving Tar-Mairon’s warmth so much, but as shivers wracked my body, I decided it didn’t matter what I wanted. Tar-Mairon is what I needed.

A scream left my mouth as something small and fuzzy darted across my hand. I threw myself against a wall. No idea in what direction the wall faced, I just threw myself backward until I felt something solid. I tried to not panic as the sounds of scurrying became more noticeable to me. I put my hands over my ears and screamed as loud as I could. Maybe Tar-Mairon would take mercy on me and get me out of here.

* * *

I blinked blearily and then sat straight up hearing the lock click. Perhaps Tar-Mairon had decided that I was suitably punished by now. Fluttering panicked excitement crossed my chest as I shivered in the coldness.

“Well. Well.” My stomach dropped at the extremely familiar voice. Thuringwethil was standing in the entry way with the torchlight glowing behind her. I winced at the light, but it was strangely enough still too dark to really distinguish her features when she wasn’t facing the light.

“What are you doing here?” I croaked out. I winced hearing the scratchy tones. I couldn’t be getting sick from one night in dungeon, could I?

“What a tone to take masterless” Thuringwethil said with a smirk. I scowled at her, but then averted my eyes. I could not afford to make her angry in my current position. “As it happens” She continued “I was already satisfying myself down here when I heard you were dropping in.”

“Heard from who?” I said bewildered. Did Tar-Mairon send her? She laughed at my expression and stepped closer to me. I pressed myself back into the wall trying not to shudder at how cold and rough the stones were.

“Who doesn’t know by now?” she said countering “I have been greatly contented tonight. You will be my third” she stepped closer to me and leaned down.

“Third?” I muttered trying to hold myself still.

“Drink, of course. Don’t you remember?” She smiled showing her gleaming and sharp incisors. I could never forget, and she knew, what if felt like to have my blood pulled out of my body so unnaturally.

“Who were the other two lucky ones?” I asked bravely trying to buy time. Maybe Tar-Mairon could still come. 

“A king and your little twin. I have to admit, I like her much better” Thuringwethil said almost purring as I registered her words.

“Airawende! You!” I hissed angrily.

“My, my. It will be so gratifying to tame you. She allowed me. Bargained with me. Wanted it” Thuringwethil continued stroking up my arm with a sharp fingernail.

“you won’t! Tar-Mairon would be upset” I spat hoping it was true. She pressed her nail into my skin hard enough to pierce it. She pulled back and licked the drop the blood that clung to her nail.

“He won’t. I made sure of it” She leaned in and sniffed my neck. I tried to lean away, but I was already pressed against the wall as tight as possible. “No escape from me” she hissed before pulling me off the wall and flattening me on the floor as she settled herself over me.

“Get off me” I screeched pushing up, but she was insanely strong. It was like pushing a statue for all the effect I had on her.

“No, I don’t think so” She smiled down at me showing her fangs, again, before leaning down to my neck. She ran her tongue up my neck and I thrashed helplessly underneath. She put her fangs against my skin where my artery pulsed in panic, but didn’t pierce the skin. She just swirled her tongue against the artery as I screamed and thrashed. She let go and put her mouth against my ear “now calm down” she flicked her tongue against it as I squealed “I wouldn’t want to spill any drops of blood due to your undue panic.” I thrashed harder in response and she made a tsking noise at me. “I will bind you if need be” she threatened silkily leaning down and nipping my neck with her fangs. I groaned in terror my body shaking in fright.

I screamed when she finally decided to stop playing and bit into my neck. I thrashed, but she did not budge an inch or spill any of it. I choked on nothing trying to block out, but failing to, the horrid sensation of blood being pulled out of body so quickly. My thrashing decreased gradually until I was blinking at nothing feeling the world fade and come back strangely. I blinked up at her, still pinning me down, as her mouth moved. I think she was saying something, but I couldn’t hear what. Her hair is such a dark black its like the color of nothing. Like the dungeon was before she let in the torchlight. I don’t think the light even reflects off it. I stared at it in sudden fascination feeling the world spin from underneath. Where was Tar-Mairon. I needed Tar-Mairon. Right now. To give me back warmth. I felt a stinging sensation and my hand pulled up of its own accord to feel where it hurt. I blinked in shock seeing blood across my fingertips and then fainted. 


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I know its been 10 years since I have updated so here is a little mini filler chapter so no one gets worried about the story being abandoned or anything! I am still here! I just had a super busy past couple of weeks moving from Texas to Kentucky. I should be all settled at the new job(this is my first week) by next Monday and then you should all be able to expect regular updates. I will try for every 2 weeks, but I make no promises. I might even do quicker then that with proper motivation. I have moved from flat boringness to mountains! YAY. I want the Ancalagon chapter to be pretty long so thats why this filler chapter is here. No rushing that.

We did not make it very far before Gothmog got tired of my slow pace and just picked me up. He walked so fast things were almost, almost, blurry. I was likely going slower then usual because of the super long walk down to the dungeons with Thuringwethil. I eventually softened in his grip because trying to remain tense the entire walk down to the dungeons would have made me ache.

After we passed the first Orc, I closed my eyes. No need to fuel my nightmares. One would assume that after seeing them pretty frequently, that you would get used to them. However, its still brings horror even if my reaction is less then a second as opposed to thinking about them with terror for hours like I used to. At first all I saw was hideousness, but the longer they are around the easier it is to almost see remnants of beauty or something. They almost remind me of the teacher, structurally, but I would never tell her that in case she got offended that I compared her to monsters.

My face twisted thinking about Gothmog’s brothers. Or, more specifically, the one who asked fertility questions. I hoped I never ran into him again and I hope this new Ancalagon is not like him either. I peeked up at Gothmog and froze in surprise to find him studying me. He cannot have possibly walked all this way without looking up! I felt my face start to turn red at his intense look and tugged at my hair in discontent. I hope he felt bad about what he did to me and not just the hair. I almost, insanely, wanted to petulantly ask “are we there yet?”, but he is too terrifying to play games with. I glared at the floor unable to keep his gaze for long. I hoped he started watching where he is walking because I don’t want to fall from this height.

“You will never be able to come here alone” Gothmog rumbled and I looked up in surprise. I was not expecting to hear him talk on the way to wherever “the way is riddled with more danger than wandering orcs and bodiless spirits” He continued. I just stared at him and then looked around seeing nothing. “Creatures of pure violence, no mind, and no care of punishment or the ultimate demise. Do not wander this direction alone. Ever. If you even look in this direction alone Airawende, I will make sure the only thing you can look at afterwards is me”. I froze trying to process his words and the threat in them. What does that even mean? Only look at him? Not something I need to test with my feet the way they are. I do not even know what direction we are walking in. I tried not to sulk at the floor. I suffer enough threats in my life already.

“How far?” I squeaked out quietly hoping he wouldn’t get infuriated.

“About 2 marks of a candle” he answered still looking at me intently. What is 2 marks of a candle in hours and minutes? Why can nothing eve be easy here? 


End file.
